Page 47 of Dare to be Different

“We agreed to keep things going. We keep each other consistent and add in new people when we come across them.”

“So, you’re basically dating Remy,” Four says, grinning. When I don’t say anything—because, fuck, am I?—he goes on. “Do you guys do shit together when it’s just the two of you?”

“No. We never have. Like, I fucking made out with him the other night, man! There were two chicks there, but as soon as… like holy shit, Four.” I shake my head, unsure how to convey the feeling. “When he kissed me, everything else went away. I hyper-focused on him and my dick, and that was about it. There could have been a pussy in my face and I wouldn’t have known.”

“So you tuned them out? The girls?”

“I guess. And when the one pulled him away from me, I got fucking mad. I just wanted to have him.”

“Have him how?”

Isn’t that the question of the fucking week. “I don’t know.” I laugh. “And I’ve never not known! He’s all up in my head and my fantasies and my spank bank, and now that he’s given me two of my best experiences, which sounds so fucking vanilla for me, but whatever, I can’t get him off my mind. I’ve never kissed anyone like that before. It felt like…”

“More?” Four supplies.

“Yeah. More. Up until that blowjob and that kiss, all my sexual experiences have been physical. I get swept up in the vibe, get super into shit, give it my all, have a great time, and that’s it. But with him, it’s just deeper. Like… don’t fucking laugh at me, but it’s soul-level shit.”

He laughs anyway. Asshole. “Sorry.”

“No you’re not.”

“No, I’m not. But it makes sense. You and Rem have that kind of bond. It’s just getting deeper now. Does it freak you out?” he asks.

“Fucking right it does,” I admit. “I’ve never wanted consistency before, and now I’m all obsessed with him. And the feelings aren’t clear. I’m just obsessed, but I don’t know if it’s a sex thing, a friendship thing, or a something else thing. I don’t really know what I want to happen with him, but I know I want him there for everything. He thought he crossed a line with the blowjob. He felt so guilty about it, but inside, I was thanking whatever crossroads demon I made a deal with that he did it because it obliterated that line and now I never want to go back on the other side of it.”

Four takes a drink and leans back. “Alright, so have you talked about it?”

“No.” I laugh. “After that hot make out, we bottled up and avoided it.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m delaying telling him how fucking good it was,” I say.

To be honest, when that chick pulled him away from me, there was a primal instinct inside me that wanted to lock them out of the room and fuck Remy. Like actually fuck him. I thought about it. Fantasized about it. Felt like shit for even thinking it. I’ve never even been with a guy like that. I’m not against it, but I’ve never been one to seek it out, so it hasn’t happened. But now I’m premeditating that shit with Remy, of all people?

“You sound possessive,” Four says, and I don’t deny it. “I’ve never seen you get possessive over anything but a bottle of good whiskey. Never. You aren’t the possessive type.”

No, I’m not, but I’m changing a lot lately.

“Want a suggestion?” Four asks, and I groan. “Hey, it’s a good one!”

“Give it to me.”

“Kiss him again. Without the heat. Without the moment. Without any sex going on around you. No atmosphere and no sexual vibe. Just kiss him and see what you feel.” He shrugs like that’s just basic common knowledge.

It’s a good suggestion. It’d give answers I’ve been seeking. “Fuck, Four. Gen’s really making you soft.” I’m at my limit and need this confession session to end.

He picks up on that. “I know. I’m so deflated, but she’s worth it.” Damn right she is. “I need to work out with Jed more. Kade’s getting too tough.”

“Right? That’s what I’ve been saying. It’s hard to even pick on him anymore.” I laugh.

“Guess we’ll shift our focus to Kolt.”

“Deal.”

We get up to head back to the living room. Four looks at me as we walk down the hall.

“What?” I ask.

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