Dad gaped at her, then turned his furious gaze to me.
Mom kissed my cheek and whispered into my ear. “Go, baby.”
I mouthed thank you before taking a step toward the door.
“I could have protected you,” Dad said in a harsh whisper, stepping away from the door but standing in my path. “If you walk out, Carter, you’ll never be able to come back to me.”
I looked into his eyes and discovered that all the love I’d once had for the man I thought I knew was gone. It had been misplaced. “What you did to us all makes this the easiest choice I ever had to make.”
“You’ll regret it,” Dana warned me.
“And he can come to my house whenever he damn pleases, Dana,” Mom squeezed through clenched teeth.
With another glance over my shoulder, I blinked at Mom, hoping she understood my gratitude. It was impossible to put it into words. And it was impossible to wait with this feeling rocking my chest. I reached for the door and stepped out into the pouring rain.
Nate was a few paces away from the door, cold rain pelting his head and shoulders, hands in the pockets of his coat, eyebrows knitted to protect his eyes from the trickling raindrops. “You got out,” he said over the faraway rumble of thunder and the murmur of rain on the ground.
The light above the front door suddenly went out, and I laughed out loud. That was my father’s consolation prize, turning the lights off as if Nate’s heart wasn’t a glowing beacon, a lighthouse in stormy waters guiding my way.
Even Nate’s lips stretched into a little smile at that.
I took a couple of steps toward him, pausing before we were too close. The crack that had split my heart seemed to tear wider now that I faced him. The pain felt fresher, the disappointment more bitter. I looked at him and decided this couldn’t be easy for either of us. Not if it was real. So I grabbed my feelings with all my strength, and I shoved them deep into the abyss where my soul had once been. I would find them later if I had any need for them.
“You hurt me,” I said bluntly over the rain, glad that my face was already wet so he couldn’t see the tears when they rolled down my cheeks.
Nate pulled his hands out of his pockets. He spread his arms bravely as if he was getting ready for a firing squad. “I did.”
“Why?” I demanded, the embers in me fanned by my desire to hear the right answer, kindling and growing into flames. “Why did you do it?”
Nate stepped closer, but I didn’t move. “Quite simply, because I’m a fool, Carter.”
“I know that.” You are my fool, Nate. You were always supposed to be my fool.
“I thought I was protecting you,” he said loudly as the wind sent chills into my bones and a stronger wave of rain came down on us. “I thought that keeping you safe was more important. I thought…” He shook his head, aware that he was inexcusable. “I thought the choice was mine.”
Good, I thought but pressed the lid on my feelings harder. They battered against it like furies from hell, wanting to get out at any cost, wanting to go to him. “And now?”
Nate took the last step toward me and looked into my eyes. The heartbroken expression on his face convinced me that he could tell the difference between rain and tears on my cheeks. “And now I want you to forgive me, Carter. I came to beg if that’s what you want. I know…I know you don’t have a reason to trust anything I say. I would swear on your roller skates and your guitar’s rainbow strap and on every kiss you gave me that made me feel like life was worth living, but that won’t erase what I did.”
It will do something better, I thought eagerly. It will break the bonds I put around my love for you.
His arms moved toward me, but he didn’t touch me. Not yet. I could see the effort with which he was holding back. “The truth is really simple, Carter. I love you. I love you so much that it scares me. And to think that loving you could cause harm to you is worse than death.”
Had my heart not already felt whole for the fact that he knew the worth of my roller skates, these words would have healed me. But now, they only made my chest rise higher and my heart lift with it. “You love me?” I asked, my voice barely louder than the lashing storm.
“I do, baby. With all my heart. With every fiber of my being. I love you.” He bit his lip hard, and I realized he was crying, too, concealing his sobs as if he were shivering with the cold. “I should have let you make the call. I should have let you choose whether you wanted to risk the torture of being exposed. And if you come with me, I will never play the adult. I promise, baby. God knows I barely keep my shit together. But you make me a better person. You know you do.”
I realized I had been holding my breath since asking the question. Now, as happiness welled in me like a river that was about to break the dam, I grinned and shuddered with the effort not to shout. “I love you too.” The words came out even if my voice was shaky with excitement. “I love you, Nate.”
His eyes widened as though this was the least likely thing he would hear. But when his hands rose and closed around my face, his kiss was determined and steady. For all the storms that thundered through our lives, his more than mine, Nate Partridge was still the anchor that kept me safe and sound. He was the monolith I had fallen in love with and who somehow, miraculously, loved me back.
I rose onto the tips of my toes to kiss him back. All the love I had bottled down and trapped was now soaring out of me, warming up everything in its path. It rose wildly from my chest, traveled to my lips, and poured into him. He was mine in all the ways: my soul, my life, my love. He was here, taking me away, taking a chance on us.
I kissed him hot enough that our bodies no longer shivered in the cold, but Nate still pulled his head back and looked into his eyes. “Carter,” he said excitedly. “You’re making me so happy, Carter.”
Chills ran through me despite the fact that this feeling heated my body.
“Shit,” Nate blurted as if he only just realized we were outside in pouring rain. “Come inside the car. Hurry.” And he grabbed my hand, leading me away. It never crossed his mind to ask if I wanted to return inside either to say something or take something with me. And it didn’t occur to me that I might until we were inside his fancy, comfortable, heated car, shuddering and waiting to warm up a little.