Page 89 of Not in a Million Years

I poured myself a glass of wine and ate some cheese and crackers while I drank it, then turned on the taps and sloshed scented oil into the bath, planning on a long, luxurious soak while catching up on the Girlfriends’ Club WhatsApp (bracing myself for the reaction to my decision not to take things further with Claude – You did WHAT? Are you CRAZY?). But before the bath was half full, I heard the melodious ring of my doorbell.

The trouble with having a video doorbell, I reflected, was that there was no opportunity to enjoy – or endure – those heart-stopping moments between knowing someone is out there and finding out who it is. Normally, I’d have had a few seconds of delicious or apprehensive anticipation – could it be a delivery of something fabulous I’d ordered and forgotten about? Could it be flowers from Claude, with a note begging to be given another chance? Could it be Jintao’s tenant squaring up for a proper fight? Could it – chance would be a fine thing – be Daniel?

But, thanks to the power of technology, one glance at my phone told me my visitor was Andy.

I switched off the taps and hurried to the door, flinging it and my arms open.

‘Surprise!’ he said, hugging me. ‘Look – only the one crutch. I walked up the stairs under my own steam, too, instead of using the lift.’

‘Strong work. Come in and sit down –you must be knackered after all that. Cup of tea? I’m afraid I’m out of Fanta.’

It had taken a long time to break the habit of offering Andy alcohol when he turned up unexpectedly, but I’d got used to it during the time he’d been sober, and laid in a supply of posh tea from Fortnum’s. According to him, it was not the next best thing – not even close to the best thing – but it was worth it for the satisfaction of rinsing me out of a quid per teabag if he couldn’t have booze.

But he said, ‘Come on, Katie babe. I can see you’ve got a bottle open. Don’t be a spoilsport.’

‘But aren’t you—?’

‘I haven’t touched anything stronger than my painkillers in days. Scout’s honour. And as soon as I finish taking them, I’m going to kick the booze into touch too. I’m just having a wee holiday from total sobriety. Doctor’s orders, innit?’

The pain-relief medication certainly was, but I was willing to bet no medic had said anything to Andy about a glass of Chablis being a necessary aid to his recovery.

‘Andy, you know that’s a terrible idea. Come on – I’ll make tea for us both. I’ve got a violet one you’ve never tried before – apparently it’s limited edition.’

‘You know what they say. “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” You’re a wise woman, Katie babe.’

‘Wise enough to lay money on the fact that no one ever quoted the AA serenity prayer as an excuse to have a drink.’

‘You’d lose your stake, because I just did. Come on. You don’t even have to pour it – I’ll do it myself. You’re an innocent bystander.’

He walked past me to the fridge, barely needing to use his crutch at all, opened it and took the bottle of wine from the rack in the door, pouring some into my empty glass and some into a clean one. My mouth opened to protest, but what could I do? Pour it down the sink? Chuck him out? Insist he ring his sponsor right fucking now?

Of course, I could do any or all of those things. But ultimately, they’d make no difference. Andy would make his own choices. I’d tried and failed in the past to influence him. All I could do was deal with the fallout when it happened – or choose not to deal with it.

The courage to change the things I can. The one thing I could change was my reaction to his behaviour. Quite how to change it, I wasn’t sure – but change I must, for the sake of my own sanity. I picked up both our glasses and carried them over to the coffee table.

Andy sat down with an audible grunt. ‘Those stairs took it out of me. The physio’s going great – although I have to say the girl I’ve been seeing is no Mistress Whiplash. But I still feel the old war wound when there’s damp in the air.’

‘Get you, Granddad. So to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit? You didn’t come here just to show off about how you can hobble on one crutch instead of two, and annoy me by drinking my wine.’

‘I came to say goodbye. Or rather, au revoir. I’m heading home tomorrow. I’ve officially been discharged from our Daniel’s infirmary.’

‘Really? Are you sure you’ll be all right on your own?’

‘Give over, Katie babe. I’ve lived alone for donkey’s years. I’ll be fine. They’ve offered me one of those alarm things in case I fall down the stairs and get stuck like a beetle on its back. And work want me back – I’m to be put on light duties, apparently, just phoning clients and doing admin until I can drive again.’

‘Well, that’s great news,’ I said. ‘You like your job. You’re ace at selling advertising, even if you have to do it over the phone for a bit, rather than swanning around to fancy offices in your Merc.’

‘Yeah.’ Andy sighed, gazing down into his wine glass, which was already almost empty. ‘I’ve been thinking about it. I mean, you know I’m all for late-stage capitalism. Love it to pieces. But when I was in Turkey, seeing how Ash lived, I kind of got to realise that maybe there’s more to life than making money. Other stuff that’s more important, like, you know, friends. Community. Saving the planet. Love.’

‘All those things are massively important. But you can still have them while raking in shedloads of cash.’

‘Like you do.’

Like I did – except I did far less than I should for the environment, my contribution to the community consisted of dropping off Tupperwares full of cake with Mona once or twice a week, and when it came to love – well. The less said about that the better.

‘Right now, if I were you, I’d be cutting myself some slack,’ I said. Andy had got up, shuffled over to the fridge and fetched the wine bottle, splashing more into both our glasses. I winced, but said nothing. ‘You need to focus on your health for a bit, maybe. On getting better. You’re two years off forty, Sinclair. You’re got all the time in the world to save the planet.’

‘Save myself, and let the rainforests look after themselves?’

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