Page 62 of Dare to be Different

He opens his mouth. Closes it. His nostrils flare and his fingers tighten into fists. He forces them to relax and runs them through his dark hair instead. Then he’s leaving the truck, slamming the door, and walking around the front of it. I’m too worked up to sit here and wait for him to settle down, so I undo my seatbelt and climb out. I close my door and ask him one more time what his damn problem is.

“You!” He pushes my back against the side of the truck. “You’re my fucking problem.”

His body crashes against mine, and then his hands are in my hair and his lips are on mine. He pins me in place, kissing me like he might crumple into a million pieces of nothing if he doesn’t. The chill from the past few days gets chased away by Zahn’s fire, and I don’t know what’s happening right now, but I pull him against me and kiss him back with just as much fervor. My breathing picks up, becoming erratic and wild, making my head pound.

That snaps me out of it. I push him away and glare at him. “You can’t just do that because you’re mad at me! It’s confusing at fuck!”

The air might be brisk, but the tension between us is as hot as the flames of Hell. Confusion swirls within me, making me simmer in a mix of bafflement and worry. Why’d he kiss me? Why is he doing that lately? Why is he so mad? I like it, and it’s confusing to like it. I don’t want him to keep doing it if it means something different from how I’m taking it. I’m weak and tired and hungry, and I can’t cope with it all right now.

“Just take me home, Zahn. Please.” I’m in shock. Overwhelmed. Coming down from three days of being in a constant state of survival, just trying to make it home in one piece. “Please.”

He steps back, sighing. With a nod, we get back in the truck and don’t talk. I don’t give him time to ask questions when he pulls into my driveway. I get out, slam the door, and don’t invite him in. I lean against the back of my door, noticing that my house is warm and my fire is going.

Tears leak down my face, grateful for the Dare family and all they do for me. There’s food in my fridge, casseroles and prepared meals, along with bottles of electrolyte drinks and a bunch of snacks. Zahn hasn’t left. The truck is still parked there, but I don’t have it in me to invite him in tonight.

I cry my way through a snack and a drink, not even sure why I’m so emotional—the comedown, I guess. An hour later, Zahn’s gone.

I crash into bed, realizing my parents didn't even call.

Chapter 25

I fucked up. Either by taking my worries out on him or by kissing him when I had no right to do it. Now Remy won’t take my calls, and he won’t unlock his door when I bang on it for a solid hour. So, I throw myself into work, doing double time to make up for Remy being off and one of our planes being down, and I help Four handle his anger towards Gen’s dad. The poor beautiful girl is a guilty wreck right now, and I can’t stop hugging her.

Her asshole of a dad came back with an ultimatum. Either she goes back to Georgia with him and makes good on her political duties during his campaign, in which he’ll pay her a million fucking bucks, or he denounces her as his daughter and sticks her with the bill for her medical school.

I wanna fucking murder that son of a bitch, and I’m not really a murdery kind of guy. For what he did to Remy, I want to shove the fire poker up his ass. And for what he’s now doing to Gen, I want to twist it until his insides fall out and he finally looks at someone like they’re more important than him. Fuck him for all of it! I almost lost Remy because of that fuck-up.

I’m lethal today. That bastard made me feel fear like I’d never known it before, and now that Remy won’t talk to me, I can’t let it go. I can’t cope with it and move on because I can’t physically see him to know that he’s okay. Maeve dropped him off a few things, but no one else has been invited in, and I’m really starting to worry about him.

There is no happy place inside me right now. I’m dirty-minded, not dark-minded, but for the past few days, I’ve been spiraling somewhere deep and dank, and I can’t claw my way out of it. My mood is shit, my sleep is terrible, and my temper is short.

Something happened to me while Remy was missing. A fissure opened in my chest and it won’t heal. The panic and pain I felt, not knowing if we’d pick up the distress signal close enough to where he went down was… soul destroying. I felt like I was dying, and I don’t even think I’m exaggerating. A part of me, the biggest part, would have died with Remy in that bush. He is my person, my constant, and my everything. He’s my best friend, confidant, business partner, and the only person outside of my family that I love.

He’s more. I love him in some new way, and I want to acknowledge that and make sure he knows how much he means to me, but I’m afraid I crossed a line he wasn’t ready to cross. I kissed him out of desperation, and not the sexual kind. I need to tell him that, come clean, admit to my feelings and how they’re changing, but let’s be honest: I fucking suck at the words part.

But I can’t do any of that while he’s blocking me out. So, fuck it. I’m not a thinker, I’m a doer, and it’s time that sexy blond prick lets me in. I’ll break in through a window or bust his damn door down if I have to, but I’m getting in there, and we’re hashing this shit out. Mostly, I just want to know that he’s okay.

I ignore every one of my brothers, their people, and my parents as I stand, knocking my chair back. I’m a man on a damn mission now. I throw on a random coat and shove my feet into two different boots, rooting through the key bowl for mine.

“Where the fuck are my keys?” I snap at nobody.

Then the front door rams into my shoulder, and I stumble back. It slams shut at the same time I notice my mouth is hanging open, and then I’m having a glare-off with the bastard I was just about to intrude on. He came. He showed up. He’s here.

“We need to fucking talk,” he snarls at me. “Now.”

I point at the door and he takes his boots off. Okay, guess we’re staying here. I take off the coat and boots and walk to my bedroom without another word. My family gets the hint and keeps their taunts to themselves. When we’re locked away in my room, I turn to face him, but he’s already talking.

“Why the fuck did you kiss me?” he asks bluntly. “Why’d you do it?” His eyes are like dark stormy skies instead of their normal vivid blue, and his chest is rising and falling like crashing waves.

This is what he wants to know? He glares at me, and I struggle to find all those words I just swore I was going to shout at him.

“Zahn!” he screams. “Why did you kiss me?”

“Because!” I shout at him, pent up and embarrassed and maybe a little scared that he’s going to push me away again. “Because I fucking needed to, okay?” I throw my arms wide to avoid hitting him. Or hugging him. Or turning away from him because I’m goddamn terrified of admitting the truth. “Because I thought I lost you, Remy. I was losing my… I thought I lost you, and it fucking broke me.”

“Because I’m your best friend?” he asks with pure accusation on his face. I have no idea what it means.

“Because you’re… more!” I shout, surprised with myself. “Because you’re…” I fumble for the right word, scared of saying it.

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