Page 76 of The Waiting Game

“Sure. No problem.” Ismael was nothing if not easygoing.

When Felix had been looking for a sponsor, he hadn’t expected to hit it off with an older Black Muslim man. But whatever their differences on paper, Ismael Hayes was a former pro baseball player. And the language of sports and team had made the connection easy.

“How’s the dog?” Felix asked.

“Ginger’s good.” Ismael smiled. “Bigger by the second.”

Ismael’s drinking problems had led to a messy end to his pro career, two divorces, and some alienated kids who were wary of trusting him.

Despite all the losses, Ismael now had a good second career in real estate and a new dog. He was working on repairing those relationships with his children. It had helped Felix to see someone who had built himself back up after a difficult time like that.

To see that Ismael’s life wasn’t over.

By comparison, Felix felt like he’d gotten off easy.

But he still wanted more from his life and he hoped that, in time, he’d get there.

Tonight, the coffee shop was mostly empty, with one booth occupied by a group of students who appeared to be working on a project and a few tables filled with people studying.

It left Felix and Ismael with plenty of room to find a table out of earshot and when they settled in with their coffees, Ismael gave him an expectant look. “What’s on your mind?”

“Uhh, well,” Felix said, cradling the hot cup. He wasn’t really that in need of coffee but he liked the warmth. “I told you about Grandma Ji-min’s hospital visit.”

Ismael nodded, stirring cream into his mug.

“It got me thinking. About a lot of things.” He’d decided to tell Ismael the truth about what he’d suggested to Jonah. If he lied to his sponsor, what was the point of having one?

Felix picked up steam as he went, talking about his plan and Jonah’s reaction to it.

When Felix was done, Ismael blinked, frowning. “I’ll be honest, this is not what I expected. I, uh, a fake relationship with your gay best friend? Is that a thing people do?”

Felix winced. It did sound weird when he put it like that.

“Yeah. Uhh, probably not.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s a little strange, huh?”

Ismael sat back, studying his face. “Uhh, well. Yes. I’ve always assumed you were bi and just not out. Figured it wasn’t my place to pry into it. I figured you’d come out to me in your own time.”

Felix blinked. “What? Why did you think that?”

“Well, the way you spoke of Jonah, of how hard it was to leave him after college, I just assumed you two had been involved then and had decided to remain friends after or something.”

Felix shook his head. “No, that’s not the case. I’ve never been with a man.”

“I get that now.” Ismael frowned. “Are you sure there’s no … interest there though?”

Felix winced.

Ismael held up his palms. “Hey, I know what teams are like. How deep and emotional those friendships can be,” he continued. “So if I’m reading something into this that isn’t there, tell me that. I just can’t help but feel that maybe there’s something more there for you.”

“I—I don’t know,” Felix admitted. “I’ve been … wondering things lately. Feeling … a few things.”

“For Jonah?”

Felix nodded.

“And you’ve never felt this for men before?”

“Not really? I don’t know. I … guess I’ve always understood the idea of men being attractive in a general sort of way. And I’ve looked at times but it was so … vague. I always thought it was just, you know, admiring a good body and intellectually understanding the appeal because I was open-minded enough not to be afraid of the idea of finding another man attractive, you know?”

---