Page 81 of Stay with Me

Okay. That wasn’t a lot, but that was something.

“Sometimes?” he prodded gently.

I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth and then closed my eyes. “Sometimes it was fun. I was a little girl and I liked dressing up. I felt like a fairy princess.” I coughed out a dry laugh. “So it was like playing dress-up every week and it made ... it made my mom happy when I had my hair done and all the makeup on and I was onstage. And it made her really happy when I’d win, especially the big titles.”

“What kind of titles?” he asked into darkness.

“Grand Supreme is one.” I had to open my eyes, because I could see myself on the stage, turning and blowing kisses and folding my hands under my chin. “When Mom was happy it was like she loved me. I know she loved me, but it was like she really loved me then.” I wiggled my hips again, trying to find a spot without flopping onto my back. “But there were times when I wanted to be ... I don’t know, just be a kid. I wanted to play, but I had to practice walking, or I wanted to hang out with my dad, but he didn’t like going to those things, and sometimes I wanted to spend time with ...” I trailed off, closing my mouth.

“Spend what?”

Sometimes I wanted to be at home, spending time chasing after Kevin. He was older than me—the big brother—and when I was home, I was his shadow. And I also liked being with Tommy, because he was so small and so cute, like a real baby doll I’d played with.

But I didn’t say that, because it had been years since I’d spoken their names out loud, and it had been years since someone else said their names, up until Clyde had over the weekend.

“It was okay,” I said, hurrying on. “It’s not something I think I’d ever do if I had a child.”

“Me neither. I think it causes little girls to focus on the wrong thing—everything being about looks. So that’s something we agree on.”

“Yeah,” I whispered, feeling my belly tighten. It was different lying in bed with Jax and talking about what we agreed on when it came to child rearing.

“What was something you liked doing as a kid that didn’t involve the beauty queen shit?” he asked.

My heart squeezed because I couldn’t answer truthfully. My favorite thing had been hanging with Kevin. I went with the next-best thing. “Playing basketball.”

“Basketball?” The surprise was evident in his voice.

“Yeah, what about you?”

There was no hesitation. None whatsoever. “Pretending like my little sister got on my every damn nerve when in reality I loved when she followed me around, because with her, we were always getting into something.”

My breath caught, and I didn’t know what to be more affected by—the fact that he had a sister or the fact that his relationship with his sister sounded a lot like Kevin and my relationship or what itcould’vebeen. “You have a sister?” I asked after a few moments.

“Had.”

A heaviness settled in my chest and not that good kind. “Had?”

“Had,” he repeated.

Oh no. I squeezed my eyes. “She’s not with ... us anymore?”

“No.”

I rolled onto my back. I didn’t even stop to think about it, and when I turned my head, Jax’s face was inches from mine. “What happened?”

His gaze was on mine. “When she was sixteen, she was in a car accident with her boyfriend. He was speeding and the truck he was driving rolled over. He was killed in the accident and my sis ... well, she broke her leg and collarbone. So she was in a lot of pain after the accident and not just physical.”

Oh, I had a bad feeling to where this was heading.

A small, sad smile appeared on his full lips. “Jena ... she was such a cool kid, had bigger balls than most guys I knew. Would ski and BASE jump and skydive, and was constantly giving our parents heart attacks, but after the accident, she changed.”

“How?” I whispered, but the bitter taste in the back of my mouth told me I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.

Because I was staring at his face, I didn’t see his hand move in the small, dark space between us, but I felt the sweep of his thumb across my lower lip, all the way to the tips of my fingers and toes. “She was given a lot of prescriptions for pain. It started off legit, but she got addicted. I think being high helped her not deal with her grief, you know?”

Oh God, did I ever know. I stared at him, unblinking and whispered, “Yes.”

“The docs eventually cut her off, but she was hooked. She didn’t want to deal, so she moved on to other things—heroin and OxyContin.” His thumb glided over my lower lip again, causing me to shiver. “My parents tried to get her help, but there was no stopping what was coming. I was in boot camp when our mom found her in her bedroom. She’d overdosed. Died sometime during the night.” He drew in a deep breath. “For the longest time, I blamed myself.”

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