Page 92 of Dare to be Different

Remy looks around the home that never felt like a home to him. I know he wants to ask if she’s ever going to get help for her disorder, but he’s asked so many times that he’s lost the desire to intervene. He loves both of his parents, even though they weren’t really parents, but he’s tired. Tired of caring for them whenever they need something. I think he’s mostly just tired of fighting for them when they don’t fight for themselves. Lidia couldn’t even pull herself from the house while Remy was missing for those three days.

Remy lets out a sigh. “I want to be kept in the loop, and I want to see Dad at Uncle Charles’ house. I’ll set up a payment plan with the hospital. I pay them, not you.”

Lidia’s eyes well with tears that she blinks away. “Thank you, son. I… thank ya.” That’s all the gratitude Remy will get, but he’s too humble to want more.

Remy nods, cutting himself off emotionally. He lost his ability to cry for his parents years ago. “I’ll talk to you soon, Mom.” He gives her a smile and then nods at me, leaving the house like he can’t walk out fast enough.

I slide the chair back, hitting a pile of junk, barely able to get to my feet.

“Thank your mama for me,” Lidia says to me. “For always taking care of my boy when I couldn’t. And for you… for being there for him.”

That’s the kindest thing she has ever said to me. “I will.” I give her a tight smile and follow Remy outside. The fresh, cold air is extremely welcome.

Remy’s in the passenger side of the truck, looking like he’s now conflicted about smoking the cigarette in his hand. I get in opposite him, starting the truck for heat. Remy’s the type to bottle things up, mull them over, and explode later on, and I’ll be here for him when it happens.

“You good?”

He blows out a slow breath. “Don’t ever let me turn into that.”

A hoarder? A low life? A shit parent? An unhealthy person? A shit cunt? “I won’t.”

I drive us back to his place in silence, letting Remy get a good brood going. While he sinks into his bad mood, I realize a few things. One, I’m not near grateful enough for the family I have, and two, I fucking love Remy so much that I want to be his family. I want to protect him from his parents, his pain, and from the suffering he’s bound to go through while his dad is sick.

Remy is my forever family.

Chapter 37

I’ve never been this nervous, and I don’t fully understand what’s got me so tense. I want this. I’ve wanted this for a long time, and now I’m choking, buckling under the pressure.

“Wait.” I push on Zahn’s chest. “Fuck. Wait.”

He backs off immediately, looking at my eyes to figure out if I’m okay. “Talk to me.”

He looks insanely sexy. Half naked, wearing only boxers and a hard dick, wanting this as much as I do. His chest rises and falls, and there’s a sheen to his lips from my kisses. Why am I being a coward? Fucking look at him! Why am I not all over him?

“I’m…”

“Chickening out?” he fills in, smirking at me.

The depth of what this means hits me. The meaning! The deeper parts. The monumental shift in dynamic that will never let us come back from this. I’m not scared of it. I’m scared we won’t feel the same about it. We’ve always been on the same page, but there’s been a bit of miscommunication lately, mostly revolving around how we’re changing, so I want to make sure we’re one hundred percent on the same brainwave with this.

“Yeah. I don’t know. Maybe.” I sit back, running my hands through my hair. I feel like an idiot and I don’t know where to start to tell him all this.

“Change your mind, Rem? You don’t want to?”

“I want to,” I bark at him. “I really fucking want to.”

Zahn tries to readjust his dick to give this conversation a modicum of decency, but it’s no use. “What’s the problem then? Explain it.”

I flop down on the far end of the couch and try to get my thoughts in order. “I don’t know. I just… I want it so bad that I’m afraid…”

“You’ve built it up so much that it’ll be shit?” he asks.

“No. The opposite of that. I’m afraid I want it more than you, and once we do it, you’ll… it’ll hurt if…”

Zahn barks out a laugh and then apologizes for it. He doesn’t stop laughing, though. “Seriously?”

I kick him. “Think about it, asshole! This is the last step. The literal last line we can cross. Once we actually fuck, it’ll mean something different to me. And you’re Mr. Variety, right? So, I know you’re gonna get—”

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