Page 64 of Ballads of Lines Blurred

Hale was happy to take his partners on a day date to get out of the house and give Milo and me some time. He said Milo had been moping around the house. Anything I could do to make his brother happy; Hale was on board with. He also told me not to fuck it up between us, that Milo deserved the best. I didn’t disagree with him. The last thing I wanted was to hurt Milo.

I pulled into Milo’s driveway and shut off the truck, second-guessing myself and whether I should have brought Cody along or not. A part of me felt like the problem was with me and not Cody. Whether that was my anxiety talking or not, I wasn’t certain. The thought I did something to upset Milo was eating away at me. I had to fix it if I could.

The front door of the home loomed as I walked the stone path to it. The nerves in my stomach increased, flooding to the rest of my body. I couldn’t fight the sense of dread that washed over me, sucking me in, making me question what I was doing. I trudged forward though and rang the doorbell. It hooked up to their phones. They could see who was at their house. With only Milo home, he’d either ignore me or let me in. By now, he should be awake. I purposely waited until two in the afternoon.

Patience wasn’t one of my strong suits. Standing in front of his house, waiting for the moment I could see him, talk to him, hold him, it felt like hours went by when it was probably closer to a minute.

The door opened and I got a different Milo than I was used to. One with newly dyed deep blue hair, reminding me of the ocean way out at sea. Dark smudges sat beneath his eyes and a pillow crease lined one cheek. “Slay, what are you doing here?”

“Can we talk?”

“Yeah, sure.” He moved to the side so I could enter his house and closed the door behind me.

“What’s going on? Are you okay? Is Cody?” Panic rose in his voice with every word.

“Nothing like that.” I should have asked if we could sit, but I couldn’t wait any longer. My anxiety drove me to blurt out what I wanted to know. “What did I do to hurt you?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve been pulling away from us, not wanting to hang out with Cody and me. Please tell me what I did so I can fix things.” I wasn’t above begging. I’d do anything to mend what was broken.

“Shit,” he muttered. “I could stand here and lie. I could say there’s nothing going on, but you can already tell there is. The truth?”

I nodded. “Always.”

“Do you want to be with me, Slater, or is it only Cody you want? This past week… After we said those words… I know he was hurt but it feels like you’ve been paying more attention to him. Of course, now that I say it out loud it sounds childish. I should have kept my mouth shut.”

“No,” I rushed to say. “I want you to tell me when you’re feeling some way. If I paid more attention to Cody, it was only because I’m still worried about him. He’s healing and not hurting anymore, but I still feel awful about what happened. And yes, I know it wasn’t my fault, but logic and my brain don’t always go hand in hand.”

“I just… Sometimes I wonder if I’m really part of this relationship, or if I was just a placeholder until you and Cody fell in love. It’s not a new fear, but it seemed to grow roots after he got hurt. It was like I was looking from the outside in. I saw how perfect you two are together, and the doubts crept in, making me wonder if I fit.”

I stepped forward, unable to resist any longer, and put my hand on his cheek to draw his eyes up to mine. “Yes, I’ve had feelings for Cody longer, but you are not a placeholder. I meant it when I told you I love you. I fell hard and fast for you. I’m sorry if I wasn’t giving you what you needed. That’s on me. I’ll be sure to rectify it. There aren’t enough words to describe how sorry I am that our communication fell through the cracks, that you felt like you weren’t as important to me. Please don’t walk away. Don’t give up on us.”

By the time the last words left my lips, I could hardly push them out with how badly I trembled. The thought of him leaving, of thinking I didn’t want him like I did Cody, it had my knees weak and my heart pounding in my chest.

For so long I pushed Cody away because of his age. After finally letting him in, giving him space alongside where Milo resided, I thought we were good. If anything were to fall apart, it would have been me fucking up with them both. I never thought it would be my fault in a different way. Being in a relationship with two men wasn’t easy. There were more emotions, more complex issues I didn’t consider, like making sure they felt loved and an equal part of what we were building.

“Hey,” he said softly, placing his hand on my chest over my heart, which felt like it was attempting to race away. “I’m not leaving. I got scared and started to doubt how this could work when you and Cody already felt what you did. I entered after you established a connection, even if it was one you didn’t want to admit early on. When he got hurt, I nearly broke, but in that awful moment when he lay in the hospital bed, we also made it brighter by declaring our love for each other. The days that followed, I saw the attention you gave him and a part of me wondered if I’d ever get the same from you, or if it was reserved for Cody. My insecurities got in the way.”

“We’ll get better at this, at including each other so this doesn’t happen again. You mean so much to me. I can’t lose you.”

“I’m not going anywhere, rock star.” He erased the space between us so he could embrace me tightly. I held him back just as fiercely, breathing in his scent. “What do you say we pay Cody a visit at the gym? I wasn’t the only one worried I was losing you.”

“God, I’m such an asshole. I didn’t realize what I was doing to both of you.”

“You’re not. If anyone knows what it’s like to get caught in their head, it’s me. Please don’t pull away again though. If something’s bothering you, tell us. I want to fix it before we get to this point.”

“I will. Let’s go visit our man.” He chuckled and shook his head. “I still can’t believe I have two boyfriends. How the fuck did that happen?”

“You’ve got me. I’m still trying to figure out why the two of you want anything to do with me.”

“I guess we have to keep building each other up so we can push the doubts away.”

“I’d like that.”

I followed Milo upstairs so he could get changed. The clothes he wore didn’t even register to me until he pointed out the old T-shirt with a hole in the pit and the shorts that were two sizes too big and held up by their attached string. I couldn’t say anything, given the number of similar shirts I owned. Comfort was key when lounging around the house.

While he changed, I walked around his room, stepping over discarded clothing that I found cute instead of annoying. If we were all the same, it wouldn’t be interesting and fun to be together. Milo tried kicking the clothes under his bed, except his foot got tangled in a shirt and he had to shake it loose.

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