Page 78 of Manacled Hearts

“Yes. But, umm… can I, can I talk to your mom first?”

Sometimes I think there aren’t any pieces left of my heart to break. Yet, every time he says something like this, his words find a stray shard big enough to shatter.

He’s going away again…

“She’s not here, Daddy.”

“Where is she?” there’s a slight tremble in his voice.

“She’s… out.” I can’t do it. I’ve broken his heart so many times now, I must have reached a hundred.

“Oh…”

“Is nurse Jackie taking good care of you?” I attempt to distract him.

“She cheats at chess.”

I burst out in a short laugh, because only he could have said something so random.

“Let me talk to her, I’ll give her a piece of my mind.”

“You can try, but she won’t admit it. Call me soon, sweet Evie, yes?”

“Of course, Daddy. We’ll speak soon. I love you, and Maya loves you so much.”

“Um… Maya… oh yes. I love you too.”

He’s losing her again.

“Thank you, Jackie. I appreciate the call.” I tell the woman when her voice comes back on the other line.

“Always, sweetheart. I waited to make sure he was truly there. Did he speak with Maya?” she asks.

“No. He asked about Mom.”

“I heard. Don’t worry. He’s in good hands.”

“I know. Thank you, Jackie.”

“Are you safe? Last time we talked you said you’re down South.”

“Yes, I’m safe. I have a good job now, nice place to stay, I’ll be back soon,” I answer her.

“Okay honey, you take good care of the little firecracker, okay?”

I’m reluctant to say goodbye to the woman, knowing that I will have to turn around and face the man who has listened to this entire conversation. At least my side of it. But I do. I say goodbye and hang up, though the sadness doesn’t leave me as I watch my sister out there, oblivious to the fact that I had two good minutes with our father, and she missed out on this sense of utter joy.

Only, that’s not quite the case for her. I shake my head as I drop the phone on the bed.

My sister doesn’t perceive our father in the same way that I do. She was too young to form the same attachment as me, the same relationship. He’s been in the care home for half her short life. She’s always been excited to see him, she loves him, but she’s young… she thankfully doesn’t hurt like I do.

It’s probably why he forgets her quicker than he forgets me.

It hurts so much when he forgets. When his safety is ripped away from me.

I can’t help the tears pooling in my eyes now, nor the one sliding down my cheeks, mourning the father I used to have.

“Does anyone else know?” I flinch at Finnigan’s soft voice, clutching the bedspread in my fists.

---