Page 57 of Stars May Burn

He raised his uninjured hand in peace. “I’ll get you some stew. You must be starving. They’ve been putting small amounts of broth down your throat, but nobody can survive on that.” He stood and left the room.

I groaned. The stitches pulled as I lifted myself up from the chair. I hobbled back to the bed and eased myself on top of the covers next to Sophie, being careful not to wake her. I strapped my arm back to my chest.

I stared up at the ceiling, hardly daring to breathe in case the movement woke her. We were so close, only a hand’s breadth between us. It didn’t feel right.

She was my wife, but she was also as untouchable as a star. And I feared if I drew close to her, I would bring all the horrors of my life with me and destroy her brightness like a clumsy lump of yadum. I didn’t want to take away what remained of her untainted joy, which was so rare and had somehow survived everything she’d been through. She didn’t belong in the same world as rampaging soulless.

She was hope. I had only ever been doom. And with my birth, my talents, doomed was all I ever would be. I didn’t deserve her.

Still, as the horrors of the battle returned behind my closed eyes, having her there—beside me—made the world seem more manageable. Her regular breaths kept me grounded in reality. I wasn’t in Whitehill anymore, I was home.

And Sophie was safe.

Sophie

I startled awake to complete darkness. I hadn’t meant to fall asleep. I wanted to keep track of Kasten’s breathing rate while he slept so I could adjust his analgesia if it increased. And after barely seeing him for the three months we had been married, it was nice to have him close and tend to him like his actual wife. But the severity of his illness still had me on edge. Physician Jones had said it was a miracle he was alive. He’d never seen anyone survive such severe wounds.

I was lying in a bed. My maids must have carried me back to my room. But something felt odd. It was probably due to the fact I was still in my clothes, and my neck ached fiercely. My head pounded and my mouth was dry. When was the last time I had drunk anything?

It didn’t matter. Until Kasten was up and about, I shouldn’t leave his side. His chances of survival were much higher if I could keep his pain levels down and prevent any further infection. Things could change so quickly. I might be out of felixleaf, but I’d made plenty of other generic tonics from my plants.

I hadn’t had much time to make the remedies, but now that I had the marshland, I’d be able to make much more potent salves and tonics for the next campaign and, hopefully, grow enough felixleaf for all the most seriously ill patients. Maybe I could ask for a shed in the garden like Callum’s to make into a workshop. But those were plans for later. Kasten had to survive first.

I sat up and startled when the covers stayed anchored down on one side. I froze and truly concentrated on my surroundings. My skin tingled at the sound of deep breathing beside me. The bed was wider than I expected and the coverlet coarser. I couldn’t hear the low ticktock of my grandfather clock; a metallic tick filled the air instead. And the air itself felt different.

I wasn’t in my bed. I was in Kasten’s. And he was still asleep beside me.

I froze in pure shock. What should I do now? Should I go back to the hard chair and act as if I had been there all along? Or stay in the bed? Somebody must have put me here next to him. Would Kasten be angry when he finally regained consciousness, thinking I’d taken advantage of his state?

I slipped the covers off my legs and tried to disturb the bed as little as possible as I swiveled my legs toward the floor. I gasped as Kasten’s hand shot out from behind me and grabbed my wrist. His grip was strong but not painful. I turned back toward him, unable to see anything in the darkness, my heart thumping in my ears. His hand didn’t loosen.

“Kasten, are you awake?”

There was only silence for a moment, then the covers shifted. “Stay with me, Sophie.” The words were slurred and sleep-addled.

Was he even conscious?

His grip didn’t soften. I both wished I could see his face in the darkness and was glad I couldn’t.

“Please. Stay with me.” The words had a rough gentleness that melted my resistance.

I slipped back into the bed, and the slight shadow that was Kasten didn’t move again. His hand loosened on my wrist, but he didn’t release. It had to be the medicine and exhaustion. He would never have said that in his right mind. Pain and opioids could do strange things to people’s minds.

I lay on my side, facing him and wondered if this would be the only time I would sleep next to my husband. I rested my free hand over his, where it was locked around my wrist. The possessiveness of it intrigued me. Did this mean, deep down, he cared about me? At least, a little? My chest warmed, but I resisted the feeling. He was a far better man than I deserved, and I didn’t want to be disappointed. It was always dangerous to raise your expectations, and so far, Kasomere had already been far better for me than I had hoped.

You’re the only good thing in his life.

Had Callum really meant that?

I sighed, knowing the questions would prevent me from sleeping. But it was still nice to lie in a comfortable bed as opposed to the chair, listening to Kasten’s regular breathing and feeling the reassuring strength in his fingers. It seemed he was going to survive after all.

SOPHIE

Iwoke, and squinted in the sunlight, my jaw cracking with a sudden yawn. Kasten was gone, his side of the bedcovers neatly tucked into the mattress. I sat up in surprise and found the clock on his mantlepiece. Almost midday. No, no, no! Not again!

I hadn’t drifted off at Kasten’s side until the early morning, but I hadn’t meant to sleep this late. Why hadn’t anyone woken me? And where was Kasten? He was too ill to be out of bed. He was due more of the valerian and pigsmoss tonic.

If he pushed himself too hard, he would kill himself.

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