Page 74 of The Love Hack

Because it was risky. Mostly, it happened in the office after everyone had gone home – on the sofa in reception, in a meeting room, on his desk chair. But sometimes it would be the middle of the day when he summoned me with an email, or his eyes, or just a few words. And then it was in the stationery cupboard.

I knew it was wrong – I knew it was stupid and dangerous. But I didn’t know how to stop it, and part of me didn’t want to stop it. For the first time in my life, I was the sexy girl, the girl a man couldn’t keep his hands off, the girl with the power to ignite desire.

But, increasingly, it didn’t feel right. I believed no one at work knew – certainly, I hadn’t told anyone. But, as the days began to grow longer and winter felt like it was finally drawing to a close, I did tell my sister. We were round at our parents’ place for Sunday lunch, and while we were stacking the dishwasher I leaned in and whispered, ‘So, I’ve kind of been seeing someone.’

‘Seeing someone? Like, a man?’

I nodded.

‘Seeing like as in having sex?’

‘Yes.’

‘Ooooh! Who is he?’

I told her. His name was Kieren, we worked together, he was a journalist. I bigged up his attractiveness, although the qualities I admired – his lean jawline, his incisive writing style, his air of being a slightly tortured soul – were attributes I knew my sister would totally not see the point of.

‘So when do I get to meet him?’ she asked.

‘I don’t know. We’ve kind of…’ We’ve never actually been out. Not together, as a couple.

But I couldn’t bring myself to admit that to my sister – I knew what her reaction would be. You what? Like, never? Luce, that’s not seeing someone, that’s being someone’s booty call.

As soon as I imagined her words in my head, I shut them off. More than that – I rewound the tape and erased them.

‘Luce? You’ve kind of what?’

‘It’s tricky,’ I said, ‘because of work, and me being still in my probation period, and him being older and a section editor. I don’t think he wants people in the office to know.’

Amelie raised one of her carefully shaped eyebrows. ‘Okaaay. Fair enough. Although to be honest, Luce, I’d question whether if he doesn’t want people to know he’s doing something, he should be doing it in the first place.’

‘It’s not like that! I don’t report to him or anything. And I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do.’

‘Cool,’ Amelie said. ‘So if he doesn’t want people at work to know, how about people not at work? You’re coming to my birthday drinks next month, right? Why not ask him along?’

The idea of Kieren surrounded by Amelie’s friends was almost impossible to imagine, but there was no way I could tell my sister that.

‘Okay,’ I said, although I felt far from certain. ‘I’ll ask him.’

More than a week passed before I could find the courage – a week in which I was barely alone with him, anyway. Finally, the next Monday evening, I got my chance. I was in the kitchen, rinsing coffee mugs and scooping up used teabags, when Kieren walked past, his bag slung over his shoulder.

‘Knocking-off time,’ he said casually. ‘You coming?’

‘I… yes. Just a second, I need to finish in here and get my things.’

He nodded. ‘See you downstairs.’

So this would be one of the nights when I went to his flat – almost a luxury, compared to our hurried, furtive encounters in the office. By now, I knew the ritual. The Tube journey, the walk to his house, the climb up the stairs, the glass of wine, the sex. I’d resisted the urge to mention anything about my sister or her birthday until afterwards – then, I’d learned, Kieren was at his most mellow. So I waited. I’d never been eager for sex with him to finish before, but that day I was. Rather than wanting the intimacy we had to last as long as possible, I was eager for a different kind of closeness.

‘Kieren?’ I said, as soon as I dared, just as I was feeling him easing his body away from mine.

‘Mmmm?’

‘What are you doing this weekend?’

‘Doing?’ he laughed. ‘Same as I always do. Pub on Friday, football with the lads on Saturday. Getting over my hangover on Sunday. Why?’

‘It’s my sister’s birthday and she’s having a party on Saturday night. Do you want to come?’ The words came out in a rush, before I could reconsider them.

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