Page 43 of Ballads of Lines Blurred

“I want to. You should know about me too. My parents had a boat they loved to go out on the ocean on. They had it docked in a marina and when they got the chance, like a long weekend or a holiday, they’d take it out, sometimes sleeping on it and enjoying the time away, just the two of them. They were so in love. The kind of love most dream of. Hale and I went too sometimes, not that weekend though. It was their anniversary, and we told them they should be alone to celebrate. While they were out there, a guy in his forties was drunk off his ass and piloting a bigger boat than my parents’. He wasn’t paying attention. My parents couldn’t get out of the way fast enough. The boats collided and my parents were killed. Hale and I weren’t minors. The police showed up at our door to tell us what happened.

“One minute my mom and dad were there, and the next they weren’t. Hale and I walked around in a fog, but we also knew we had to take care of the arrangements. My dad had his own business that suddenly was without him at the helm. There was a two-person funeral to plan. Luckily, they had a will, and it directed every step. Except, Hale and I had to handle the funeral planning on our own. Our extended family wasn’t in the picture. When they found out Hale and I weren’t straight, they didn’t want anything to do with us. At least we had each other. It was brutal though, having to bury two parents.” I snapped my mouth shut when I realized what I said. Lifting my head, I looked at Cody. “I’m so sorry.” He had to bury his parents by himself. Not only that, but he didn’t have the money to do it properly.

“It’s okay. I’m glad you had Hale. I used what little money my parents had for their burials, but I couldn’t afford headstones or even a proper service. Xaiden though… He made sure they got beautiful headstones.”

“I’m glad you have them.”

“Me too. I’m sorry you lost your parents.”

“Thanks. I don’t think you can really be ready for that. Even if they passed in their sleep, it would have hurt. To know they were taken from us because some guy drank too much and was powering such a big vessel…”

“Where is he now?”

“Prison, where he belongs.” I wanted him dead, but I kept those words to myself.

Slater cleared his throat and got up to go into the kitchen. Cody and I didn’t move as he retreated from view.

“I was hoping he’d open up to us,” Cody whispered. “I read something today and wanted to ask him about it, but not before sharing about me first. Now I worry I might have driven him further away.”

“That man is hooked on you, honey. There’s only so far he’ll go before he’ll return.”

“What about you?”

I smiled. It felt good after the conversation we had. “I’m right where I want to be. Who knew I was a relationship man, after all?”

Cody grinned. “I’m happy to hear it.”

When Slater didn’t return in a few minutes, Cody and I went to him. Slater’s kitchen was open to a dining area. Dark wood cabinets with a gray stone counter, the rustic feel of the house flowed into here too. We found Slater with his hip resting against the counter and his chin to his chest.

Cody went to him first, putting his hands on his hips. “You disappeared.”

Slater lifted his head, showing us his puffy eyes. He wasn’t the only one crying. While Cody told his story, all three of us shed tears at what he’d gone through. Losing my parents was awful, but I didn’t witness it like he did. “I’m sorry,” Slater whispered. “Sorry for what happened to your family. Sorry for how I’ve pushed you away. After all you’ve been through, you didn’t need me doing that to you.”

“You don’t need to apologize. What happened with my parents, while still painful, is in the past. I try not to live there. I want a future with you and Milo. To tell you what happened, I was hoping you’d finally see me. Not my age, not my youth, but a man who craves you down to my very core. I trust you with the most vulnerable parts of myself.” Cody reached back for me. I went willingly. Sometimes I wasn’t sure if I fit, but when he did things like this, including me, it made me warm and fluttery inside. Like I had a place with these two.

Slater wrapped an arm around me and one around Cody. “I hate pushing you away, but the facts don’t change. The media is going to dig up what you went through, and you’ll relive it. I don’t want to see pain on your face like that ever again. Same with you, Milo. You two have been through far too much. Being with me will open old wounds and make them fresh again.”

“It’s worth it if we have you to come home to,” I told him. “I’ll go through whatever I need to, so I end up right here with you both. I didn’t want this originally. I didn’t want to get invested. One date with each of you and I began to fall. I’ve been doing so since. Every touch, no matter how innocent, hooks me. Your words, your minds, your big hearts, sign me up. I want it all.”

Cody grinned. “Me too.”

“You should know about me then,” Slater said. “Why I’m this way, at least part of it.”

“We’re here to listen if you want to tell us,” I offered.

“Can we sit outside?”

“Of course.”

A wide patio spanned the length of the front of the house with stone pavers. There were lounge chairs and a small round table with chairs around it. The same feeling of comfort flowed from the inside out.

Instead of sitting, Slater walked to where the grass met the stone and stood with his hands in his shorts’ pockets. “I’ve had panic attacks since I was a teenager, but they were so minor, I didn’t realize what they were. As the band did better and we climbed the charts, my anxiety grew with it. I was fine on stage. Off it was a different story. Cas, Reed, and Dash were there with me every step of the way, but it was Cas I clung to in times of fear. He’d always come to me when I needed him and helped me through them. He was a strong presence who anchored me. Not once did he judge me or make me feel like I was being ridiculous. And I hated myself for leaning on him, because I was in love with Reed and knew how much they cared about each other. It was a part of me I kept hidden. Then I ended up yelling at them and saying shit I shouldn’t have. Words I regretted. Thankfully, we talked and healed.”

He blew out a breath. “I’m getting off topic. When the band was gaining popularity fast, one of my cousins, someone Dash and I’d always gotten along with, started hanging around us more. We thought little of it at the time. Then shit started popping up on social media, stuff no one should have known. Will did though. He sold what he knew, stuff we’d told him in private. Dash and I didn’t realize where it was coming from at first. Once we knew, we confronted him. Will waved us off, saying it was no big deal. Cas and Reed convinced us to tell Flynn, our manager. By then, the damage was done. Personal details about us were out there like our fucking phone numbers, which we had to change, even our parents’ addresses. Will told the media where we’d be and when. We lost all privacy. Hell, he was the one who outed me. I was planning to come out, but he beat me to it. There was a woman I had gone on a couple of dates with. She didn’t know I wasn’t straight. I didn’t get a chance to tell her before she read about me. She broke it off, calling me names. It was for the best. Had I known she was like that, I wouldn’t have gotten together with her.”

The thought of not being able to get a moment to myself, of being hounded by reporters, cameras, fans… no. Hell no. No wonder he stuck to one-night stands.

“The lawyers served Will papers, threatening him with more if he continued. My anxiety got a lot worse during that time. Cas was there for me. He was even there when Will showed up at the house one night after our lawyers had already been in contact. I guess he got in deep with drugs and alcohol. Will started yelling at us, telling us it was our fault for making him be quiet and how we owed him. Fuck, he was so damn high. I called the cops while Casper tried to talk him down, but Cas isn’t always the calmest guy. They ended up trading punches. When we heard sirens in the distance, Will fled in his car before we could stop him. Cas called it in, not wanting anyone to get hurt by Will, given how fast he tore out of there. The cops chased him, but by the time they caught up, he’d already rolled his car. The force of the accident ejected him. He wasn’t wearing a seat belt. The accident killed him.”

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