Page 171 of The Waiting Game

“I know.”

She pursed her lips. “I’m not happy you and Felix lied to me either.”

“I know that too.” Jonah hung his head again. “I shouldn’t have gone along with it. It was a bad idea but … God, when Felix gets enthusiastic about something … it’s so hard to resist.”

She chuckled. “Oh believe me, I know. I indulged that boy many times over the years.”

Jonah managed a weak smile. “I told him you were soft for him.”

“We both are. And you’ve been in love with him for a long time.”

Jonah nodded, not terribly surprised that she knew. “I have.”

“He loves you too.”

Jonah shrugged, sitting back so he could look her in the eye. “Of course he does. But I don’t think it’s the same way I love him.”

“That’s where I think you’re wrong. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. Like someone he’d like to share his life with.”

“You think so?”

She nodded. “Yes. There was something different about him after rehab. He looked at you differently.”

“We’ve, uh, been sleeping together lately,” Jonah admitted.

She snorted quietly. “You think I don’t know that too? You didn’t give yourself that hickey the other day.”

Jonah managed a small laugh but it dissolved into a broken sob. “But I said horrible things to him during the game. I pushed him away.”

She smoothed a hand over his hair again. “I know.”

“I didn’t mean to. Why did I do it? All I want is for him to be close.”

“Are you sure you’re not pushing Felix away because you’re afraid of losing him?” Her voice was very soft.

“No,” Jonah said, breathing raggedly. “I’m not.”

She sighed. “You’ve always been afraid of that. You lost so much, so young. Cho and I, we tried to help you but maybe we could have done more …”

Jonah shrugged. “I know you tried. I—I wonder if sometimes that’s why I haven’t had any dating relationships that lasted.”

“It might be.”

“And when I thought I might lose you—” Jonah’s voice broke.

“You will lose me.”

“Don’t remind me,” he choked out, eyes swimming again.

“No, it’s time you face the truth, Jo-nah. I won’t live forever. No matter how hard I try. Someday you’ll have to say goodbye to me.”

“But I’ll be all alone then.” A tear slipped down his cheek.

“No, sweetheart. Only if you choose to be. You have so many people who love you.”

“But they’re not family,” he whispered.

“Family isn’t blood, Jo-nah. I know you know that. Your mind might have forgotten but your heart knows the truth. Felix is your family. Whether you marry each other or not, he is your family. He’s your heart. However that looks, however that family is shaped. Even if you marry other people, he is as much a part of you as Cho and I were. As your parents were.”

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