Page 27 of Ballads of Lines Blurred

He had dark curtains covering a good portion of the far wall. A bed sat in the center of the wall to my left, the comforter half on the floor where a pillow lay as three more were in various positions still on the bed.

Quickly, he bent down to scoop up clothing he’d left on the floor. “Sorry.” He gave me a sheepish smile. “I wasn’t expecting anyone. Honestly, I don’t bring people back here.” Inside the closet, Milo dropped the clothes into a hamper and shut the door. “It’s a mess in there too. I’m not the neatest.”

“I’m not here to judge you. Don’t worry about it.”

“Couch or bed?” he asked and shut the door to the room. Beneath the large window where the curtains hung was a crimson couch that had the armrests worn down like Milo relaxed on it often with his head on one end and his feet on the other.

“Couch,” I said, even though the rumpled bed looked inviting as hell. I worried I’d lie there and fall asleep.

Milo took one end of the couch, facing the other with his knee resting on the cushion. I sat in the middle, so I was close enough to touch him without doing so. The urge to reach for him was strong, but I had to tell him about Cody. He might not want anything to do with me after.

His finger grazed my knee. “Talk to me. I like to joke, but I can be serious.”

“I know you can.” I mimicked his position and laid my cheek against the back cushion of the couch. It molded to my body. No wonder he liked to sit here. “I saw Cody yesterday. He stopped by my house.”

“Really? How did that go?”

“He’d heard Reed sing a song I wrote about him. We didn’t know he was there and by the time we did, it was too late.”

“That must have been hard having him hear it like that.”

“I felt like someone ripped my chest open. The song was difficult on its own. Knowing he heard the words I wasn’t ready to share with anyone but the band… I ran like a coward. My anxiety got bad, and I had to get away. Reed found me in my room, then Cody did. He… he offered me something.”

“Drugs?” Milo asked with a straight face.

My head lifted in shock. “What? No. I might be in a band, but the most drugs I do is some weed in a brownie and even that’s not often.”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed. Any time I’ve seen all of you, I didn’t think you were high. You said he gave you something, and I immediately went to drugs.”

“He told me the next time my anxiety gets bad to call him and he’ll be there for me, but not in the same way Cas and the others are. He wants to be there for me intimately.” That didn’t even sound right. Intimate was a word I rarely used, but I didn’t know how else to phrase it.

“So, he wants to fuck you into oblivion until you feel better?”

“Thanks for putting into words what I couldn’t say,” I replied dryly.

Milo chuckled. “Okay, why is this an issue? Besides the fact that it’s probably not the best coping mechanism, at least as doctors would see it. Me, I know sex can cure a lot.” He waggled his eyebrows.

“You can’t help yourself, can you?” I chuckled.

“I love life, rock star. I won’t apologize for it. But if I’m ever being insensitive, tell me. I don’t mean it that way.”

“You don’t mind me being with Cody like that?”

Milo took my hand in his to dance his fingers along mine. “I told you before. I’m fine with whatever.”

“Well, I’m not fine with hurting you or Cody.”

“Let us make that call. We’re adults. If Cody didn’t think he could handle having you that way, he wouldn’t have said it. Does he want a relationship with you?”

“I think so, but I’m a wreck. I can’t give him what he should have.”

“All or nothing,” Milo breathed out. “You care about him.”

“I care about you both.”

“Then let us be here for you in whatever way you need. Neither of us has said we want you to shower us with affection or declare your love for us. We’re trying to navigate what it means to be in your life.”

“You and I went on a date. I want more of that. To have sex with Cody while dating you doesn’t feel right though. I want you both, but don’t know how to make it work while also not falling completely apart at the hint I’m doing damage to either of you.”

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