Page 9 of The Love Hack

I couldn’t help letting out a whoop of excitement.

‘What’s up?’ Neil asked. ‘Won the lottery?’

‘It’s not all about money, you know,’ said Marco. ‘Maybe Lucy’s hot date from Saturday asked her out again.’

‘Or she read my column saying that skinny jeans are over and never coming back?’ put in Simon.

‘Or she’s been offered a job somewhere where she’s not surrounded by idiots,’ suggested Chiraag.

‘What’s going on, Lucy?’ asked Ross. ‘Do we need to hit the pub after work to celebrate whatever it is?’

‘Adam’s in business,’ I told them triumphantly. ‘I’ve got a whole mailbox full of problems.’

‘First time I ever heard anyone sound so happy about having problems,’ Ross noted drily, but I just grinned at him like a loon and after a second he grinned back.

I adjusted my glasses, flexed my fingers and turned to the brimming mailbox. I needed a strategy. Perhaps I’d be able to at least frame a response to some of the emails before I needed to lean on Amelie for help. Maybe I needed some sort of a system – colour-coding them, or automatically filtering them by keyword so that anything containing the word ‘penis’ got diverted into a folder where I’d never have to look at it again. Or alternatively?—

‘Lucy?’ Neil’s voice interrupted my concentration.

‘Yes?’ I glanced at him.

He was holding his empty mug, and as I watched, he tipped it upside down in a meaningful manner. A dribble of cold tea landed on his desk and he wiped it up with his sleeve.

‘I’m awfully thirsty,’ he said. ‘Any chance of a brew?’

Shit. Half an hour earlier, I’d have leaped to my feet, taken a round of drinks orders and hurried to the kitchen, relieved to have something to do. But now I did have something to do – something important, something that was my actual job.

I’d made a rod for my own back, I realised. All those helpful trips to the kitchen, all that checking whether Chiraag’s lemon and ginger tea was strong enough and putting just one ice cube in Simon’s glass of water had come back to bite me in the arse.

I was the only woman in the team, and now it seemed I’d volunteered to keep all these men hydrated and caffeinated for the foreseeable future.

I wanted to say no – but at the same time I didn’t want to come across as unhelpful, lazy or bitchy.

‘Come on, mate,’ Ross said from the desk opposite mine. ‘Why’s that Lucy’s job?’

‘Do you think she switches on the kettle with her ovaries or something?’ asked Barney.

‘Are you okay, Neil?’ Chiraag asked with faux concern. ‘Couple of weeks ago, you took your turn to do a round of drinks, same as all the rest of us. Now you seem to have lost the use of your legs.'

‘Maybe Lucy gives him such a massive boner he’s scared to stand up,' suggested Marco.

‘Fine,’ Neil huffed. ‘Fine. Gotcha. I’ll?—’

‘Don’t worry.’ Now it was clear everyone was on my side, I felt guilty about causing ructions within the group. ‘I’ll do it. Just this once, mind.’

I stood up and started gathering up the empty cups. Opposite me, Ross did the same, collecting mugs from his side of the bank of desks and following me to the kitchen.

‘Thanks,’ I said. 'You didn’t have to do that.’

‘You didn't either,’ he pointed out.

‘I didn't mean the coffee,’ I explained. ‘I meant backing me up.’

Ross smiled. ‘Reckoned it wouldn’t do any harm. Give Neil an inch and he’ll take a mile.’

‘Well – thanks anyway. Guess you saved me from a lifetime of servitude.’

‘Somehow, I can’t quite see you in that role.’

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