Page 91 of Fire in You

And kind of impressive.

A tiny, hidden part of me was kind of proud. Knowing what I did in there made me feel empowered—sexy. I hadn’t felt sexy in like, well, forever, it felt like.

But it was Brock’s influence. He just had that magnetism that had made a score of really smart women willingly do really bad and not so smart things. What if someone had walked into his office? What if it had been Paul? He already had about a pinky’s worth of respect for me.

I was going to blame Brock for my behavior.

As I packed Tuesday night for the trip home, I was a little nervous. It wasn’t that long of a drive. A little over three hours, so the chances of Rhage doing something horrific to Brock’s Porsche were slim. At least, I hoped, but I was more worried about how my family would perceive what was going on between Brock and me. Us riding up together already had to have the whole group gossiping like a bunch of old women.

Mainly because we hadn’t labeled what we were, even though Brock obviously had plans for us in the future—plans that involved catsup bottle festivals.

So I figured we’d play it cool. Like we were friends and nothing more at this point. Maybe I’d tell my mom we were dating. That didn’t sound too serious. I just didn’t want them to think we were together,togetherin case everything spectacularly blew up in our faces.

Like I couldn’t help but expect it to.

I hated that part of me, but that didn’t change the fact that part existed nor erased the shadow of unease that warned me that what was happening between us wasn’t real.

* * *

Brock arrived early Wednesday morning, a baseball cap pulled down low, shielding his face as he stepped into my apartment carrying a bag of fresh doughnuts and coffee.

“You’re amazing,” I told him, still half-asleep as I snatched the bag out of his hand.

“That I know.”

Peeling open the carton, I practically moaned at the sugary goodness that awaited me.

“Since I’m amazing, I should get a kiss.” He reached up, turning his hat so it was on backward. “Don’t you think?”

I thought that maybe he didn’t need a reason for a kiss. Tipping my head up, I waited but he stopped short. I opened my eyes.

“Smile for me.”

I bit down on my lip. “Brock.”

“Come on,” he coaxed, grinning. “I brought you coffee and doughnuts. I get a smile and a kiss.” When I didn’t move, he placed his hands on my shoulders and squeezed gently. “Smile, Jilly.”

Rolling my eyes, I didn’t know why it was such a big deal for me, because I knew he’d seen my smile over the last couple of days. However, I hadn’t really been thinking in those moments.

I could do this.

I could smile for him.

I mean, the guy had seen my vagina all up close and personal, so I really couldn’t be embarrassed over my wonky smile. But I couldn’t help but remember the girl who sat next to me in World History after I returned to school. She’d asked if I had a stroke. The question hadn’t been malicious. She hadn’t blurted it out. It seemed like it had been building in her for weeks to ask. She’d even followed it up by relating to how her grandfather smiled after he suffered a stroke. I also couldn’t help but remember how Ben had never asked me to smile for him.

But Brock wasn’t the girl in my history class and he sure as hell wasn’t Ben, so I did it.

I could feel the right side of my lips curve up while my left side simply twitched and did nothing.

Brock’s gaze swept over my face and settled on my mouth as he slid one hand up, around my neck. His thumb massaged the space just below my pulse.

“I think there’s something you need to understand,” he said, his gaze flicking to mine. “Your smile was beautiful before. Could light up a fucking room and could bring a smile to my face seconds before I stepped into the Octagon. Your smile is different now, but even more beautiful now.”

“Come on,” I said wryly, starting to pull free. My smile didn’t make me an ogre, but it wasn’t beautiful.

“It’s true.” He kept me in place with just a hand at my neck. “You know why? It proves what you’ve been through and what you’ve survived. That smile is a fucking miracle. Just like every breath you take is. That smile is nothing to ever be ashamed of. It’s a smile to be fucking proud of.”

Oh wow.

---