Page 93 of Not in a Million Years

I felt my eyes widen in surprise. ‘Seriously?’

‘Seriously. He said enough was enough, and he wasn’t going to stand around waiting for me to kill myself, and it was time to get a grip. And a grip’s exactly what he got – on my right elbow, if I remember correctly. He took me down to the local community centre where the meeting was happening – he’d researched it all, the sneaky bugger – and left me there. And the rest, as they say, is—’

‘But is it? Is it really? I mean, when you were in London, you were…’

‘A blip.’ He stirred the tea and fished the teabags out with a teaspoon, then turned to face me. ‘Seriously, Kate. I’m not going to lie – I can’t promise that I’ll be clean forever. But I’m clean now, and that’s the best I can do. I’ve finished the good drugs they gave me in Turkey – I’m on plain old ibuprofen now, so I don’t have that excuse any longer. So I’m just doing my best.’

‘One day at a time?’

‘That’s the badger. Now, come and sit down and tell me what the hell you’re doing here.’

I followed him through to the living room, my mind whirring. It had been Daniel who’d spurred Andy into attending Narcotics Anonymous, which had led to his longest sober and drug-free spell ever? Daniel? I’d had no idea – I’d assumed it had been some kind of epiphany Andy himself had that had led him there. But it had been Daniel, whose attitude towards Andy’s drug use I’d always assumed to be entirely laissez-faire.

I’d been wrong. It was yet another thing to add to the growing list of Shit Kate Was Wrong About.

‘It was Daniel I came to talk to you about, actually,’ I said.

‘I figured. Come on then, share it with the group.’

‘I… Andy, do you think he hates me?’

Andy guffawed – a proper belly laugh that was so unlike his normal laughter I suspected it wasn’t entirely sincere. ‘He doesn’t hate you. Quite the opposite, in fact.’

‘Really? What makes you think that?’

‘I don’t think. I know.’

‘Have you spoken to him?’

‘Not recently, no. Not about you, anyway. He’s been ringing up and checking up on me every day, like a proper mother hen. But your name hasn’t come up. It’s rather pointedly not come up.’

‘Then why…?’

‘Katie babe, I’d like to invite you to join me on a journey back in time, to the distant days of – oh, when was it? Ten years ago? Twelve? After my sojourn in that ghastly rehab place where the dining room smelled of cabbage all the time and the only thing to do when they weren’t raking over your relationship with your mother in therapy sessions was stand outside in the rain and smoke and smoke until your fingers turned sepia.’

‘It wasn’t that bad, was it?’

‘It was diabolical. It did the job though, I’ll say that for it.’

‘Until it didn’t,’ I reminded him.

‘Until it didn’t. But that’s precisely the point I wanted to draw your attention to. Remember, after you so kindly packed me off there like you were sending a load of old clothes to the Cancer Research shop—’

‘I did not!’

‘That’s how it felt at the time. Anyway, when they eventually let me out, you, me and our Daniel were quite the threesome. Remember?’

I nodded.

‘And…’ Andy took a long, audible breath. I sensed that he was about to drop the glibness and be honest, the way he sometimes did. ‘And the two of you – I could tell. You were getting on. You were vibing.’

‘I guess we were, a bit. But only because we were hanging out with you.’

‘You poor little innocent flower. You couldn’t even see it yourself. Well, I could. And let me tell you, I didn’t like it one bit.’

‘But nothing would’ve ever—’

‘It would. It one hundred per cent would. I could see it coming a mile away. And even if I hadn’t, Daniel told me.’

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