Page 5 of Ballads of Lines Blurred

“Not now.” Hale knocked it out of my fingers. “Get some sleep first. While Slater will be a great hookup, he doesn’t need to be woken up because you’re thinking with your dick.” He took another healthy bite of burrito, not caring he choked on the last one. The lesson wasn’t learned to take less into his mouth.

“What if I fuck him and he still comes to the club? Then it’s going to be awkward when I see him.”

“How many times have you talked to him?”

“Um, once, I think. The night he played there we chatted for five seconds, and then he disappeared into one of the VIP rooms upstairs.”

“Close to never. But we have to remember he’s friends with our friends. Plus, there’s Cody to take into consideration.”

I didn’t want to think about him, but I did anyway. Cody was hot, fucking beautiful, and sexy. I could go on. Although, he was Xaiden, Val, and Corbin’s son. I waited to get chastised every time I looked at him. The three of them were protective of Cody, and rightfully so. Damn, I wouldn’t pass up getting in bed with him. There was the nine-year age difference to consider. Then again, Slater was ten years older than me. Our ages didn’t matter.

Why was I even thinking about them?

“I’m blaming you,” I told Hale.

With a mouth full of burrito, he asked, “What did I do?” I was surprised I understood him.

“You and your two men. Dex and his. All the others and theirs. What the hell is happening? Are two men not a thing anymore?”

Hale shrugged. “Have you ever been sandwiched between two men? There’s nothing better, whether you’re fucking or not. It’s the best place to be.”

He had me there. I’d been in threesomes before, but they were to get off and nothing else. Fun times during sex. Then I left. God, I was horrible. I couldn’t commit. Didn’t want to. Except…

“No.” I shoved the stool back. “I can’t do this. There is no reason for me to be thinking about more with two men.”

The rest of the burrito fell from Hale’s hand, narrowly landing on the plate. “Oh my god.” He brought his hands together and placed them over his heart. “You’re growing up. My boy!” He raced around the island to wrap his arms around me. “You’re considering commitment. This is a big day. We should celebrate it with bungee jumping.” That was my brother, always looking for the next big thrill to conquer. He thought we weren’t on to him, but his partners and I knew he offered up big excursions, so we’d agree to smaller, equally fun ones. Although, Hale would bungee jump in a hot second if given the chance. He wasn’t all talk.

“What happened?” I heard behind me. Simon had entered the room while Hale was praising me for no longer thinking with only my dick.

“Nothing,” I said and gently pried my brother from me. “I considered more than sex for a second, and Hale thought it meant I was ready to walk down the aisle. My dick is going to be my focus. I can’t handle this emotion in the middle of the night.”

Hale leaned away and swiped under his eye. “He’s doing it, Si. Milo’s growing up.”

Simon put his arm around Hale’s shoulders. “You raised him right, sweetheart.”

“I did, didn’t I?” Hale beamed up at his lover, who stood in the kitchen in nothing but a pair of light gray boxer briefs that even in the dim light didn’t conceal what he had. There was also the sheer size of Simon overall. Standing four inches taller than Hale, he was broader and more muscular. Now, if Danny were down here, I’d see some serious muscle. That man was stacked.

Hale, Simon, and Danny exchanged vows last month and committed themselves to each other. My brother’s happiness meant everything to me. After losing our parents in a boating accident six years ago, I wondered when we’d truly smile again. Not in joking or in passing with casual friends. A genuine smile we felt in our hearts. Here Hale was doing just that. He had been since the three of them got together.

“You two are idiots,” I grumbled and stood. I was about to leave when Hale cleared his throat.

“Forgetting something?” The card was between his fingers as he held it up.

I swiped it from him and gave him the finger before leaving the kitchen. It wasn’t until I was in my bedroom with the door shut and lights off, I thought about Cody and Slater again. The card sat on the nightstand, silently coaxing me to call or text Slater. I couldn’t though, right? What good would come from it outside of us both coming our brains out? I wasn’t a commitment guy. The word even sounded funny in my head. It was probably because I hadn’t entertained it before. Was I now or was I trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do about the damn card?

Letting out a long breath, I rolled to my side, away from the card, and pulled the blankets over my head. It was May, and while the bitter cold of winter was gone; it wasn’t exactly early summer warm yet in Eastern Pennsylvania. Sleep was what I needed. How could I be so mixed up over whether or not to fuck a guy? It didn’t make sense.

The feeling inside of me, the desire to know what I was missing out on still stirred. Everyone was finding love. That had to be for a reason. They weren’t doing it for the hell of it. Big feelings were involved. A desire to live and love another, or two, in most cases.

Could I be that guy who stopped thinking with my dick and wanted a… I couldn’t even think the word when it came to me. Others I was fine. Me? A huge red flag waved in front of me.

I buried my face in the pillow and groaned. This was insane. Completely and totally out of character, and I didn’t know what to do about it.

3

SLATER

My phone had been vibrating on and off for the past hour. Ignoring it was easier than facing whoever it was. I woke up this morning feeling fine, but as the day wore on, the anxiety crept in on me. The more time that passed, the worse it got until I ended up on the couch with the TV on, a movie playing. I wasn’t actually watching. No matter what I did today, I couldn’t keep the anxiety at bay. Some days were like that. Others, I could easily dodge the gripping fear.

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