Page 124 of When Hearts Collide

And my family? My siblings may be a rowdy bunch, but what have they done to deserve to be dragged through the muck with me? They are fulfilling their obligations as unimpeachable offspring of a centuries-old dynasty.

If being an Anderson is such a burden, why would I want the woman I love to suffer the same fate?

How can you be so selfish, Ryland?

I bury my head in my hands, the pangs in my chest more incessant, a thousand knives slicing my heart.

“We still have tomorrow,” Millie’s voice whispers in my mind.

Eventually, all tomorrows have to end.

Chapter 46

Dear Ryland,

Tell me, why are you pulling away again? I feel the distance growing more between us; I see the walls you’re trying to build back around your heart. When I ask you to meet, you say you’re busy. You say it’s the IPO, the effects of working two full-time jobs. The shadows under your eyes worry me, but you tell me everything is fine. But you forget, I can read you as well as you read me.

Don’t you know you’re hurting me? I lay awake at night missing you and angry at you at the same time. I’m not a quitter, but you make it so damn hard for me and it frustrates me to no end.

Don’t you see? We are meant to be. And perhaps I’m as stubborn as you, because even though you make me furious at times, I’m going to change your mind, because I know you love me. After all, you gave me your mom’s pendant.

We may not have all the answers yet, but with a love like ours, we are written in the storms, and I’m sure at the end of it all, there’ll be a beautiful rainbow and sunny skies.

I miss your kisses. I miss your touch. I miss you.

Love, Millie

“CLASS, IT HAS BEEN an absolute honor teaching you this year. I know it’s only the beginning of February, and we still have spring quarter left, but I just want to get that off my chest,” Ryland says, his voice sullen, in front of the classroom at another JEAP committee meeting.

His shoulders look extra rigid today, and a heaviness blankets his frame. He runs his fingers through his tousled hair, rendering it into an unkemptness rarely seen from the Prince of the USA. The man I love is miserable and struggling, and I’m helpless to stop it.

He has been avoiding me after class now, and I can count with one hand how many times I’ve had his lips on mine in the weeks that have passed since New Year’s Day.

An anvil sits on top of my chest, and I sit up and twist my lips in what I hope is a convincing smile. I will not let him break me.

His eyes catch mine, the intensity in them almost stifling, and the only acknowledgment to my reassuring smile is a harsh swallow, his muscles rippling in his throat.

“I’ve submitted our final recommendations to the Ethics Committee for Professor Archer and Tammy’s case. You’ve made a sound argument against punishment for them. After all, they appear to be victims of unfortunate circumstances.”

His penetrating gaze is unwavering on mine. “Whatever happens, know that you’ve tried your best, and in the end, that’s what matters. The committee will make a decision soon and it’s out of our hands now.”

Ryland walks around the podium so he’s standing closer to us. To me. His shirtsleeves are rolled up, and he releases a haggard sigh. I smell the familiar scent of his cologne and a piercing want spears through my chest.

In the classroom full of people, he still appears as alone as that first day when I saw him standing in the rain.

A lonely silhouette carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

But I am here, Ryland. You aren’t alone anymore.

The weight sinks deeper inside me, and I bite my lip to contain my emotions. I wonder if my efforts are useless, hurling pebbles against a steel wall.

But my heart won’t let me quit him. But do you really want to quit him?

Deep down, my answer is no. But I also know I deserve more, like he told me before. I deserve to be loved without reservations.

But seeing him so anguished in front of me, I want to hold him in my arms and hear the reassuring thumps of his heartbeat. I want to whisper in his ear he no longer needs to carry his burdens by himself because I can share the weight with him. If only he’ll just let go of these invisible chains he has clasped tightly in his hands.

His gray eyes linger on me before his jaw flexes, and he looks away.

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