Page 56 of Dare to be Different

I laugh. I can’t help it. He smacks me for it. “Sorry, shit! I’ve never seen you insecure before!”

“I’ve never jerked a guy off before! Give me some fucking feedback, you prick!” He’s laughing now, at least.

“So skilled,” I tease him as we start walking again. “I’d rate it a solid ten if I didn’t know you earned that skill by jerking yourself off so much. Docking one point for cockiness.”

He smirks and watches his feet. “You love my cockiness.”

Damn right I do. Always have. It just hits differently now that I get to be a focal point of his attention. “It was hot as fuck, Zahn. No regrets.” I bump his shoulder with mine. “Come on. Let’s get trashy drunk food and get back to Cody and Cara’s.”

His steps slow down. “Do you wanna try that shit with other guys now? Cody?”

“Are you seriously being this fucking insecure right now?” I laugh. Like, head tilted back to be blinded by the streetlights kind of laugh.

He tells me to fuck off again. “I’m just… you aren’t freaking out about your shift in sexuality?”

Well, maybe a little, but I can be honest about this with him. “My sexuality isn’t really shifting to new genders, man. Just to you. So let that feed your ego and pull that stick out of your ass, okay? I don’t want Cody. Or any other guy. I was willing to let that guy touch me tonight, but I think that’s only because I wanted to egg you on.” I look at him, not letting him comment on that. “Now buy me a shawarma. And onion rings. And mozza sticks. And a whole pizza. Let’s go. Oh! Street meat!”

He complies. We make it back to Cody and Cara’s, visit with them in the morning for a bit, and then head home. But I didn’t miss the way they looked at us like they knew something had changed.

By the time I get home from work a few days later, my fire has burned down so low that I throw on thick socks and an extra hoodie. Maeve ends up popping by with a design for a new logo we’re trying out, and I invite her to stay for a bit.

“Kade wants to add the wings here,” she says, pointing at the design on her iPad. She brought physical copies, but I like that she can zoom in and change things around on the digital version. “And honestly, I think he’s got a point. It’ll look good like that, too. He’s gonna draw it up and see.”

“These look amazing,” I tell her. “Maybe we can have two versions.”

She nods, leaning back on my couch. Her blue-black hair is up in a messy bun, and her makeup is more subtle than I’ve ever seen it. Even her clothes are sweats made for warmth and comfort, and shit, I love this version of her. “What’s going on?” she asks, almost as perceptive as Laken. “You’re being weird.”

“I want to be in a relationship just so someone can keep my fire going when I’m gone,” I admit with a laugh. “Know anyone?”

“Uh, Zahn,” she says. “Get a roommate. You don’t need a relationship for that.”

“Yeah, but he’s gone all the time, too. Might work because we get back at different times a lot. Maybe. Think he’d ever leave the Dare house?”

“He basically lives here anyway. Ask him.”

Okay, Maeve just turned into my drinking buddy for the night, so she’s about to get the results of my confusion. “Would you still suggest us living together if I told you we’ve been… crossing all sorts of lines?”

Maeve’s smile is sexy and sinister. “I am fucking here for this line crossing. Spill it.”

So, I do. I tell her about the blindfolded blowie, explain the vibe and energy thing, tell her that Zahn got possessive, and admit that I’m pretty confused about my sexuality because I only seem to want him lately.

“Want him how?”

“That’s just it! I have no idea!” I sit forward and hold my cup out; she fills me up with peach whiskey. “Sex has to be off the table, right? I mean, despite the fact that I’ve never been gay before, it’s just wrong. He’s my best friend. Friends can’t just fuck and forget it. Maybe this is as far as we should let it go.” I look at her, hoping she’ll tell me the opposite because, yeah, I might be thinking about more. Whatever that means.

Maeve fucks with her bun, tightening it on the top of her head. “Okay, are you attracted to his body or just the sexual energy in the situation?”

Good fucking question. “I think mostly the sexual energy. But… he kissed me at the airfield the other day, and it brought that energy to life even when it was just the two of us and there was no sex involved. I’ve never really… checked him out too much. A bit, but… I don’t know.”

“Try it. Check him out and see if your dick gets hard.”

“I love you blunt.” I laugh. “You’ve come a long way since the douchebag Tyler days.” I knew that guy and never liked him. Maeve deserves so much better. Unsure about Ben at the moment, too. We’ll see.

“It’s what happens when I spend so much time working with a Dare.” She waves it off. “Okay, so check him out, and then try to fantasize about him or something.”

“Fantasize?”

“Yeah, like to see where your mind goes. Is it sex? Is it a situation? Is it a bunch of handjobs and blowjobs? Just try it.”

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