Page 95 of When Hearts Collide

Her forehead pinches. “Maxwell? Won’t he want you to be loved as well?”

Closing my eyes, I swallow the breath trapped in my throat. “He will. He’s selfless that way.”

I sigh. “The men in our family aren’t lucky in love, especially the eldest male heir.” I can’t tell her about the curse or about the family trust. Not yet anyway. It’s a heavily guarded secret in our family.

“Maxwell is older than me by seven minutes and he has experienced more tragedy in his life than he deserves. Because of his role in the family, he has trapped himself in our palatial estate, hiding himself from the world, protecting what’s left of his heart. But you see,” my eyes flicker open and I grab her hand, “he saved my life. Do you see the scar on my eyebrow?”

She nods, her fingers gently touching the faint slash above my eye.

“It was a horrible hunting accident. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even be here. And because of fate, or whatever you want to call it, my brother spends his time hiding from everyone.”

Millie’s eyes soften with empathy, and she cradles my cheek in her palm. I lean into her healing touch and whisper, “He’ll never find love, nor does he want to. His nature won’t let him shoulder the public burdens of the family. If I don’t do it, he’ll need to step into my shoes. But isn’t it cruel to ask him to give up solace, the one thing he has and can control, so I can go after my selfish desires?”

I tell her about the hunting accident and how Maxwell, without a second thought, threw himself on top of me, how he barely survived the boar attack. I mention how he also lost someone he loved dearly, besides our mom.

“But Ryland…you don’t need to atone for sins you didn’t commit. He won’t want you to.” She releases a shaky exhale, her eyes brimming with tears. “Don’t be your worst enemy.”

Tears for me, the selfish monster.

Her warmth wraps around my bleeding chest, stemming the flow of blood from a wound that has never healed. The bandage may be temporary, but I relish every second of her healing touch.

Perhaps she is right, and the devil inside me is myself. But he has my life clenched within his hands, his talons digging, choking, and I can’t seem to escape from his clutches.

Chapter 37

His expression is gutted. The devastation in those slate-colored eyes lashes me to the core. His battle is mental, this guilt consuming him, locking him in the prison of his mind. And while I’m grateful he’s finally letting me in, I sense more secrets hidden away in those soulful eyes.

“Ryland, I’ll be here with you every step of the way. We can do everything at your speed, your own time. And maybe someday, you can let your family know. There have to be other options. It isn’t black and white, all or nothing—”

“No.”

His grip on my hand tightens. His jaw clenches. I flinch at the sudden chill on his face, completely at odds with the swirling heat of the bath waters.

His face softens. “No,” he repeats. “Millie, you and I…we can never be together. Your dreams are far greater than what I can offer you. You deserve to travel the world and teach, help others as you’ve always wanted to.”

“I can do all that and still be with you—”

“No, you can’t. Don’t you see? The women in our family are trapped with us. Once they’re involved with an Anderson, their dreams and lives before cease to exist. It almost killed my mom before she died from the accident. This is,” he pauses, his eyes conflicted, “the tradition. Over four hundred years of impeccable reputation, our business managed only by people within the family. You’ll never be able to change me, Millie. I have my role in my family, one that was decided for me before I was born. It’s my cross to bear. I won’t have you shoulder my burdens with me.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. I don’t understand.”

He lets out a ragged sigh. “Maybe someday I can tell you everything. Then you’ll understand. But I know I can’t give you the forever you deserve, Millie. I just…can’t.”

He presses a kiss on the tip of my nose, his eyes red and clouded with moisture. “I’ve felt the burdens of being an Anderson. Seen the sacrifices up close. Mom, when she was alive, loved us with all her heart. But I’d see how sad she was whenever she talked about her hopes and dreams when she was younger.”

“Ryland, I’m not your mom. I can still be me while being with you. It’s not all or nothing.”

I clutch his arm, imploring him to understand. Taking a deep breath, I tamp down the frustration ramping up inside me. I feel like I’m staring at a complicated puzzle and missing one last piece. But he’s opening up to me and I recognize this is hard for him.

Ryland shakes his head. “You know, I’m sure she felt the same way as you at one point. She wanted to do so much, to be a professor, but she couldn’t once she became the woman behind my dad. Then, the sadness in her voice when she talked about him, her husband who was working more than he should, was not home often enough. She was trapped. I know it now as an adult.”

Ryland swallows, his voice hoarse. “You deserve to be free. You’re young, your future is endless. You have an abundance of light to share with the world. Don’t snuff it out by being with me. Trust me, there are things I haven’t told you, but I know I can’t be with you in a way you deserve.”

Anger churns through my veins and I push at his chest. “You don’t get to decide for me! If you have feelings for me, which you clearly do, and I have the same for you, we deserve a chance.”

“I won’t be able to stand it if one day you’re tired of being chained. Please don’t ask this of me.” His fingers tremble as he swipes a tear sliding over my cheek.

“Even without everything else, we aren’t supposed to be doing this. I’m your ethics professor,” he scoffs, his voice dripping with derision at himself. “If we get caught, your future will be ruined. And so will my family’s reputation. I can’t be the one to cause the downfall of the Anderson name.”

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