Page 50 of Ballads of Lines Blurred

After such a great night, when it felt like everything was the way it was supposed to be, when I finally gave in and let myself have Cody. When Milo was so damn perfect. We accepted each other, all of us. I couldn’t have dreamed up a better night and morning after.

Today… crash and burn.

Story of my fucking life. Every time I had something good happen, it was like there needed to be a counterbalance.

Dropping onto the couch, I put my head in my hands and let the panic attack slam into me. There was no point in fighting it. Not this time. What I was so afraid of happened. Now to wait for the inevitable fallout.

My phone vibrated on the cushion next to me. I promptly ignored it, knowing nothing good would come from it. Every bad thought circled my head, telling me this beautiful relationship I had with Milo and Cody was over. They wouldn’t want anything to do with me. Why would they when their parents’ deaths had been resurrected for the world to see on a grander scale?

Most of the time my anxiety toyed with me, got me to think about the horrible things that could happen, but ninety-nine percent of the time, they didn’t. It was all in my head. Today, it came true.

My leg jumped up and down, an outlet for the energy coursing through me. I was a live wire waiting for a connection to drain it. Once the energy burned out of me, I would fall hard and be exhausted. I’d been on this merry-go-round one too many times.

The sliding door slammed open, causing me to jump. Dash strode toward me, blond hair a mess with a pillow crease on his cheek. “No. We’re not letting this get to you.”

“Too late.”

Dash planted himself on the coffee table in front of me and gripped my hands in his. “They’re assholes, Slay. Every one of those reporters. They don’t care about you, Milo, or Cody. Their story and getting clicks are all that matters to them. Not any of your lives. So, stop. Milo and Cody won’t walk away from you. They knew this was going to happen, and they stayed by your side. They showed everyone you’re theirs. You need to do the same. Stand with them. Support them.”

My eyes widened as a new dose of fear pumped through my veins, forcing the air in my lungs to freeze. I couldn’t get words out at first, but eventually said, “I wouldn’t leave them.”

“Do they know that?”

“Oh my god.” My hands shook as I gripped my phone and unlocked the screen. There was message after message in the group chat I had with Milo and Cody. They were reassuring me, telling me they were fine, and they were coming to see me.

Tears built in my eyes. How could they still want me after this?

I turned the phone so my brother could see it. The trembling of my bottom lip got so bad, I had to bite it.

“They’re not going anywhere,” he told me, reinforcing they still wanted me.

“You said I needed to stand by them. I wouldn’t abandon them.”

“I was redirecting you. Trying to get you to focus on them needing you and not the fear ruling your mind.”

“Fucker,” I mumbled. It worked though. He got me unlocked and grabbing my phone.

“You okay?” Romeo asked as he stepped through the still open sliding door and pulled the screen door shut behind him. A pair of pajama pants sat low on his hips. There were red lips covering them. I recognized them as my brother’s.

“No, but I think I will be,” I told him.

If anyone knew what it was like to have a panic attack, it was Romeo. He suffered them badly like I did, but our triggers were different. Taking a seat next to me on the couch, he put his arm around my shoulders and let me lean into him.

When Dash started dating him and Tristan, I didn’t know either of them well, outside of the one-night stand I had with Tristan years ago. I learned Romeo and I had anxiety in common, something we bonded over, as shitty as it was.

I put my head on Romeo’s shoulder while gripping Dash’s hands, grateful they stayed at my brother’s house last night, so I didn’t have to be alone with my rampant fears right now. “Thank you.”

“You never have to thank us,” Dash said.

“Tris is making a big breakfast,” Romeo added. “Milo and Cody are on their way over. After you three talk; come by and we’ll eat together.”

“I’d like that.” Being surrounded by friends and family would do me good. Having Milo and Cody in my arms would be even better.

“Move over,” Dash said.

Romeo and I scooted to the right. Dash wedged himself on my other side. The three of us sat together with their arms around me, knowing I needed their touch to let me know I wasn’t alone. Romeo started telling me about Jordan and how he reacted when he saw the cake Romeo’s mom made for him.

“He took a butcher knife out of my cabinet and hacked it up,” Romeo said. “Cake went everywhere. There was an intestine on the floor. A rib fell onto the counter.”

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