Page 86 of Dare to be Different

“No matter what,” Mom agrees.

I know that. I always have. Remy is a Dare through and through, and he’s always had a home here when his parents couldn’t parent. Nothing will change that, not even our shifting relationship. I give my parents a nod of thanks and head out back. All my brothers got kicked out for the evening while we had this meeting, and I’m kind of grateful they aren’t here to fuck shit up. Alone time with Remy is what I’m after because… fuck, he just worked Gen into our deal to save her. He saved her from having to make that decision on her own.

I throw on a coat and some boots, heading out back to find Remy smoking on the deck. Leaning against the railing, looking up at the stars, he stays silent. Humbled but wound up tight, I can’t place his mood, but whatever it is, it looks damn good on him. I stand next to him, not sure what to even say.

“I had a weird day,” he says, looking at the sky. “Tired, mostly because some asshole called me in the middle of the night and put filthy thoughts in my head.”

“Not sorry.” I smirk.

“Then I ran into Sarah at Ben’s coffee place. Cami’s Sarah.”

“Oh?”

“Asked if we would be willing to fuck around with them again.”

“You better have said no.”

Remy turns to look at me with a small smile. “I’m going in there. Wanna come?” He nods at the hot tub.

Hell yes, I’m coming. “I’ll grab towels and booze. Anything else?” What does he need right now?

Remy leans in, smelling like cigarettes. “You and booze, Zahn. That’s all I need.”

My perfect night used to be about finding something crazy to get into. But Remy and a bottle of whiskey at home, spending time alone in the hot tub, yeah… that seems like a damn perfect night.

He drops his clothes inside the door and then makes the naked mad dash through the snow to the hot tub, and I watch every damn second of it.

As Remy tells me about his girl talk with Sarah, my mind once again runs over the possibilities of cheating and what I’d do if I had been in Sarah’s shoes. As much as it fucking sucks, I don’t blame her for wanting to forgive Cami. That’s her right. Whatever.

But what’s really hanging me up is how it’d make me feel. “Hey, Rem?”

He grins at that.

“I think… don’t make fun of me.” I look at him, only able to see his chest and shoulders above the water.

“Oh, if you have to tell me not to make fun of you, I’m definitely making fun of you.”

“Fuck you.”

“Say it.” He laughs.

“I just… I think… fuck you for getting all up in here!” I pat my chest. “I think you can break me now.”

“Break your heart?” he asks, still grinning. “That what you’re trying to tell me, Zahn?”

That’s exactly what I’m trying to say, and the absurdity of it is boggling. I’ve changed my tune so fucking fast that I can’t even keep up with my own feelings anymore. I love Remy. I love him as more than a best friend, and now that I do, it’s giving me a vulnerability I never thought I’d have. But it’s also creating dreams I never knew I’d want and offering hope for a future that’s suddenly open to me. Me and him.

So, instead of making a snipe about it or mocking myself, I simply say, “Yes.” I’m doing a lot of confessing these days, and I’m not even sure if he feels the same. I glance at him, almost wanting him to admit the same thing but not wanting him to feel pressured into saying it. Because, yeah, I just kind of told him I’m in love with him.

How the actual shit did that happen?

Remy takes his time to formulate a response. Normally, that’d make me think he was trying to cop out of it or come up with a way to put me down gently, but it’s Remy, and I know he cares about me enough to make his reply count. Our friendship has always been built on trust and loyalty, and whatever direction we go moving forward, it’ll be founded on that same base.

“I’m afraid to want things with you,” he eventually says, just as the bubbles kick off and silence our surroundings. “I’m afraid to want the things you’ve never wanted before.”

“Like what?”

His blue eyes meet mine and his whiskey is forgotten on the ledge. “Like monogamy, Zahn. Like to have you as mine. To be yours. I don’t want to change you.”

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