Page 116 of When Hearts Collide

“Millie, my family is under the regulations of a family trust formed long ago.” I caress her fingers in mine, relishing the soft skin, the strength laced in the delicate digits.

I tell her about the rules of the trust, which I hinted at that evening in the bath. I tell her how I can never leave Fleur or everyone else in the family will lose their fortune. I tell her how anyone joining the family has to give up his or her dreams and how I can’t do this to her. I tell her about the family curse, how the woman the firstborn male of the family loves and marries always dies from a premature death under suspicious accidents.

The words pour out from inside me, the poison so dark, I can’t help but feel it’s corrupting her just by listening to my thoughts, absorbing my selfishness.

How I want to risk everyone’s happiness to live for myself. How I’m resentful of everyone around me, even though the guilt always comes in strong after these thoughts like a tsunami. How I’m a privileged asshole, a hypocrite who preaches ethics but is violating these very moral obligations every single day by thinking about her, by kissing her, by being with her.

Millie’s eyes cloud with tears by the time I’m finished, and she quickly blinks them away.

“You’re the farthest thing from selfish, Ryland. The fact you’ve leashed down all your thoughts and desires because of what you think is good for the people you love tells me what a selfless person you are.” She reaches out and swipes her thumbs on my cheeks.

I belatedly realize tears have escaped from my eyes.

It feels cathartic, baring my soul to hers, letting her see the darkness inside me.

And she hasn’t shied away.

“I did the same thing to Adrian, Dad, and my friends for the longest time. Hiding myself. Pretending to be happy and fine in front of them when I was angry at the world deep inside, when I wanted nothing more than to lash out and tell them I was tired of being their anchor or being positive.” She presses a kiss on my lips.

“It turns out my friends didn’t abandon me when I cried in front of them and I never needed to pretend all along. I still make the mistake and hide inside my shell sometimes, and I think you’re the same. After all, it’s been years of training and practice to be the caregiver you are.”

Her voice is urgent and ardent, her blue eyes flashing with ferocity. “But you know what? Sometimes we are wrong. Sometimes, when we think we must do something and there’s no way out, there’s usually a hidden window or door that’s cracked open, but we don’t notice until we let other people in, and they lead us out of the chaos.”

She adds, “Have you considered, I might be willing to give up my dreams for you? Or maybe my dreams had changed after I met you? Or perhaps I’m okay with not being married as long as I can stay by your side?”

My breath stalls in my throat, and I grip her hands tightly in mine. “Millie, you can’t give up your dreams for me. I’ve seen this happen to my mom. The resentment that builds afterward. You deserve a man who can offer you his name and put you as the top priority. I can’t let you sell yourself short. You deserve so much more than me.”

She holds up the key around her neck, the jewels sparkling under the dim light. “You gave me the key to your heart. Trust me with it. Trust that there’s also a hidden key to unlock your problems. There has to be. And the people who love you will want to find it for you. And they will.”

She looks up. “We will find it together because if we can’t solve it today, we always have tomorrow.”

A pressure forms in my chest and spreads like wildfire as I take in this fighter in front of me. The rarest of songbirds. The most powerful of hunters.

And she loves me.

“Tomorrow,” I echo her words, my voice hoarse. Tomorrow.

Wordlessly, I cradle her face with my hands and seal my lips to hers, needing to kiss her, to love her with every suction, every lave of my tongue.

The words finally find me.

“I love you, Millie. I love you so damn much.”

Chapter 44

He held me tightly in his arms that night and I vaguely remember waking up in the middle of the night, my mind groggy, my abdomen on fire, with him already sitting by my side, his arms gently hoisting me up before handing me more medicine and a cup of warm water. It was like he was in tune with every inch of my body and was intent on taking care of me the best way he could.

Like no one has ever taken care of me before.

My family loves me, I’m sure, but I’ve never had anyone put me in the front and center of their unwavering focus, like the way Ryland has.

I can cry, laugh, say anything in front of him, and it’ll be okay.

Oftentimes, I don’t even need to say anything and he seems to know what I’m thinking or what I need.

My nose crinkles and a ball forms in my throat. I gaze at the large expanse of Central Park below us, which is covered in a thick blanket of snow. The waning sunset provides a stunning backdrop to the enormous park, the warm light casting a soft glow on the snow-tipped trees.

I blow out an exhale, watching the condensation vaporizing in the air, melting with the purplish red striations in the evening skies. It’s beautiful. Mother Nature is giving us a swath of hope and color amid the dreary gray and white winter.

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