Page 17 of Coaching Prince Charming

I found the control over my limbs somewhere deep in my mind, grabbed Carter’s wrists, and yanked his hands off my torso. Instantly, I lifted my head out of his reach and looked at the star-specked sky. Something burned my eyes like they were sprayed with acid. “Don’t,” I growled.

A whimper tore free from his throat as he leaped back from me. “I’m so sorry,” he blurted. “Fuck, Nate, I’m so sorry.”

I kept my gaze on the sky. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not. Oh my God. I fucked up. I fucked up so hard.” He was having a panic attack, and I was incapable of meeting his eyes.

It hurt too much. The thing he’d made me do felt like ripping my heart out of my chest and throwing it against the paved street. Finally, I forced myself to look at him. “Nothing happened,” I told him decisively. “Listen to me, Carter. Nothing happened. You did nothing.”

Tears brimmed in his eyes, but he pursed his lips and frowned, meeting my gaze squarely. He nodded once fiercely and opened his mouth.

I cut him off. “Everything is fine,” I said. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

He nodded once again. I realized he was stiff to keep the shaking at bay. His hands trembled, and he balled them into fists. “I should…probably…go home.”

“If that is what you want,” I said, relieved.

He nodded hastily, taking another step back.

Finally, I allowed myself to look around, relieved that nobody was in sight. “Carter,” I said, my voice carrying a command for him to wait.

He looked at my feet and no higher, his lips pressed into a tight line.

“Don’t think about it too much,” I advised him carefully. “We don’t have a problem.”

“Sure,” he whispered. “Thanks.” Before I could say anything, he turned away from me and hurried down the street.

I stood still for a while longer, then dragged myself after him until I reached the intersection that led me to the garage and my car. I drove home while my ears rang like mad and my heart pounded like I was about to collapse and die. Part of me wished it was the case.

It wasn’t until I was inside my apartment, sitting with a plain whiskey on ice in my hand, that I allowed myself to think about it. The blazing heat of his lips on mine, the slight wetness of his saliva, and the whimper he produced when I pushed him away. They were more than enough to set fire to my stomach and my groin. These things, combined with the air of lightness he carried wherever he went and those sweet smiles he had for everyone, tugged at my heart.

What did I do to lead him on? I wondered. Walking back through the evening, I examined all my words carefully, as far as I could remember them, and I couldn’t find anything that had encouraged him. But you never discouraged him, either, that critical voice whispered to me.

I didn’t know, I replied to myself harshly. I would have if I’d known.

But I wondered how true that was. In the stillness and deathly silence of my apartment, I allowed myself to take a deep breath of air and hold it, thinking through all the interactions I had shared with Carter.

No. I had never allowed myself to admit that Carter was attractive. I had never allowed myself to look at him. The entire idea was too terrible to consider. He was a student at the place I worked. And Dana…

Fear gripped me out of nowhere. All those things were bad enough, but the worst of all was knowing I was far too old for him. But to admit that fully and to be honest with myself, I also had to admit that a single kiss from him had made me feel more alive than I’d been since the start of my career when the world was a place full of opportunity, and I was a young man full of hope.

I had to admit that it was a delicious kiss so full of passion despite all the wrongness that had caused it. Despite all the sorrow that surrounded it.

Oh, Carter, I thought sadly, sipping my whiskey. If I were fifteen years younger…

I stopped that train of thought immediately. That wasn’t leading me anywhere productive. I would only end up hurting more, and I would still have just as many choices laid out before me. Keep him away. That was all I could do.

And as I set my mind to it, it felt like I was slapping him across his face. It felt like I was stabbing us both in the heart.

My reasons were good enough to swear never to give him another idea like this, but that didn’t make it any easier. Not when he was willing to risk everything for a doomed kiss. And not when it was the only good thing that had happened to me in years.

SIX

Carter

My hands trembled all the way back to the team house. It was thankfully empty when I shut the front door and flicked the light switch to my right. The room lit up, and I marched around the large kitchen island to the sink, pouring myself a glass of water and nearly choking on it. A sob burst from me mid-gulp, and I set the glass on the counter.

After a coughing fit, I wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole. How would I ever show my face at the rink again? Or look at Beckett in this house? Or wake up with that stupid hope that Nate Partridge might notice me someday as more than what I was in his eyes.

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