Page 50 of The Love Hack

‘What would – what?’

‘Dear Adam,’ he improvised. ‘I’m heading on a corporate away day with a g— with my colleagues. How do I avoid making a total tit of myself?’

I laughed. ‘I mean, obviously I’d say, “Dear Ross, developing a non-fatal but highly infectious disease will allow you to get out of going to the horrible thing.”’

‘Bit late for that.’

‘I’m afraid so. But Adam would probably say, “Dear Ross, team-building activities are meant to be just that. Be yourself, have fun, remember not to take any of it too seriously. And?—”’

‘Don’t be a dick?’

‘Exactly. So I’ll be watching you closely for any signs of dickish behaviour.’

He grinned. ‘Looks like we’re going in.’

A metal door had swung open, and we all filed inside. A corner of the vast industrial unit had been cordoned off with hessian screens, and a table was set up with food and drink. The staff of Max! descended on it as if they hadn’t been fed for weeks, and I joined in. Ross had been separated from me by the hungry throng, and I found myself eating my cheese croissant and drinking my coffee alone, which was fine with me.

After a few minutes, someone tapped a teaspoon against a coffee mug and Neil called for attention.

‘Good morning all, and welcome to the Max! summer social. In case you haven’t worked it out yet, this year’s activity is an escape room challenge. I’ve divided everyone into teams of three, so please listen up and I’ll announce them in just a second.’

‘Aw, why can’t we choose our own teams?’ someone grumbled.

‘Because everyone would be fighting to have Lucy on theirs – duh,’ said Chiraag from behind me, and I almost choked on my croissant.

But there was no time to ask him why on earth he thought that, because names were being called and people were moving to the end of the room in awkward little clusters of three, discussing strategy and analysing the various skills their team members boasted, before being hustled out through a gap in the sacking screen to begin their adventure. Eventually, only Ross and I were left, standing awkwardly by the food table.

‘And finally, Ross, Lucy and… where is Declan, anyway?’ Neil asked.

‘Someone said he emailed,’ Ross said. ‘His boiler’s fucked and he’s got to wait at home for a gas engineer.’

‘Bad luck,’ Neil said. ‘Looks like you’ll be a team of two, then.’

I looked at Ross and Ross looked at me, and part of me went, Nooooo, but a bigger part went, Yesssss!

Then he grinned at me, a delighted smile full of excitement and promise, with not a trace of a blush on his face. ‘Come on then, Lucy. Let’s do this thing.’

We stepped forward, Neil parted the hessian barrier for the final time and we passed cautiously through. We were in a space designed to look like an old-fashioned library, with leather-bound books lining the walls, a desk with a green-shaded lamp on it, and a heavy Oriental rug on the floor. Everything smelled old and musty, the way second-hand bookshops do, and there was a hit of potpourri in the air. At the far end of the room was an oak-panelled door with a brass lock, but no key.

‘Right,’ Ross said. ‘So we find the key, and that gets us to the next stage. Easy, huh?’

‘Piece of cake.’ But I realised my hands were trembling. The more I looked around, the more possible hiding places I could see.

‘So where do we start?’

‘Where do people usually hide keys?’

‘My dad used to put his car keys in the dog’s bed overnight.’ A smile flashed across his face and vanished almost straight away.

‘Really? Was he vicious? The dog, not your dad, obviously.’

‘Soft as butter,’ he said. ‘Both of them. Until – but anyway, he reckoned it was the last place anyone would look if they broke in.’

I was intrigued to pursue this line of questioning further. What if a burglar gave the dog a treat to keep it quiet and spotted the keys? Did his dad still do this random, slightly mad thing? What happened after ‘until’?

But I knew if I started distracting him with questions, we’d never solve the challenge in time.

‘There’ll be clues,’ I said. ‘Let’s look at the papers on the desk.’

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