Page 40 of Ballads of Lines Blurred

My knees nearly gave out. Every step he took away from me had more tears building in my eyes. “I did this,” I whispered as the door shut, closing him in.

Milo’s arm went around my waist in a brief side hug. “You did, but you can also fix it.”

“He said it would be just sex. That he would be there for me if I needed him. That’s what tonight was.”

“No, tonight was us bonding in a way I’ve never done with anyone else. I can’t tell you what to do, but it wasn’t just sex for me. I know it wasn’t for Cody either. He can say that’s what he’ll take, and maybe it was when he first offered it. Tonight proved we’re all in this too deep for it to be strictly about the physical aspect.”

Dash couldn’t take the defeat on my face any longer and came forward so he could wrap his arms around me. “You’re going to figure it out.”

I buried my face against his shoulder and let the tears fall. “I don’t want him to leave.”

“I think it’s better if you give him some space. You two got into a heated conversation. Breathing room is good.”

“He’s not leaving for good,” Milo added. “Dash is right. Let’s take a breath. I’ll text you.” Milo hugged me from behind. It was far too brief. If Dash wasn’t here, I’d gasp for breath and beg Milo to come back.

Dash kept his arm around me as we walked inside. The car pulled from the driveway onto the road. I gripped the arm of the couch to stay upright. “Why am I so fucked up?”

“You’re not. You’ve come so damn far, Slater.” His hand rubbed soothingly over my back.

“It’s all his fault.” I didn’t even like saying his name, let alone thinking it. I wasn’t talking about Milo or Cody. This was a man who hurt me and the others in the band.

Anxiety wasn’t fun. It sucked epically. While I had some panic attacks for no reason, others I knew damn well where they came from. Like the ones surrounding social media and being judged. That had a root cause. One who was no longer in our lives.

18

CODY

The quiet was getting to me. Usually I reveled in it, taking a lull at work for all its worth. Today, it let my mind wander. It made me curious if this was how Slater felt when his anxiety got bad. Like the more attention he gave it, the worse it got.

I’d thought about talking to Milo and Slater, telling them what happened the day my life changed drastically and what followed from my perspective. After last night, I wasn’t sure if I’d be in front of Slater again. Would he want me there? We got into it, and I left because I couldn’t take it any longer. There was bound to be a breaking point. I thought we’d finally hit it.

My fingers tapped away on my phone. With nothing to do, I gave in to my curiosity and searched Slater’s name online. I wanted to see if people bashed him like he thought they did. It wasn’t that everyone would love him. I knew they wouldn’t, but something triggered him. To help him—yes, I still wanted to—I needed to know what happened so I could.

The articles were mostly publications at first, stories about the band, their success, and some about Reed, Casper, and Elic. More about Dash and his men. The media loved it, and the articles were positive. Social media was another story. There were tons of videos, posts, etcetera, either to support them or against them. I kept scrolling.

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been mindlessly going before a headline caught my attention.

Dash and Slater Meadows’ Cousin Killed in Car Accident

I immediately clicked on it and read the article from almost fifteen years ago. Their cousin’s car left the road and rolled multiple times. He was ejected. They tried reviving him, but he died. Drug paraphernalia and empty alcohol bottles were found scattered at the scene and in the vehicle.

“Jesus,” I muttered.

Tapping on the counter in front of me drew my eyes up. Xaiden had caught me not working.

“Sorry,” I said sheepishly.

“You’re fine. I don’t expect you to constantly be working.” He glanced around. “Why don’t you take the afternoon off?”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind staying.”

“Something’s clearly bothering you, Code. I’m here if you want to talk, but I have a feeling there’s someone else you’d rather talk to.”

“I do. Rain check?” I loved Xaiden and wanted to speak to him. I needed to figure things out with Slater and Milo first. Sleep didn’t come easily last night, my mind going over the words we said. Milo held my hand the entire way home, assuring me we’d work it out.

“Rain check,” Xaiden said with a smile.

Grabbing my things, I left out the back and got into my SUV. A ten-year-old Ford Escape that got me where I needed to go. This was the first thing I bought with the money I earned working for Xaiden. He would have gladly paid for it, but it was important for me to do it on my own. Val came with me when I bought it and haggled the price down, spouting off the work it needed and how he was a mechanic. The guy buckled and knocked a couple thousand dollars off the price. It wasn’t until we drove it away that Val told me it only needed a little work, and he could easily do it.

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