Page 38 of A Hidden Past

Near the end, I find what I’m looking for. My eyes widen when I read the secrets she puts down about both Clara and Julian. Clara’s are pretty mundane. She’s a junkie and an alcoholic and has been since as long as Lila can remember. She’s also cheated on Julian with numerous men. Pretty standard stuff based on what I’ve seen of the neighborhood so far.

But Julian’s secrets are a different kind entirely. Some of the stuff in here is like mob business. People disappearing, money coming out of nowhere, stone faced men with dark sunglasses showing up and staying for hours.

It’s not enough to convict them, but it should be enough to get the police to look. If they care to look, anyway.

The last entry of the dialogue is the worst. Not because of what it says about Lila’s parents, though. In fact, it doesn’t mention them at all.

Met a guy today. Nate. He was cleaning the pool, and I left the window open so he’d see me in my underwear. I know, I know, I’m such a tease! Whatever. He was cute. Omg, you should have seen how nervous he was when I told him I caught him. He thought I was going to get him fired! So funny.

I think I’ll call him tomorrow. I got his number from Mom’s phone. Maybe I’ll see if I can get him alone and let him see me out of my underwear. Oh, whatever, diary. He’s cute, and he’s nice, and most guys are only one of the two. Besides, maybe if he likes me, I won’t need to pop pills to feel good anymore.

Anyway, here’s hoping. Night, diary. Love you XXOOXO.

A tear falls on the last line and smears the last X and O. It takes me a moment to realize it came from my eyes.

Just a girl. Just a poor girl who was trying to hold on in a world that doesn’t give a shit. And they took that from her.

I put the diary in my jacket and zip it up. Then I leave the way I came.

As I walk back to the van, my tears dry and my jaw hardens.

I’m going to get justice for you, Lila. I’m going to get these assholes back for what they did. I promise.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

I’m walking down a sidewalk at night. Not in Autumn Downs, but in Encino. I’m in the old neighborhood where I used to live. I’m holding hands with Lila, and we’re talking and laughing. I don’t know what we’re talking about, but it doesn’t matter. I’m with her, and it feels good to be with her.

She’s wearing tight jeans and sneakers and a long-sleeved striped hoodie. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail. She shivers, and I put my arm around her shoulders. She leans against me, and I feel warm and happy.

She looks up at me and smiles. It’s a good smile. It’s not a sexual smile, and it’s not a sad smile. It’s just a smile. She’s just happy to be with me.

I smile back and kiss her. Her lips are soft and cool. When I pull away, she wraps her arms around me and hugs me tightly.

We walk to a park, and I see a woman waiting for me on a bench. I don’t want to see her, but I start walking toward her. I don’t know why I do, but I can’t stop myself.

Lila tries to stop me. She grabs my arm and pulls me back, looking pleadingly at me. I know I should listen to her. I want to listen to her.

But I can’t. Something about that woman on the bench draws me, and I can’t pull away. I pull free of Lila’s grasp and ignore her cries of warning.

The woman on the bench lifts her head, and I see that it’s Vivian. She smiles at me and stands, opening her trench coat to reveal her naked body.

The scene shifts, and I’m in bed with Vivian. She’s moaning beneath me and moving her body deliciously under mine. I feel desperation and ecstasy course through my body meanwhile panic and revulsion course through my mind.

I don’t want this. Why don’t I want this? When I’m awake, I want her so badly I can barely breathe. Why don’t I want this now?

Vivian’s movements quicken. Her hand lifts to grip my shoulder. She bucks her hips, opens her mouth and cries out, “Annie!”

And instantly, I'm in the street in front of my old house again. Mom is on the ground, cradling Annie's body in her arms. She's weeping.

Annie turns to look at me, but it's not Annie. It's Lila. She looks at me, and her eyes are filmy and gray with death.

“They killed me,” she says. “You need to stop them, Nate. You need to stop them before they get away with it.”

***

I wake up with a cry and start shivering almost instantly. My breath comes in rapid gulps, and my hands start to tremble. The shakes get bad enough that I curl up into a ball and hug myself, teeth clicking from a cold that no heatwave can cut through.

Damn it, I need to use.

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