Page 38 of Explosive Prejudice

“Listen, the main reason I found myself in all those rehab centers was that instead of turning to people I cared about and who cared about me, I pushed them away.”

He’d got the picture all wrong. The one doing the pushing wasn’t me but Andrei. Slowly, the guy I used to call my brother began looking at me like everybody else did, with eyes full of pity that saw no future. He saw me as a beast that constantly needed to be tamed. It reminded me of the night at Pacific Green, where Andrei was positive I had killed Shay-Lee. It was the moment I realized that my best friend didn’t know me at all. I had violence in me, no way around that, but I wasn’t a murderer. Sure, I threatened assholes like that Shay-Lee all the time, but I wouldn’t cross that line. I thought Andrei knew that, too, but I was wrong.

Thinking of that brought me back to the so-called help he and Chief always tried to force on me, which was fucking insulting. The thing was, they never realized how much I resented them for being pretentious enough to believe they could save me. I didn’t need saving, not by them, anyway.

“Don’t worry about it.” I tucked the smoke between my lips as I walked out onto the porch. “I’m good.” And I was, but the last thing I cared about was Andrei. I much preferred to keep my mind busy with Llorón.

Since I was working in the club later today, I had to leave Kai’s place and go home so I could get ready.

Kai gave me shit for taking out his Ducati in the rain again because it was too dangerous, but I did what I wanted. Fuck it. Even though it was raining, the weather wasn’t nearly as shitty as it had been. It poured so hard yesterday that the flowers I bought for Carmen had almost got ruined on the drive to the cemetery.

The thought of my sister and how she should have been alive to celebrate another year physically pained me like it always did. Every year, the date of her birthday brought anger and grief. Only this time, I replaced those emotions with something else, and thanks to Llorón, I managed to go through the day without feeling like I wanted to burn the whole fucking world to the ground. He didn’t even know how much he helped me yesterday, but he did. He shifted my mind away from the dark place it was usually in and into the heaven of his proximity.

As I reached our driveway, I noticed Miles’s Maserati parked beside our old truck. And here I thought I could keep up with my good mood for the day.

After parking Kai’s bike under the shed, I ran to the door. As soon as I walked in, I heard laughter from the living room. I would have skipped straight to my room if it weren’t for Pooh coming to greet me, his docked tail wagging behind him. Getting down to pet him, I noticed more gray hair on his brown coat. He was getting older.

Although I was attacked by a dog as a kid, I didn’t fear the animal. Most people would have, but not me. An animal could never traumatize me, but a man? That was a different case… The scar covering my lower back wasn’t a reminder of the fear of a helpless dog but of the cruelty of man.

“Hey, Diesel!” Jessie said as he came running down the stairs, holding his phone. “You came just in time.”

“In time for what?” I regretted asking a minute later when he dragged me to the living room, where Miles, Andrei, and Levi were sitting, and told me about their lunch plans.

“So, do you want to come?” Jessie asked, even though I’d already refused when Andrei offered me to join them. They all planned to go to this new hot wings place, which also offered a vegan option, and bet on who could handle the most heat. Apparently, the restaurant held some sort of a spicy challenge.

“No, but have fun wasting your time.” I pulled out a smoke and was about to turn around and go when I heard that idiotic Miles speak.

“Told you he’d pass,” he muttered to Andrei under his breath, and fuck, if that didn’t piss me off.

“And why’s that?” I asked, giving them both a questioning eyebrow.

“Nothing, man. We just figured you wouldn’t want to join the bet.” Andrei shrugged. “We know you don’t like playing games.”

“Probably because he can’t handle losing,” Miles added while rolling his eyes.

The guy seriously had a death wish, speaking about me like I was some sort of a brainless Neanderthal with anger issues. Sure, occasionally, I struggled to contain my composure, but I was far from being an idiot he could just mock.

“Is that so.” The muscle in my jaw tensed before I gave Miles a big fake smile that matched his own. “You think I’ll lose a bet to you?” I didn’t even try to hide my disdain for the smug bastard. He was a piece of shit, and I made sure he knew it.

Shay-Lee

All I could think about while walking past the front desk and down the hall leading to the lounge was how impatient I’d been to see Nero. The kiss we shared last night took up all the empty space in my head, so I increased my pace to see him sooner. Thinking about him filled my gut with comfort and put a smile on my face, feelings I was a stranger to.

I was well aware of my tendency to get easily attached to people and desperately seek their attention. It happened to me with Miles and Jordan and probably with any other human I tried to impress in one way or another. But those desires were constantly inflamed by my demons, by my need to escape reality. Sadly, it almost never worked because acting the way I did forced me to think of why I sought this attention, why I needed the distraction, and the answer was what caused me to turn any relationship I had into a toxic situation.

He was the answer.

He was the cause, while I was the result.

And while almost everything in the world brought me back to him, Nero didn’t. The way Nero’s lips tasted didn’t remind me of his, nor did Nero’s strong arms or comforting scent. Nothing that Nero did ever reminded me of him.

So far, the pleasure I experienced with Nero didn’t fill my body with shame but the opposite. It made me wish for more, so much more. But I wasn’t sure Nero felt the same, at least not until last night when we kissed, and his desperation finally matched my own.

There was a moment when he almost opened his eyes. Knowing he wasn’t ready for the spell between us to be broken, I’d covered them for him, but also for myself. Was I willing to risk losing him before I’d even got him?

All my thoughts were put on hold the second I stepped inside the lounge and saw my black Gatto performing on the stage. It took him less than half a minute to notice me, and the moment he did, a sinful smile spread across his lips. It was impossible to focus on anything but how he moved his body when he danced. But tonight, there was something new about him. There was a dramatic shift that made him even more attractive than before, if that were possible. But before I could dive deeper into how hot Nero looked with his new hairstyle, I was interrupted by a man desperate for my attention.

“What now?” I hissed as Dion came to block my view.

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