Page 110 of Explosive Prejudice

And even though I understood his anger, the hate he reflected on me was stronger than my empathy, and when he spoke to Shay-Lee in that way, it only heated my already boiling blood more.

“You watch your fucking mouth,” I warned and got closer when Shay-Lee put his hand on me.

“Camilo, it’s okay. I can leave. I don’t want to cause any problems.” While Shay-Lee spoke, Andrei clenched his fists.

“You don’t want to cause any more problems? You son of a bitch, all you do is cause problems!” Andrei shouted right before he charged at Shay-Lee.

Pure instinct took over me as I pushed Shay-Lee aside and took the punch. The rest happened in the blink of an eye as I lost all reason. I grabbed Andrei and tossed him over the wooden cabinet in the kitchen. The furniture crushed under his weight, and I was on him in seconds.

“Don’t touch him,” I growled as I began punching him. “Don’t you lay a fucking finger on him!” My throat burned and felt like it was being ripped apart from my screaming, feeling like the beast within me was fighting to get free. And on who? My best friend? The guy who I used to consider a brother? And yet, I couldn’t stop. I was so angry that nothing reached me, nothing but the sounds of smacking flesh and the unsettling urge to break. To ruin. To fucking kill.

Miles screamed, then hit my back, fighting hard to get me off Andrei, but it was no more than a mosquito bite. Grabbing Miles by the collar of his shirt, I tossed him on the floor before returning my attention to Andrei. Only then others tried to break us apart. But I couldn’t hear or see any of them, and instead, images of Shay-Lee being beaten and torn apart flashed before me, mixing with images of my mom’s brain spattered on the walls, the blood between Carmen’s thighs, and the sounds of my dad hitting me again, and again, and again, breaking me more with each hit until there was nothing left.

“Camilo, stop, please, stop.”

Shay-Lee’s voice breached past my darkness and was followed by the touch of his skin and the warmth of his hug. As if time had stopped, I looked down and saw his arms wrapped around my chest as he hugged me from behind. I inhaled deeply, and once I exhaled, time started moving again. Only then I realized what I’d just done.

“How’s Andrei?” I asked as Chief gave me a pack of frozen peas to ice my knuckles. I’d punched so many people in the last twenty-four hours that my hands hurt like a motherfucker.

“Icing his face,” he answered and sat on the table in front of me. We were currently sitting in his bedroom, where he’d taken me after they managed to tear me away from Andrei. I didn’t mean to unleash all of my anger on him, but it just… happened.

“Shit,” I swore, remembering his bloodied face once I was done with him. Sure, I was angry at the world and Andrei in particular, but to think I could do that? To hit him until I was forced off him? It scared me, terrified me even.

The violence I held within scared me to death. Each time I lost control this way made me think of my father and how much I was turning to be just like him.

“He’ll have two black eyes, but you didn’t break anything.” Chief tried to cheer me up for some reason while rubbing my shoulder.

“I didn’t mean to do it.” I focused on the bloodied bandage around my knuckles.

“I understand that, but it doesn’t make it okay.”

I nodded because I understood it, too. Nothing ever justified violence, but it was stronger than me. When I snapped and saw red, nothing else mattered.

“We’ve talked about it before. About you going to meetings or counseling about this rage you hold.”

We’d been talking about it since I moved in, yet I never agreed. After all, what was the point?

But what if you’d hurt Shay-Lee?

That was impossible.

So was the thought of hurting Andrei.

Maybe one day, I’d lose my shit with Shay-Lee, and I’d beat him the way his father did. I already had many times before we got together. For God’s sake, I loved choking him while we fucked because it felt good. Not just good. It felt un-fucking-real. I was sick in the head, but that was a given, looking back at my violent and messed-up past.

“I really think counseling would do you good. There’s a group meeting at the community center every Wednesday afternoon. We can go there together. But if you’d prefer something more private, we can search for a good therapist.”

Pressing my lips together, I nodded. “I’ll think about it.” I looked up at him. “Where’s Shay-Lee?”

“He’s in the kitchen with Kai.”

At least he wasn’t alone.

Putting the pack of frozen peas aside, I stood. “I’m going to see him. I’ll take him to my room. He needs to rest. We can talk more after.”

Frowning, Chief stood and grabbed my shoulder. “Diesel, this is your home. I said it before, and I’ll repeat it: you’re always welcome to stay here.”

“Okay… and?” I asked after he paused for too long.

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