Page 37 of Crave You

Leona

A Year Later

I’m excited as I head back to Warwick. I had to go home for a family wedding over the weekend. It was such a small affair I didn’t take Zan with me. It also didn’t feel appropriate to take too much time off university, so I only stayed over with my parents for two nights.

I can’t wait to see Zander. I know it’s only been a weekend, but it feels like forever, especially since I moved into Valens House with him at the start of my second year at Warwick. We haven’t had a night apart since then and it felt weird without him in the bed. We did discuss the idea of his coming home with me — he’s met my parents but not the rest of my family and I would very much like him to meet them all — but we decided such a small wedding wasn’t the right occasion for it. He’ll meet them at some point. It’s not as if there’s any massive rush.

He is expecting me back about lunchtime, but I’ve decided to surprise him and come back early. I should be back at Valens House around eight a.m. Zander will still be in bed at that time, and I plan to creep into his room, strip off, and jump right in there with him. And, if for some reason, he’s up at this hour, I will be dragging him right back to bed.

I arrive at the house and pull my car around and park it in the garage. I don’t have any classes today and I don’t plan on going anywhere, so it can stay there until tomorrow.

I fish my little overnight bag out of the boot and go into the house. A few bodies are draped over the couches and chairs in the main lounge and some people are even lying directly on the ground. It looks as if there was a party of some kind here last night. I don’t mind the parties; in fact, I quite enjoy them, but I’m glad we have the private lounge upstairs and that our quarters are off limits to random partygoers.

I run up the stairs and down the hallway to the room Zander and I share. I slow down when I am almost there. I want to surprise him. I creep to the door and push it open before sneaking in.

Something isn’t right. I can’t tell what it is at first, but as my eyes adjust to the gloomy room, I realize with horror that Zander isn’t alone. There are two people in our bed.

I take a step closer and then another one, and then I have seen everything I need to see. Zander is asleep on his back and snuggled up beside him — also asleep — is Tilly. For a second, I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to run and not ever see Zander again. Part of me wants to wake the pair of them up, scratch that bitch’s eyes out and hurt Zander the way he has hurt me. The biggest part of me wishes I had just come back at the time I had said I would. I know it’s the coward’s option, but then I would be blissfully unaware of this and happy.

A dull thud sounds beside me, and I realize it’s my overnight bag hitting the floor The sound brings me out of my stupor, and I choose option one. I back slowly out of the room, closing the door quietly behind me and then I walk back along the hallway towards the stairs. By the time I reach the stairs, the tears are coming, and I run blindly down them. I reach the bottom and make for the door.

“Oh hey, Leona,” Shawn says, coming towards me from the mess of bodies in the lounge. “What. . . oh God, are you ok?”

He’s obviously noticed that I am crying. I pull the front door open, not stopping to acknowledge him. I just don’t have the words to explain what’s happened. I’ll get Erin to tell him later that I’m sorry for being rude.

I run down the garden path. I don’t stop to go back for my car, and I don’t stop when Shawn calls out after me. I just keep running. I honestly don’t know how I don’t trip over and smack my face on the pavement because I can’t see a thing for tears and mascara.

After a block or two I slow to a walk and pull a tissue out of my pocket. I blow my nose and then fold the tissue over and wipe away the mess from beneath my eyes. I don’t suppose it’s made a huge difference, but hopefully I am no longer advertising to anyone walking past that I have been crying.

I hear a car behind me, and it slows down and the window goes down. I don’t even look over. I feel as if I have been here a hundred times already. I have nothing to say to Zander and I certainly don’t want to listen to whatever excuse he comes up with.

“Fuck off and leave me alone,” I snarl.

“Sorry. I just thought you looked kind of upset,” a voice says. A voice that isn’t Zander’s. I look into the car and see Matthew at the wheel.

“God, I’m sorry,” I say. “I thought . . . Never mind what I thought. Just sorry.”

“Don’t worry,” Matthew says. “Get in and I’ll drop you off wherever you are going.”

“It’s OK,” I say. “It’s not far.”

“Then it won’t take me long, will it,” Matthew says with a hint of a laugh.

Fuck it. It’ll be easier to accept the lift than to argue with him.

“Thanks,” I say.

I get in the car, and I realize that I’m heading for the house I once shared with Erin. She lives with a new girl now. However, I’m sure that after I tell her what’s happened, she won’t mind me sleeping on the couch for a couple of days until I get sorted. She’s still my best friend. I tell him we are going to Erin’s and he nods and pulls back onto the road.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Matthew asks.

“I’d rather not,” I say.

“Fair enough. Let’s have some music then, huh?”

He fiddles about on the dashboard for a moment and then the sound of a poppy beat fills the car and I feel better that we’re no longer sitting in awkward silence. I look out of the window, doing my best not to let any more tears come.

We are almost at Erin’s place, when Matthew misses a turn.

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