Page 59 of Stars May Burn

“How did you learn to be a healer, Sophie?” The sudden question startled me.

I bit my lip. “I’m not a healer. I…” A sudden thought hit me with a twist of my stomach. Frederick would have never let me do this. “If you would rather I got the physician, I can send for him right away. I…”

Kasten leaned forward with only a slight wince, reaching out to rest his hand on my arm. My heart jolted at his touch. It wasn’t fear, like when Frederick had sometimes touched me without warning. It was closer to excitement. Anticipation. I didn’t understand it at all. I kept my eyes firmly down, hoping he didn’t notice my cheeks redden.

He cleared his throat. “No. That’s not what I meant. I’ve never recovered this fast. Your skill is incredible.”

My eyes snapped to his. Had he really meant that? His face was sincere and intense, and leaning in toward mine while he was half dressed. All at once, the room didn’t seem to contain enough air.

Kasten seemed to recognize the awkwardness at the same time and let go of my arm as if I were a red-hot poker. He lay back down onto the pillows. “Sorry,” he grunted. “I just… I wondered where you learned it. I spoke to Callum this morning while you were asleep. He told me he sent for the physician the day after the surgery, and he only stayed half an hour before saying he wasn’t needed here. He was impressed by you. It meant he and Physician Harris could both give their full attention to treating my soldiers without worrying about me.” His eyes slid to mine again. “Thank you.”

I swallowed as I finished the poultice and washed my hands again before sitting on the side of the bed and starting to unravel the clumsy bandaging the general had attempted in the bathroom. Would he still be grateful when he realized my lack of experience?

“Nobody taught me, but I’m interested in botany and…” I trailed off, worried that I was going to say the wrong thing and Kasten would be angry that I had gone as far as I had using my untested home remedies on him.

“Go on.” Kasten cleared his throat. “Please.”

I swallowed again and removed the last of the bandages around his chest to reveal the slice down his ribcage. I kept my eyes focused on the wound and the stitches, trying very hard not to look at anything else. Kasten had a very different build than Frederick—a warrior’s build—and my appreciation made this so much more awkward. Heat radiated from his chest, and he smelled of pine soap. This had been far simpler when he was unconscious and stank of blood, grime, and sweat.

I cleaned the wound, even though Kasten said he had done so. There was no swelling or discharge. It looked a lot better. His skin still held an unhealthy pallor from blood loss. I gently soaked some scabs that had formed around the suture material. “I’m not a healer, Kasten,” I managed. “If you asked me to set a bone or deliver a baby, I wouldn’t know what to do. I don’t know the cures for many illnesses or the science of how diseases spread. I learned to stitch and bandage a wound and prepare a tonic from powder the same as any lady of my class.”

I paused, but Kasten didn’t speak. He continued watching me expectantly, and I could almost physically feel his gaze. I dipped my fingers into the cool poultice and spread it over his wound, ignoring how close our faces were and that I was touching his bare skin.

I licked my lips. “It’s the plants I love. Their properties are simply amazing. They just look so normal and innocent, yet when you do this or that to them, they can literally save lives. I read every book on botany and herbal remedies in Father’s house and then at Frederick’s. I’ve just never had the chance to grow my own plants before, not when they’re too plain for grand gardens, and most are dangerous if used incorrectly.” I paused as I reached for the bandage and helped him sit forward as I wrapped it around his chest. I pinned it in place, then started unraveling the loose, stained, wet one around his abdomen. My hands circled around his waist in a strange, awkward embrace, bringing my cheek close to his chest with every turn. Maybe I should have asked him to lie down. I kept speaking, hoping to cover up the effect he was having on me.

“Of course, most pharmacists make these tonics themselves, but my understanding is they tend to use the cheaper, easier grown plants. The plants which are the best analgesics and most potent antiseptics tend to be the rarest and hardest to grow. But I am making so much headway already. And with experience and practice, I think I’ll be able to make better and better medicines. Maybe enough to supply multiple people on your campaigns. And if you reduce pain levels and infection levels, your survival rates should increase. And also, I hope to grow ones that can act as stimulants for long battles or if you’re surprised in the night. Maybe I could make something that would help soldiers fall to sleep quickly but wake up alert. Ones that…” I stopped. I was rambling, and I probably sounded foolish speaking so imaginatively when I didn’t know a thing about battles or what Kasten had just been through. Miss Claris had told me off so frequently for talking about topics nobody else was interested in, and I still hadn’t learned. I pulled the bandage free and was relieved to hide my face as I turned to get the fresh one. “Sorry. I’m sorry, I must be boring you. I didn’t mean to…”

“You’re not boring me,” Kasten said, a little forcefully. The intensity in his voice made my eyes snap back to his. His gaze hadn’t shifted from me, and I couldn’t read his expression. I must have looked startled because he looked away and rubbed his chin, gentling his voice. “Please, continue. You were telling me about the medicines you wish to make.”

My mouth dried, and I nodded. “Do you… Are you interested in botany, my lord? Or healing?”

He shook his head. “I’m afraid I know only emergency medicine in the field and my knowledge of plants is severely lacking.”

I took a moment to gather myself, checking the stitches, adding the poultice to his stomach wound, trying desperately to ignore how the warm ridges of muscle felt beneath my fingers and covering them with bandages as quickly as I could. He didn’t seem to breathe the entire time I worked. I was probably hurting him, though I tried to be gentle. “What are your interests?”

“Sophie.” The word was a rumbling deep-yet-gentle reprimand, and it sent a spark from my heart to my stomach.

“Yes?”

“You were talking about your medicines. And your plants.”

“Oh. Yes.” I fidgeted and nodded to his other two wounds. “We can leave your shoulder wound and your forearm wound open to the air now. They were never infected and don’t need a poultice. They should heal fast.”

I sat back on the corner of the bed. Now that I had finished bandaging him, I had nothing to distract me from my husband. And we were finally talking. And I was slowly coming to admit that when I looked past his gruff, serious exterior, he was quite possibly the most magnetic man I had ever met. I was starting to see the attractiveness and strength in his features where before they’d seemed severe. I still recognized the threat and danger in him, but it didn’t seem to be directed toward me anymore. I felt safe. But if I let my thoughts go down that path, I was only going to become more clumsy and awkward. I was already so unimpressive compared to him, his complete opposite in looks and talent. It was easier when I didn’t look at him at all.

Kasten stayed silent as if waiting for something.

I picked at one of my nails. “Are you unhappy that I gave you tonics and treated you even though I have no experience?” I snuck him a look.

Kasten scoffed and somehow the small quirk of his wide lips made him even more attractive. “Unhappy? Sophie, I have never recovered so fast from a severe injury. And this was as bad as I’ve ever had. Without that tonic you made to treat my infection… You saved my life.”

My lungs ran out of air. “What?”

His face was completely serious, and the way he was looking at me was intoxicating. “Anything you want or require to help you do as you wish with your plants, whether it’s to help me or the soldiers, or simply to bring you joy, you have my full endorsement.”

Joy, slow and all-consuming, started to rise up inside me. Had I really made such a difference? Was it possible? I couldn’t hide my smile. “Are you sure?”

He didn’t reply. His face had softened, and he was watching me with a strange, distracted expression. Maybe it was the tonic…the tonic! I hadn’t given him the tonic! He had to be in so much pain.

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