Page 124 of The Waiting Game

“Exactly. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t feel any last-minute panic or anything.”

Felix shook his head. “Nah. Maybe if it was with anyone else it would feel weird but …”

“But what?”

“But it’s you, Jo.”

Felix said that like it was so obvious but Jonah wasn’t really sure what he meant.

Jonah opened his mouth to ask but Felix frowned at him and held out a hand. “What are you doing still kneeling down there? C’mon. Come up here and get comfortable with me.”

Jonah stood, his knees cracking, and Felix hauled him onto the bed. He manhandled Jonah until they lay on their sides, staring at each other.

This still all felt so surreal to Jonah. Like every one of his secret, silly little hopes had materialized in front of him.

“You’ve never been with another man. What changed for you?” Jonah blurted out like the idiot he was. Ugh, damn it, in his fantasies, he’d always been a little smoother. A little less awkward.

“I don’t know,” Felix said thoughtfully. “Maybe it was just that I’ve changed.”

“Yeah, that’s fair, I guess,” Jonah said. “I just … I’m trying to wrap my head around the idea that you’ve never been attracted to a man before and in the past twenty-four hours we watched each other jerk off and we watched gay porn together and we kissed and you got me off and I just blew you and—” and you’re not freaking out about any of it, Jonah finished in his head.

“So … it’s not totally new,” Felix said, shifting onto his back and frowning at the ceiling.

For a moment, all Jonah could do was stare at Felix’s body. It was the first time he’d ever seen him naked and really been allowed to look. To linger as long as Jonah would like.

He was so beautiful. From the fine bones of his face to the lean, sculpted lines of his body, everything about him seemed designed to be pleasing to Jonah. Or did Jonah like those things because he’d always been half in love with Felix?

He took a chance and reached out, trailing his fingers across Felix’s ribs, wanting to map out his body with his touch, but Felix squawked and slapped his hand over Jonah’s to stop his movement. “Dude. Ticklish, remember!”

“Sorry.” Jonah grinned and shuffled closer, until he could feel the heat coming off Felix’s body.

“Sure you are.” Felix gave him a grin.

Jonah got lost in the sight of his happy face before he remembered what they’d been talking about before he got distracted. “Anyway, you were saying it’s not totally new?”

“Yeah. Although I’m not saying that this attraction or whatever has always been there either. I think maybe some part of it was though. Deep down. In a place I didn’t want to admit to myself. Or maybe just wasn’t ready to.”

And that was what scared Jonah. That this attraction to men was something new and interesting to Felix. That he’d leap into it because that was what he always did. That he’d move on. Grow bored.

“I think it’s brave of you to be willing to admit it at all,” Jonah said and he really did believe that.

“I couldn’t have before, you know?” Felix said. “Not without coming up against a lot of shit about how my parents would feel about it. Me being with a man just wasn’t an option for them.”

Jonah nodded. The Hales were strange. Jonah honestly didn’t believe they had an issue with gay people in general. They were the type who supported inclusivity and diversity but were completely unable to fathom the idea of their own son being with anyone but a woman.

Jonah supposed that attitude was its own horrible form of homophobia.

“I know your parents probably aren’t thrilled with our uh, fake engagement,” Jonah said.

Although it was harder to remember this engagement was fake when the team was talking about bachelor parties for them and Jonah could still taste Felix’s cum on his tongue.

Felix made a face. “Well, I haven’t exactly gotten any calls from them congratulating me or anything.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I appreciate that.” Felix shrugged. “But I … I don’t know. I guess it’s just as telling that I never thought to call my parents before the news went public either.”

Jonah winced. “Yeah, I suppose it is.”

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