Page 39 of Dare to be Different

“Hey, Rem.” Her voice settles something inside me. It’s the middle of the damn night, and of course, Laken is up and willing to listen. “Zahn already called. Are you okay?”

Of course he did. I lean my forehead against the cool steering wheel, trying to breathe. “Fuck, Laken. What do I do?”

Laken laughs in sympathy. “You light a smoke, talk it out, and then you go back in there and face that asshole you call a best friend. That’s what Rayne would say,” she says fondly. “Come on, Remy. You and Zahn are closer than any other friends I know, including me and Gar. You can get through this just by talking about it. You’re open. He’s open. So go hash it out and get to the bottom of it.”

She really does sound like Rayne.

I light a cig, taking her advice. Cracking the window, I exhale most of my guilt and focus on the next steps. “What if this changes everything? What if our friendship doesn’t last?”

“What if it makes it better?” she counters. “You can sit here and play the what if game forever. Nothing will work itself out, Rem. You guys gotta do that part.”

“He’s going to be so fucking choked. I crossed way too many lines. Did he sound pissed off?”

“He sounded worried,” Laken says. “He’s worried about you. He asked me a hundred times if he could go outside to talk to you, but I told him to give you some space. He’s trying to respect that, but it’s Zahn, so… take that as you will.” She laughs, and I hear the sound of the front door at the Dare house opening and closing. I picture her sitting down in a rocking chair outside in the stormy weather.

“I’m sorry to call. I tried Rayne first.”

“Rayne’s down at the resort trying to deal with angry guests. She’ll probably call you back as soon as she sees your missed call. Never apologize. We’re family. So, let’s talk it through. What comes next?” she asks.

“I go in there and hit him again,” I suggest, sort of joking.

“Solid plan,” she agrees. “Go for his smug smirk. But only if he says something really stupid.”

“It’s Zahn,” I reason. “Of course he’s going to say something stupid.”

“Then you win.” She laughs again. “Wait. Only hit him if he uses the word ‘fuckery.’”

A choked laugh comes out of me, easing something in my chest. “You know he’s gonna drop that one.”

“Oh, I know. So hit him hard and then hash it out.” She pauses to inhale and exhale her own smoke, so I do the same. “You okay? Honestly?”

Not really. Everything is on the line and I don’t know where I stand. I’m beyond scared, unsure about all aspects of life, and struggling with my desires now. I just wanted that night to remain a sexy mystery to him, but he wouldn’t let it go, and now chaos has set in.

“I’m confused,” I admit. “Scared. Am I… bi?”

“Labels are just words with a lot of variations, Rem. You don’t have to pick one until you’re ready.”

Fuck, that… sounds so much easier than the way I’ve been trying to narrow myself down.

“Look,” she starts, so I lean back in the seat to listen, my cigarette hand hanging out the window. “I tried to talk to Zahn about this a while back. We were talking about bonds and connections and the types of relationships between people that don’t always measure up to romance, you know? Maybe instead of focusing all your efforts on the blowjob thing, try talking about that kind of stuff. Remind each other why you are so close, so bonded together. Don’t doom your lifelong friendship just because things turned more sexual than they already were. You guys are stronger than that.”

Maybe she’s right. Instead of worrying so much about the sexual side of things, I need to figure out why I was so willing to do them. Do them with Zahn, most importantly. It’s not like that night was the fulcrum point that swung our friendship in a new direction. The hookup thing we’ve had going on for a while now has been leading us in that direction—or maybe just leading me, but that’s another part I need to sort out.

“Is this… am I wrong about it all? Was I wrong to do it?” I ask her one of my biggest concerns. I mean, Zahn doesn’t have any limits, but did I find one?

“Lines get blurry, Rem. You and Zahn just need to figure out where your lines are or if you even have any. Relationships and friendships change. Just remember that change isn’t always for the worse, right? Fuck, look at mine. I have two fucking boyfriends, and you know what?”

“What?” I ask, pressing the phone to my ear so hard, thinking it’s going to let me listen better.

“Not many people are okay with it, but guess what? I don’t fucking care anymore. Happiness, love, relationships… that shit is all objective, and no one’s opinion matters more than the ones making the decision. What we have, what you and Zahn have, that’s worth so much more than someone else’s opinion of it. So stop worrying about right and wrong and start talking it through. You two love each other. And you’ll still love each other when the conversation is over.”

I take a deep breath again, and let it out slowly. “Thanks, Lakes. I… I needed to hear that.”

“Hit him hard if he says the magic word, and don’t let him get away with any shit,” she says, laughing. “Talk to ya when you get back. Love ya, Rem.”

“Love you.”

Okay, time to go face that fucking Dare.

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