Page 138 of Stay with Me

Jax straightened.

I stared at him for a moment and then looked away. “I know a lot of stress has to be on him from the bar and her being gone. Hell, a lot of stress is on you! You’ve been running the bar for her and for what? Tips and minimum wage?”

A strange look pinched his features as he rubbed a hand along his stubbled jaw.

“I almost got kidnapped last night because of her and Clyde was out there. He doesn’t need this kind of stress. Look at what it’s done to him?” I stopped, unfolding my arms and squeezing my hands into fists. The anger turned into venom in my blood as I said, “I hate her.”

Jax blinked. “Babe ...”

My breath caught. “I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. Look at what she’s done to everyone. And for what? I know her life has been hard, because I lived it! I was right there with her, Jax! I lived it, too, but I—”

“We probably wouldn’t be where we are today. You know that, right?” he said quietly. “She gave us that.”

She gave us that.

I clamped my mouth shut, shoulders tight. I stared into his eyes and then I looked away. The burn in my chest ached. And then as quickly as the poisonous bite had entered my veins, it eased away and I whispered, “Yeah, she gave us that.”

“You don’t hate her.”

My eyes closed against the rush of frustrated tears. “I know.”

The truth was that sometimes I wanted to hate her, because then I wouldn’t care about what was happening to her and what she’d done to her life. I wouldn’t worry about what the drugs were doing to her. I wouldn’t care if she had a roof over her head or clean clothes on her back. I wouldn’t care, and damnit, caringhurt.

As raw emotion that had been there long before today, this week, or even this year started to swell inside me, I started pacing again to burn it off. I focused on something else. “Why did they call you?”

“I’m his emergency contact, I guess.”

Meaning I wasn’t. I wasn’t the contact for a man who’d virtually helped raise me. It was stupid to feel guilty about not being Clyde’s emergency contact, but I knew that if I’d been around more, I would’ve been in the position to be contacted. It terrified me knowing that this could’ve happened and no one would’ve notified me.

And it hit me with the force of a speeding semitruck.

I’d been doing this wrong. My life. Completely wrong, because it had been my choices that led to me leaving this town and it had been my choices that had practically ended a relationship with a man who’d been the only good role model in my whole freaking life. I still could’ve kept in touch. I still could’ve come around.Fuck. Maybe if I had, Mom would’ve found it harder to wipe me out. Who knew? But I had run at the first chance I got, and I knew Clyde didn’t blame me for it, but still. I’d told myself that I hated the bar, but my happiest memories had been there. I lied to myself. A lot.

If I wore a map of courage, bravery, and strength on my back, I sure as hell hadn’t behaved that way in a long time. Not since Mom took my money and I met Jax.

My knees went weak, and I had no idea how I didn’t plant my ass on the floor. “Oh my God.”

Jax glanced at me. “Honey, he’s going to be okay.”

“If I hadn’t come back here this summer and if he still had a heart attack, I wouldn’t have known.” I stopped in front of him. “Jax, I would’ve never known, and what if he dies? What if this would’ve been my last chance to see him?”

His features tensed and then he snagged an arm around my waist and pulled me into his lap. His other hand cupped my cheek. “Honey, if something happened to Clyde I would’ve gotten in contact with you.”

Fresh tears rose. “But how? You didn’t know me or really how to find me. You knew of me, but that’s different.”

That look crossed his face again, but his hand slid around the nape of my neck and he guided my cheek to his chest. “I would’ve found you, honey, but you’re here and that’s all that matters.”

Snuggling deep, I wrapped my arms around him loosely and did something I hadn’t done in years. I prayed, seriously prayed that Clyde would be okay. And I kind of felt like a poser for praying, but I did it.

I stayed there until the door opened and I pulled away, expecting to see the doctor, but it was Reece who walked in, wearing his uniform. He was on duty. I tensed up, and he must’ve seen the look on my face and immediately reassured me. “I heard about Clyde. Just wanted to check in.”

“He’s in surgery,” I told him. “I don’t know anything else.”

“Known Clyde for a couple of years,” Reece said after he sat in the seat next to us. “He’s a strong man. He’ll pull through.”

I took an unsteady breath and Jax ran his hand up my spine. “Thank you.”

Reece didn’t say much, but he sat like he planned on staying for a while, and that left me warm and fuzzy. When the door opened again some ten minutes later, I saw Teresa coming through the door, followed by my friends, and my heart clenched.

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