Page 82 of Dare to be Different

“Shit, boys,” Four says, whistling. “Never thought it’d get me hard to watch you two make out, but fuck.”

“Manners,” Genevieve says to him. “Mind them.”

“What manners? Stop pretending you don’t like to perv on everyone.” Four pulls her onto his lap, giving us a bit more room. I hear her whisper something about us making a good couple, and at that word, my eyes snap to Remy’s.

“Damn hot couple,” Rydan agrees. “Laken’s got another set of boys to watch.”

Is that what we are?

“Stop overthinking it,” Remy whispers, pulling me in. “Think with your dick instead of your head right now.” He laughs.

He always knows exactly what to say.

I’m once again stuck at the Cold Bay lodges on my own. I’ve gotta wait out some weather before I can make the return flight, so I decide to stay and sleep for a few hours, setting my alarm to keep an eye on the storm.

I’ve got a bowl of tomato soup on my lap and my phone in my hand with the weather app open. But my mind shifts pretty damn fast. Because I miss Remy. Not because I’m lonely and bored, but because I… just want him around.

One bite of tomato soup. I think about Remy all the time now—when I’m with him, when I’m not with him, and when I’m planning to be with him. I’ve never fixated on someone or been so obsessed with anyone before, and I don’t know how that happened after a lifetime of friendship.

Another bite, burning the roof of my mouth. I’ve gotten kind of used to sleeping in the same bed as him now. I like having his body there, pressed against mine, even if it’s not really cuddling. Proximity and comfort are what he gives me, and now I’m noticing the difference, being in this bed without him.

A cooling bite of soup. My brothers told me to experiment. Dom said our level of trust makes us perfect partners to try shit out. Even Mom told me to experiment, adding in the respect thing. We’re experimenting, that’s for damn sure, but how far do we want this to go? I’ve been thinking about sex, but I’ve never fucked a guy before, so I don’t even know what I want. Do I wanna top him? Do I want to bottom for him? Do I want both? Does he even want to go that far?

A lukewarm bite of shitty soup. I felt guilty that night with Cami. Actually, I’ve felt guilty during a few of our hookups now. I don’t want the third person. Which means I’m using those people as a way to get closer to Remy, and that’s just fucking pathetic and a bit disgusting. Monogamy was never on my mind, but the possession is totally new, too. Hand in hand, they mix together to make it feel like all I want is Remy, and not just sexually. But maybe we can still have a bit of fun with other people if the mood is right. Someone who understands that they’d be joining us instead of it just being us with them.

A cool bite of gross tomato soup. Laken said not all love is the same. I don’t know if I want that traditional romantic type of relationship with Remy, but I know I want something with him. Just because most of the world is looking for their one true love type thing doesn’t mean we have to. We can have a strong relationship while not conforming to what we think it’s supposed to be. It’s not all hearts and flowers and romantic notions. We have something deeper. A bond, a connection, that delves deeper into our personalities and makes us good together because it’s not only one thing. It’s friendship and trust, mixed in with new feelings and the addition of a more coupley kind of relationship. I want him in so many different ways now I don’t even know how to label them all.

A frigid bite of soup. At first I thought I wanted something like Cara and Cody have, but now that I’ve developed some sort of feelings for Remy, that doesn’t appeal to me as much anymore. I love the open aspect, and I love that they’re solid, but I went from being a guy who wants variety to being someone who doesn’t want to share. I’ll share anything and anyone, but not Remy. It makes me feel selfish. But I think I’m okay with that.

Because I love the way he blushes when I push his buttons, but I love the contrast of the blush when he gets bossy with me. It’s all these new sides of him. Maybe I’ve seen them before, or maybe this is the first time I’m actually paying attention to them, but fuck me. Bashful and bold, blond and beautiful, and blunt enough to handle me. We fit. We’ve always fit, but our bits and pieces are melding together in new ways that feel fucking phenomenal.

A spoonful of cold air. I set the empty bowl on the nightstand and lean back against the freezing wall. I don’t want an open relationship with Remy anymore. I want a closed one. Maybe we crack the door open every so often, but for the majority of the time, I want us to be us and that be that.

I don’t know who to go to for advice about this. Mom gives great advice, but she isn’t in the kind of relationship I’m getting into. Will she understand it if I lay it all out there for her? Jed and Kade might understand the unconventional thing, and maybe even the line-crossing part since they’re brothers and in the same relationship, but it’s different. Remy might be as close to me as my brothers, but we don’t have that taboo line to worry about. Who can I even talk to about this?

Remy. He’s the only other person who is going through the exact same thing. We aren’t always the best at talking shit through, but we’ve been pretty damn good at it lately. I check my phone, debating calling him. It’s almost midnight and he has to be up at five tomorrow morning to get to the airfield. I shouldn’t…

I do. I call him and press my phone to my ear, still leaning back against the cold wall.

“You better be dying,” he says, groaning. I smile like an idiot at his tone, sinking down the wall a bit. “Don’t be dying,” he adds. “Are you dying? Zahn?”

“You wanna be in a relationship with me where we sometimes open the door but mostly leave it closed?” I ask.

“It’s fucking midnight, you prick.” I hear him shuffling around in bed, letting out a few grunts and groans as he gets comfortable for a conversation we should totally be having face to face instead of over the phone in the middle of the night. “Aren’t we already… in that?”

“So, you think we’re together?” I ask. Maybe I just need confirmation. We’ve gone from wingmen to having a sexual arrangement, to getting possessive and focusing on each other, to agreeing to keep it between us. But that’s all about sex. We’ve never defined anything else, and now I’m a needy bitch who might need that. So much for my label-hating ass.

“Together. Consistent. Constant. Us,” he says. “Whatever you wanna call it, Zahn, but call it that in the morning.”

“Remy,” I speak over his yawn. “Would… would you fuck me?”

“Fuck, Zahn,” he groans. “You’re a fucking pussy for asking me that while we’re this far apart.”

“I’m cold and bored and miss you,” I tell him. “I can’t sleep, and you’re all up in my head all the time, and my dick’s addicted to you, and it’s on my mind. What’re you doing?” I ask when I hear him shuffling around.

“You just asked if I’d fuck you. What do you think I’m doing?” he bitches at me.

Despite the coldness of the room, my cock hardens in my sweatpants. “Me asking if you’d fuck me gets you hard enough to jerk off?”

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