Page 64 of With a Grain of Salt

A beat of silence forms between us, and I consider how Jason would react to seeing us here now. He somehow knew I had a thing for Claire from the moment she showed up in town. He also knew I could do nothing about it although I know he would’ve supported me if I had given in before he died.

“I don’t want to talk about Jason,” I whisper.

She nods her head in understanding and gives me a weak smile. But the levity of the conversation we were having is gone in the blink of an eye and I don’t know that we will ever be able to get it back.

Chapter 28

Claire

The way he shut down after mentioning Jason makes me feel like a complete asshole, and not because it makes him sad. I brought up his brother because I knew it would make him shut down.

I don't want to entertain this idea of us dating. I don't have the time or energy to put anything into anyone. As fun as things have been with him, I know it will all end. He'll get tired of me working all the time and being stubborn. He won't be able to wrap his head around the idea that I'm in a mess not of my own doing, but I own it. He'll want to help and will only grow increasingly annoyed when I won't let him run to my rescue.

We can flirt and be friends or acquaintances now, but if it goes on the way he wants it to, we'll end up wanting to cross the street when we see the other person walking toward us. It's inevitable, the bitterness and hatred that will soon follow.

Honestly, I'd rather have everything come to a head now and us part ways if that's how it's going to be. I already feel a certain level of impressiveness, and the man just grabbed takeout from The Brew and Chew. I'm not that easy to impress these days, if I ever was in the first place, and that will end up with me feeling all the things which will really suck when it's over. I know better than to think I could have more out of life than the shitty hands I've been dealt, even if there's the urge inside of me to ride the ride until I get bucked off.

Loneliness is better than having and losing as far as I'm concerned.

"Do you not like those chips?" he asks, pointing to my plate.

"No," I tell him because it's easier than explaining the truth.

"Do you mind?" he asks, reaching for them when I shake my head.

He tosses a few in his mouth, chewing before speaking again.

"What's your favorite flavor of chip?"

I pull in a deep breath, hating the way he simply smiles at my growing frustration.

"The truth?"

He nods. "Always the truth."

I swallow down all the hateful things that come to mind. It's not this man's fault that my life is so hard, and taking my frustrations out on him serves no purpose. It doesn't even make me feel good when I get angry at him. If anything, it makes me feel worse.

"The truth is that I love chips. All chips," I say, huffing a humorless laugh when he stops mid-reach for another handful of chips off my plate. "But I can't eat all my favorite things because I'll gain weight. Since I don't have time for the gym and men are assholes that don't tip for good service but rather tip based on the percentage they think I might be interested in them, I have to watch my weight."

He's silent as he lifts his paper napkin to his mouth.

"I tip for good service," he says.

"You stare at my ass every time I walk away."

"You can't possibly know that.”

"Eyes in the back of your head are handed out to every woman when she becomes responsible for children."

His smile is quick and wide. "My mom used to say the same thing. You can't blame me for looking at your ass. It's incredible. "

"Thank you, but it wouldn't be if I ate all the things I wanted to eat."

"You can come to the gym with me if you want. I have free passes saved up for a year, and it wouldn't cost you anything."

"Sweet baby Jesus," I mutter and drop my head into my hands. " Just when I think you're actually paying attention to me."

"That's not fair," he says. "I do pay attention to you."

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