Page 36 of Stars May Burn

This wasn’t about me.

Still, I couldn’t shake the guilt. A man had threatened her on my lands. Despite everything I was doing to protect her, I had still failed to keep her safe.

I steeled my resolve. “I’m going back to Adenburg.”

Callum groaned and sat up, his hair sticking up at odd angles. “What? Now? It’s…Kasten, it’s two in the morning. You should sleep while you can. Who knows when you’ll get another chance on the campaign.”

I put down my whiskey and started buttoning up my cloak. “I need to leave an important message. Nobody touches my wife. I must know she’ll be safe when I’m gone.”

Callum groaned again and collapsed on the sofa. “You know, I think I preferred the old, unmarried Kasten. Try not to kill anybody.”

“Watch out for her while I’m gone. And work out how to stop any more intruders, whatever kryalcomy they may have stolen from Lord Lyrason. I’ve asked Sir Egbert to increase the guard patrols on his side of the walls, but I want you to tighten our defenses from the inside.”

He raised his empty glass to me as I left the room.

SOPHIE

Ijolted awake, sweat plastering my hair to my face as I gasped for air. I fought for breath in the half dark as images flickered across my mind. A knife at my throat while the Red Man whispered threats in my ear with foul breath. The man becoming Frederick who yelled about my inadequacies, accusing me of poisoning him in my incompetence. Father striking me with his cane, saying I was a disappointment. And I was so small. So small. Finally, the man was Kasten, disgust on his face as he walked away, leaving me cowering alone in the dark.

I pressed the coverlet into my mouth, forcing my breathing to slow in order to suck in oxygen through the thick fabric. My heart rate slowed, but the images remained, along with that sense of always failing. Always being alone. Always being small and helpless.

It was five in the morning, but I wouldn’t get back to sleep. Maybe it was good for me to rise early anyway. I’d slept away most of yesterday afternoon, and I needed to make up for that. I didn’t want to let the people of Kasomere down.

I bathed alone and chose a simple dress that didn’t need a maid to fasten. Because Father’s voice was so fresh in my mind, I even took a sip from one of the fertility tonics Miss Claris had left. Not that it would do any good if my husband wouldn’t even look at me.

My hands started to shake again, and I gritted my teeth. I couldn’t let anyone see how weak I was. I had to do better than this. I needed to become worthy of this place.

I poured through the books of accounts I’d taken from Mistress Rose, making notes of any places I thought we might save money or could become more efficient. Kasten kept the money for the troops and campaigns separate, and I had no access to those. I also only had access to part of the city’s ledgers. Though my curiosity burned to understand the wider picture, the castle finances were quite enough to keep me busy for now.

The hours ticked by, and my anxiety only lessened slightly. The accounts were already well kept, the staff well paid, and I had few suggestions for improvements.

Needing a break, I turned my attention to the map of the gardens and drew up some plans of my own.

The door opened. Lucy’s bright voice broke my concentration. “I’ve brought breakfast to your room after your fright yesterday. I guessed the gardens might not be the best place to have it today.”

I put down my pen and blew the ink dry on my plans for my new plant beds. I would create it close to the house after the fright of the incident yesterday. Close to the servants’ area so I wouldn’t mar the view for Kasten or irritate anyone, since many would probably find it an eyesore. The excitement of being free to plant whatever I wished had been enough to distract me from the memories of the man’s hand around my wrist, his knife at my throat, and how trapped I’d felt in Frederick’s house. But now as I looked at my plans, they felt self-indulgent and frivolous. Darkness returned as guilt stirred in my stomach.

Lucy started to lay cutlery on the small table by the window. “I’ve been informed there will be a special dinner for you tonight, my lady.”

I turned back and let Lucy’s smile chase away my dark thoughts. I couldn’t let anyone see how shaken I was. “What’s the occasion?”

Lucy smirked, and she looked so cheeky, I stood to get closer to her. “No occasion. I just think the general is trying to apologize.”

I frowned. “Apologize for what? I shouldn’t have spoken to him like I did yesterday.” Guilt returned. I still couldn’t believe I’d been so bold. He’d been avoiding me enough before. Now…would he ever want to speak to me again?

The image of Kasten leaving me alone in the dark returned.

Lucy shook her head. “Believe me, he’s wanting to apologize. He asked the head cook to make something special.”

A weight shifted, almost lifting from my chest. Maybe he really wasn’t angry at the way I spoke to him last night. Or how I’d flinched from his touch. I was still berating myself for that. As far as attracting him went, that was pretty much the worst thing I could have done. Thank goodness Miss Claris wasn’t here. But maybe he blamed himself for the Red Man attacking me. If that was true and he did want to apologize, I’d have a chance to repair our relationship.

I spent the day busy getting to know the servants in different areas of the house and learning about their lives and needs. Everywhere I was greeted with smiles and polite replies as if people were surprised but happy about my interest. I was given extra pastries in the kitchen and introduced to a kitchen girl’s new baby. It seemed strange that my presence gave people joy. I was still waiting for this illusion to shatter.

As the cicadas started to sound outside, Lucy helped me into my dark blue satin evening gown with silver embroidery around the bodice. Though I wore a corset, Lucy left it far looser than I was used to. I hoped Kasten would approve. I became slightly nauseous as the clock neared seven thirty.

I walked down the staircase as the sound of a flute wafted up. The sound surprised me, and I turned back to Lucy with a sudden flutter of nerves. “Do we have guests? Am I meant to be hosting?”

Her smile was relaxed. “No, no. Nobody is here. Come on, my lady. The dining room looks amazing.”

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