Page 16 of Jordan

“That day I did. I told her to call off the hit, and it was a hit. I had someone planted in the other organization who relayed information to me. Your mother said it was time. She wanted us out of the picture. The man she was sleeping with was supposed to be the one who pulled the trigger. He never made it here. The person I had on the inside escorted him when he left the property and killed him along the way. She wasn’t aware that I knew everything. She wore a smile on her face like everything was fine and wasn’t waiting for our deaths. I confronted her; she refused to call off the hit. I put the gun to her head and pulled the trigger, as you already know. If I hadn’t stopped her, she would have found someone else to do her bidding. Another man who would give her the attention she needed until she became obsessed and wanted even more. Your mother was thirsty for the high she got from being with powerful men.”

Jesus. She wanted to kill her child? What in the ever-loving fuck? I was more than shocked when JJ said Jordan killed his wife in front of him, wondering what kind of monster I was cooking for. But now, holy fuck, what was even happening? Jordan wasn’t the monster in this scenario. His wife was.

“This is crazy,” JJ muttered. “All this time… All these years…. I’ve been under the illusion that you’re a murder-hungry asshole. Why did you keep it to yourself for so long?”

“Why tell you and ruin how you saw her? A mother is supposed to be one of the most important people in a child’s life. I would rather you hated me than her. Besides, I couldn’t tell you what happened when you were that young. You wouldn’t have understood, nor did I want to say those words to you.”

“So, you let me believe you were a cold-blooded murderer?” JJ yelled.

“I am. I put a gun to my wife’s head and killed her.”

“Not because you were hell-bent on revenge! You did it to stop her!” I wanted to ask about locking her ass up in prison, but I wasn’t familiar with Jordan’s world and the way things ran. If he tried to call the cops and involve them, I imagined it would have opened a whole other bag of bullshit he didn’t want. So, he handled it himself and played it off like a robbery gone wrong.

“It was my fault,” Jordan stated.

“How?”

“If I hadn’t been in the life I was, if I wasn’t involved in those activities, maybe she wouldn’t have gone down the path she was on.”

“Are you fucking serious right now? Don’t make excuses for her.”

“I’m not. I’m stating facts.”

“You’ve lived with the guilt all this time,” Greer murmured. “You kept it to yourself and let your son hate you so you could save the vision he had of his mom.”

“I did.”

“Holy shit,” Dexen said. “I… Just holy shit. Jordan, I can’t imagine all you’ve been through.”

“Don’t you dare, Dexen,” Jordan said firmly. “Don’t you dare pity me. I did what I had to. I saved my son and made myself the villain. It was a choice, and I don’t regret it. I chose the wrong woman to love, but that woman gave me the best part of my life. She gifted me with a child I would die for, back then and today.”

“Oh my god,” JJ muttered, obviously still in shock. “How do I even process this?”

“You do it with your men by your side,” Jordan told him. “You bask in the love they give you and hold them tight. They’ll see you through.”

“But you’re not how I thought you were.”

“I am. I still kill. I still do other shit.”

“But you didn’t murder my mother because you’re horrible.”

“It happened just the same,” he said. “As it did with Malik.” I’d heard that name before. Malik was mentioned when Jordan was. But he was supposed to have died at the hands of someone who broke into his house. I remembered hearing it on the news.

“You didn’t kill Malik because you didn’t love him,” Dexen stated. “You killed him because it was end him or watch him kill JJ. You made the right call.” Jesus. What the media portrayed was for a reason. I understood that. It kept Jordan out of prison. But these two deaths… They were to save his son.

“I know,” Jordan replied. “That doesn’t change the facts. The only two people I have ever loved like that I had to kill myself. What does that say about me?”

“That you have shitty choices in partners?” Greer offered.

“Honestly,” Dexen scolded him.

“What? It’s the truth. You need someone you can rely on who won’t go behind your back.”

“I don’t need anyone,” Jordan interjected. “All it does is invite trouble.”

“That’s why you’re alone,” JJ added, but it was almost like he was saying it to himself. “That’s why you never told Malik you loved him until he was staring down the barrel of your gun. You didn’t want to put yourself in that situation again.”

“I did anyway.”

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