Page 63 of Dare to be Different

“Because I’m what, Zahn? I’m what?” He takes a calculated step closer to me.

Mine.

“I don’t know, Remy. I don’t know what fucking word to give to you. I don’t know what you are because I’ve never had this before. Fuck! Stop pushing me to label shit!”

Remy gives me a cruel and condescending look. “Pushing you?” Another step. He’s incredulous right now. “You’re the one pushing me, Zahn. You kissed me! Twice! Two separate times when we weren’t actively in the middle of something sexual. Tell me why!”

“Because I fucking crave you, okay?” Goddammit, I’m pathetic. “Because I needed to. Because I want you.” I don’t know if I’m on the verge of crying, running, or knocking him out, but something is building up inside me and I don’t know how it’s going to unleash. “I don’t know why, Remy, but I want you. I don’t even know how to make sense of this shit, but you’re the one I… need.”

“Sexually?” he asks, taking another step to eat away at the safe distance between us.

“In all the ways. I can’t picture life without you. Is that what you want to hear? So when I thought there was a fucking chance that I’d have to keep on living without you by my side, I broke the fuck down and didn’t know how to cope with that. So, yeah. I kissed you because I felt so much relief that you were okay, and I just needed to connect with you. Fuck. Sorry.”

He stops advancing, and my nerves get the better of me. Why’d he stop? Did I go too far? I just put it all out there, laid it all on the line, and all he can do is stare at me and stop walking? Oh, fuck him! I wind up and take a damn swing at him because it’s the only thing I can think to do. Remy dodges it easily, kicks my legs out, and lands on top of me on the floor. His hips pin me in place, and I struggle to break free simply because I feel too vulnerable beneath him.

“You’re such a dick, Zahn,” he seethes at me. Remy pins my wrists to the floor beside my head. “Are you fucking calm?” he asks.

“No.”

“Good.” And then his mouth is on mine and fire ignites, and the world tips to the right axis and my whole life puts itself back together.

I can’t breathe. I don’t want to breathe. I need him. Remy, and the security he brings me. The life we’ve lived and the intimidating way it’s changing. The fire and the passion that is impossible to replicate with anyone else, and the chemistry that meshes so well we’re a perfected science.

The way he kisses conveys the same level of desperation I felt on the side of the road the other day. He needs me as much as I need him, and finally realizing that forces me to relax and stop fighting it. This is an addiction. It’s codependency at its finest, and I don’t even care because it’s me and Remy like it always has been.

To taste him…

To feel his body against mine…

To control him and be controlled by him…

It’s all the reasons why our friendship works, and it’s all the reasons why something more shouldn’t, but fuck me if I’m going to let this opportunity pass me by. I have a goddamn thing for Remy, and I’m not denying it anymore.

Remy frees my hands and they instinctively grab his hips, bringing him closer. Our teeth clash and our breaths mingle, and the kiss deepens to a level that gets me drunk.

I never want this moment to end. I thought I lost him, and now he’s here, in my arms, all over my body, connected to me in the closest way I can get him. I never want to lose him again. I fucking need him.

“Fuck, Zahn,” he groans against my lips. “What is this?”

For the millionth time, I don’t know. It doesn’t need a label, though. It’s an instinct and a feeling, and that’s all it needs to be for now. I want Remy to be more than my best friend. I want him emotionally, mentally, physically, and fucking spiritually. There’s no part of himself I will allow him to deny me.

“Remy?” I grab his neck and push him back so I can look at his face. “I don’t know what we’re doing or where it’s going, but do you want this? Do you even want it?”

“I don’t even know what this is,” he says, breathing heavily. “But yeah. I want it.” His gaze shifts from my eyes to my mouth. He licks his lips and I feel him stiffen above me. “Actually, I want it right now. Need it.”

“How? What do you want?” I get bold and lift my hips, pressing my hard dick against his ass. “Because I fucking want it too, Remy.”

Remy groans at the feel of me pressed against him. His eyes turn hooded and his cheeks flush a little. I don’t know what he wants, and I’m sure he doesn’t know what he wants either, but I get a plan in place.

“I have an idea.” I flip us until he’s on the bottom and I’m sitting on top of his groin. I freely grind into him, dragging another groan from his throat.

“What idea?”

Anger and fear leave me, and desire and temptation take over. Our friendship is a sacred thing to me, but it’s changing, and there’s no denying that anymore. So it’s time to be bold. I grin at him, asking, “You’re good with our dicks touching?”

He swallows. “Yeah,” he admits, cheeks reddening even more. “Yes. Yeah. Fuck yeah. I want that.”

“Want what?” I grin again to keep the tone light and distract him from my fingers undoing the fly of his jeans. I’ve never undressed a guy before, but my hands are steady and my confidence hasn’t dipped.

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