Page 57 of When Hearts Ignite

While the experience at the firm has been wonderful, I’m most grateful to have met you. I only wish we had more time, because I want to know why an aching loneliness haunts your eyes. I want to know why you can’t sleep at night.

I hope someday you’ll be able to quash the demons inside you, because you deserve so much more, Steven. You deserve to be happy.

Don’t look for me. You won’t find me. But know that wherever I’m at in the world, I’ll be cheering for you, and when you see a star streaking across the nighttime sky, know that I will be thinking of you.

Your friend,

Grace

The phantom ache in my chest resurfaces, threatening to rob me of my breath as I reread the words I’ve long memorized. I can feel her pain and sadness in each stroke, each heavy press of the pen at the end of every sentence.

I can see the droplets of liquid, long dried, smearing the words at the corners.

Tears. I’d bet my life on it.

And the helplessness I felt nine months ago, the first time I realized I couldn’t solve a problem, couldn’t make it all go away, shakes me to this day.

What happened? It couldn’t only be because she didn’t get the job offer. It has to be something else.

I thought about hiring an investigator to look for her, but then what? She obviously didn’t want me to find her, and she clearly distanced herself from me.

My mind swirls to my father and that one night when he sat next to me as we looked up at the stars in the skies.

Once a woman slipped in and captured the tender organ, she’d never let it go, even if she was no longer in your life. And for the rest of your life, you’d lose part of yourself, knowing you’d never be able to reclaim it.

Wise words from my father. I was too young to understand. And now, I wonder if it’s too late. If perhaps my heart has been stolen from right under my nose and now I’m left bereft for the rest of my life.

Ping.

My cell chimes with a text message notification.

Emily

Friendly reminder to be at The Orchid at five today. Jack’s promotion celebration. I’m texting you the location of the secret courtyard. Don’t be late.

Not a second later, another message comes through.

Emily

I miss you, little bro. Can’t wait to see your surly ass face. *Smiley face*

I chuckle under my breath at Emily’s messages, which smooth the splintering edges of the ache in my chest. I don’t know why I keep thinking about Grace, even after all this time has passed. She was only a friend, Steven. That’s all she ever was. Not everyone is meant to have a permanent place in your life.

The words ring false. Complete lies.

My thoughts drift back to the last time I felt true heartwarming happiness spreading inside me, when my mind wasn’t thinking about work or profitability, when I was actually present, with no worries in my mind, every cell in my body fully awake and aware of the person next to me.

The woman with nothing to her name yet is the richer person between the two of us.

The woman who made me feel alive, who made me feel the sultry heat of desire in my veins, who made me want to think about, to do impossible, ridiculous things. Things like hauling her against me, sealing myself with her, hearing her moans and whimpers as I find out what makes her scream in pleasure, drawing from her brightness, her positivity, and burying myself deep inside her and never letting go.

I just can’t seem to forget her, even though her presence in my life was as brief as a passing hurricane, devastating all the same.

My thoughts drift back again to father’s words…bereft is too little of a description for what I’m feeling every day. Time has not healed the wounds but widened them. Because now, I finally know what I’m missing.

I miss her. So goddamn much.

Jack draws Sarah close to him, and even from this distance, I can see the hunger in his eyes, the love seeping through this former playboy’s soul. The two lovebirds are so wrapped up in themselves they don’t even notice they have an audience.

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