Page 115 of When Hearts Collide

This is my act of love for her, to set her free to find someone else, someone who can love her unequivocally and give her everything.

And so, this time we have together is a beautiful dream I’m giving to myself. One where I know I’ll need to wake up from at any moment and face reality. But my selfishness drives me to give myself one more tomorrow, one more moment with her, to delay the inevitable.

Striding over to the snack aisle, I pick out a few bars of Swiss chocolate, some gummy bears from the German brand she loves, a bag of mini marshmallows, and a few bags of potato chips. Then I grab a bottle of ibuprofen and quickly pay for the items before hurrying back to The Orchid where Millie is waiting for me.

Minutes later, I arrive back at my penthouse.

Gretchen greets me as I open the door. “She’s resting but not asleep, the poor thing.”

“Thank you for looking after her. I’ll take it from here.”

She dips her head and disappears back into her quarters.

I carry the shopping bag and tread quietly into the master bedroom in case she managed to fall asleep.

The whimpering sounds from the small lump in the middle of my bed are the sharpest blades carving into my heart. I’ll fight the world to relieve her of her pain.

“Millie, I’m back.”

She shuffles on the bed, sits up, and gives me a wobbly smile. Her face is glistening with sweat as she tries her best to hide her pain.

My brave girl. My fighter.

“You didn’t have to,” she says as she looks at the bag I set on the bed.

Sitting next to her, I take her clammy hands in mine, my fingers rubbing some heat into her. “Of course I have to. I need to take care of you.” While I still can. While we still have our tomorrows.

I smile, my fingers tucking a damp lock of hair behind her ear before I press a soft kiss on her forehead.

“I hope I got everything you need.”

Carefully, I retrieve the packets of sanitary pads, the snacks, the medicine, and the water. I uncap the water bottle, shake out two tablets of ibuprofen from its container, and hand them to her.

“Take this first. It’ll lessen your pain.”

She follows my instructions and brushes her hand on my cheek. “This is more than enough. How did you know?”

Heat rises to my face and I mumble, “I asked Lana.”

Her lips curve up in a dazzling smile, clearly pleased I consulted my sister on her ailment. She throws herself on me and buries her face in my neck.

“I love you, Ryland.”

Millie presses a kiss on my skin. I shudder as a hot ember sparks to life inside my chest at her soft touch and further fanned by her words.

She loves me.

I don’t deserve her love. My voice is trapped in my throat, and I clutch her tightly to me, my fingers digging into her slender back. My mouth opens and closes, trying to get the words I feel so strongly out, but I’ve lost the ability to speak.

“You don’t have to say anything, Ryland. I know how you feel,” she whispers before pulling back, her hands clutching the key pendant tightly.

As Christmas approached, after every scorching and heartrending kiss between us, after our bodies coming together time and time again, our souls merging into one, I felt an undeniable urge to give her half of Mom’s pendant.

Maybe my story doesn’t have a happy ending, but selfishly, I want her to carry a piece of me with her always. After all, my heart already resides with hers, where I know she’ll take good care of it.

My vision blurs as I curl my hand over hers. Maybe I can’t get those three words out, but I want to tell her the truth. I want her to understand why I can’t live for myself, why I can’t be with her.

Why our tomorrows are limited.

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