Page 110 of Gift from the Tree

His words just confuse me more because Caspian said the fear of the unknown surrounding me and my Memoria stone was a reason, so now I don’t know if he only meant himself or all of them. And it doesn’t make me feel any better knowing they’re struggling right now. I may be angry with them, but I’d never wish they suffered in any way. I know suffering all too well to wish it on them.

“I’m done talking about them for now. I have a lot to think about,” I declare. I need time to think. I’ve talked about them as much as I can for now.

“Oakly, you can come out now, girl,” Gaster calls over his shoulder, and seconds later, Oakly walks out with a kettle of coffee and all the fixings to make it a sugary goodness.

“Were you standing there the whole time?” I ask, laughing at her blatant eavesdropping.

“Not the whole time. I walked up when I heard you tell Gaster you forgave him, so I ran to fix celebratory coffee,” she says with a huge smile as she pours Gaster a black coffee and makes ours with the good stuff.

We spend hours on the porch, listening and laughing as Gaster tells us stories of the trouble he got into growing up. He was quite the mischief-maker and even now likes to stir the pot a little when he knows it won’t cause too much trouble. Frustratingly, he’s still keeping his age a secret.

Oakly told him about her being the true Primary for the Mercie Nexus, which I learned is Ry’s last name. Once a Nexus is formed with all four members, they take on the last name of the oldest member, apparently. He told her he was so happy for her and good luck, which sent us into a fit of laughter.

I was sad when he announced it was time for him to go in the early evening, but he told me he’d come back if I needed him, and to just enjoy my time with Oakly.

Shortly after, Oakly steps inside to make us some dinner and I stay in my chair on the porch, watching the small waves the wind creates on the lake shore. Soon, the peace and quiet become suffocating, and the silence brings with it a loneliness I feel in my bones.

What the fuck am I going to do?

“I’ll tell them they can’t come, and I’ll see them when break is over,” Oakly says as she stands in the doorway of the room I’ve been staying in.

Last night, I overheard Jamie on the communicator asking her if they could come see her and spend some time with her. Nikoli and San haven’t had any time with her at all other than the mission, and they’d all like to get to know her. She was still ignoring Ry and said she’d continue to do so until he apologized.

Well, she told Jamie no because I needed her more right now and she’d spend time with them when I felt better.

When she got off, I told her to call him back right then and tell them yes that they could come tomorrow, that I was going back. I loved the fact that she’s been here for me and has been amazing to me through this, but I can see how much she wants to get to know them, and I want her to have this so bad. I want them to make her happy.

“You’ll do no such thing. I’ll be fine,” I tell her as I stop stuffing everything in my bag and put my hands on my hips.

“You know, you wouldn’t even know that they wanted to come if you hadn’t been listening in on my private conversation. What if we’d been having comm sex?” She places her hands on her hips to mimic me.

“Really? In the living room where I could’ve walked in at any moment?” I ask, chuckling at her ridiculousness.

“Fine, we wouldn’t have been doing that but still. You don’t have to go. I feel like you think I’m kicking you out and that’s so not the case.” She drops her hands and looks at me genuinely.

“I know that, Oakly. I know you’d spend this whole break watching me go in and out of crying spells and holding my hair while I throw up. It’s all you’ve done for four nights and three full days, but it’s time for both of us to face our Nexuses,” I tell her as I pull her into a hug. I know she’s a little nervous to be with all of them at the same time, but she’s one tough bitch and they better treat her right or I’ll find a way to make their lives hell.

“Are you nervous?” she asks, fidgeting with her fingers.

“Scared shitless.”

“Same.” She snorts just as the alert goes off that they’re at the wards. “Which one did you decide to tell to come get you?” she asks as we make our way to the door.

With a few movements of her hands, she lowers the wards at the front of the drive where five figures stand, waiting to be let in. As soon as they start making their way to us, I fight the urge to bolt back in and lock myself away.

“Really? The mean one?” she asks in a whisper.

To me, Caspian was the obvious choice. If it had been Draken, I would’ve lost my composure instantly and broken down. Corentin would’ve ambushed me with too many questions or a lecture, possibly have spanked me, and Tillman would just be silent or only talk to Ry and the guys and that would’ve hurt. So I went with Caspian. At least he’d either ignore everyone or say something mean and I can stay mad at him.

“He was my safest bet for keeping my shit together long enough to get to my room,” I whisper back just before they all make it to the bottom step.

Jamie flies up the staircase, wraps Oakly in a huge hug, and spins her around, making her laugh. It’s the sweetest fucking sight and tears well up in my eyes.

Stupid fucking assholes.

Stupid fucking needy Primary hormones.

One tear spills faster than I can blink it away and before I can duck my head to hide and wipe it, Caspian materializes out of shadows in front of me, sending a tendril out to sweep gently across my cheek, removing the tear like it was never there.

---