Page 28 of Dare to be Different

I shower off the shame of that, get dressed, and feel a lot better by the time I meet Cara and Cody in the kitchen, waiting for Zahn to finish getting ready to go out. Neither of them say anything about catching me in that moment, but they put out vibes like they’re available to talk to if I need to. I appreciate it, and it makes me more comfortable with the whole thing. I write it off as some new weirdness that’s just coming into play since I decided to test my sexuality boundaries.

We spend the day doing random shit in the city. We go out for breakfast, meet a few of their friends, and get a taste of city life. I mean, no thanks. It’s not for me, but it’s fun to spend a day pretending. Even the hour we spent at the supermarket wasn’t terrible. Cody is a chef, so he wanted to grab some stuff for dinner, and Zahn and I spent the whole time wondering how it takes a goddamn hour to buy seven things. In Seward, we would have been in and out in under ten.

We ain’t city boys, so the day was pretty far-fetched for the two of us. I’d rather have spent my day off in the mountains with either a board or a drink strapped to my body, taking in the scenes and enjoying the vastness of the landscape. Skyscrapers and traffic don’t really do it for me.

“Wanna leave tomorrow morning?” Zahn asks as we sit on their balcony for a moment alone while Cara and Cody get dinner going. “It’s been fun, but I’ve had enough of the city. We could still fit in some boarding if you want.” He looks at me, his hair a dark mess and his coat wide open.

I couldn't agree more, so I nod. “Yeah. First thing.” Maybe it has a little to do with this twang and the way it feels to watch Zahn be touched by everyone… but me. “So don’t get too drunk tonight. Hungover or not, you’re driving home.”

“Something tells me I’m gonna need to be shit-faced for the things they have planned tonight.” Zahn laughs.

“What? Mr. No Shame needs liquid courage?” I tease.

He ignores me. “This shit weirding you out at all, Rem?”

In all honesty, I need a break from sex for a bit after this, but other than that weird hesitation inside me, no. It’s been fun and eye-opening. I’m way more into this than I thought I would be, and I know that has everything to do with Zahn being here. I wouldn’t do it on my own. He would, but I have a feeling he’s starting to enjoy me being involved the same way I am.

“Nah. You?”

“No.” He nudges me with his shoulder. “I love this shit. But a switch flipped in my brain lately, and it’s kinda weird.”

“What switch?” Anticipation bubbles up inside me, churning my stomach and flushing me with heat. What?

“We’ve been fucking around together for years, right?” he asks; I nod. “And now we have this arrangement, which I love, by the way. So now, when I think about it… Shit, Rem. You’re just in all my fantasies now,” he admits, laughing. “Every time I drift off thinking about hooking up, there you are, getting your dick sucked right along with me. You’re all up in there.” He motions to his head.

Thank fuck I’m not alone in that then.

“Hey, we’ve had nothing but good success with our method.” I laugh with him, hoping he doesn’t catch the hint of relief in my voice. “No point in fucking with it now. Unless you’re done?” I look at him, hoping I didn’t misunderstand his intent.

“Fuck no. I’m so in this it isn’t even funny. First thing I’ve ever committed to,” he says. “I crave this shit now. With you.”

It’s not the first thing he’s committed to. Our business, our friendship, his family, and flying are all things he’s done long-term, but I get where he’s coming from.

“So do I,” I admit with a real smile. I take a drag, covering it with nonchalance.

“You better tell me when you find one you wanna settle down with, though. I’m gonna need notice. Like quitting a job, Rem. I need at least two months’ notice,” he says, grinning at me while I smoke.

“Quitting a job is two weeks’ notice, idiot. But I’m not even looking,” I tell him.

“We can look together. You still into brunettes?” he asks.

More than you fucking know, bud. Their parts have changed, but… I shrug. “Sure. But now I’m more caught up in your bullshit.”

“What bullshit?”

“The vibe stuff. The energy. That bullshit.”

“Oh, it ain’t bullshit, bud. If the situation is hot, then it’s just hot all around, right? You get it now?”

“I’m starting to.”

Zahn stands, facing me. “You gonna let Cody suck your dick?” He teases.

Of course he’s gotta be a dick about it. “Maybe I’ll suck his dick, fucker.” I shove him and put my butt out.

Something weird crosses his face, but then he laughs. “I’d watch that for sure.”

“You’d watch anything.”

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