Page 49 of When Hearts Collide

“Excuses,” he angrily spits out, “Excuses, all of it. I’ve heard everything I need to hear. Now get out of my office!”

His command shatters the rest of my heart and pulverizes the fragments to pieces. I’m gone from his eyes, his soulful, cold eyes. Instead of the intense passion I usually see in those swirling charcoal pools, I now only see revulsion reflected in them.

I swallow the lump in my throat and choke on my sadness. My face and nose are a mess of tears, but I don’t care. It doesn’t matter anymore.

“I’m sorry, Professor,” I whisper. “I’m so, so sorry.”

I leave the room, feeling his wrath singeing my back, and know that life will never, ever be the same again.

He left without notice.

Johnny, the TA, announced to class this morning he’d be taking over the lectures for the last month of the calendar year with the dean of the business school supervising. Apparently, Professor Anderson had to take care of urgent business back in New York.

“Thank you so much, Millie,” Jocelyn whispers as she pulls me into a hug after a home-cooked meal. She said it was the least she could do to thank me for doing something she knew violated my morals for her.

“I’m going to be fine because of you. Even though I did well on the exam, I was still a little shy of passing the class. However, Professor Anderson sent me an email with extra credit before he left. It was a simple exercise, something anyone could do. Between that and the grade on the test, I’ll skate by…just barely. It wouldn’t have happened without you, Millie!”

She hugs me tightly before traipsing back to the kitchen and turning on the faucet. I hear her humming happily under her breath and the dishes clinking in the sink.

Ryland didn’t end up reporting me or Jocelyn, much to my surprise. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at that. My dreams are still intact and I can still graduate. But of course, this means I’m not getting the recommendation from him and will need to get one from my other professors.

I stare at her, the shadow of the little girl inside me, the ghost of the woman who’s still in hiding today, and my heart twists inside my chest.

A bittersweet pain.

I did the right thing. It’s unethical, but the right thing, nonetheless.

But we’re over. Irrevocably so. But then again, we never started, did we?

It was a tragedy written in the storm to begin with. An anomaly. And now, it’s gone.

There’s a new chasm in my chest, one I’m not sure I’ll ever fill.

Later that night, I sit in front of my desk and take out a piece of paper. With a heavy heart, I write another letter to Mom, the woman I know would love me unconditionally, the woman who’d wrap me in her arms right now and comfort me if she were still here.

I sniffle, moisture misting my eyes, and begin.

Dear Mom,

The thing you never told me and I never realized until now is…whirlwinds, by definition, aren’t permanent. And when they leave, they leave a sea of debris and devastation in their wake.

He left, Mom. I betrayed him. It was for the greater good, but it was still considered cheating. It was something he hated, and I did it anyway.

Is it possible to truly fall in love and be in a relationship without the other person acknowledging it? Why does this feel like a breakup when nothing has ever happened between us? Why does my heart hurt so much, the pain waking me up in the middle of the night?

I wish you were here with me. You’d tell me what to do.

If the stars align and one day my path crosses with his again, I hope I’ll get another chance to prove myself to him, to be deserving of his love. I hope our story hasn’t ended yet because, despite the pain gutting me to the core right now, the whirlwind was so beautiful, Mom. Utterly breathtaking. And I’m not ready to leave its madness yet.

Love, Millie

Chapter 20

One and a Half Years Later

Dear Mom,

It’s finally happening. The senior year Education Honors Program. I’ve worked so hard to get here. I know I’m lucky to have gotten in despite what happened at ULA. All the late nights and long weekends, spending my hours in the library instead of partying it up with friends have paid off.

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