Page 33 of Dare to be Different

“What?”

“Nothing. Nevermind.”

I shake my head at him, completely baffled that he’s being shy and awkward. “What’s with this? Why’re you shy?” I laugh. “Don’t wimp out on me now, Zahn. Just ask it. You want to know if I watched you at Cara and Cody’s, right?”

He has the nerve to offer me the shyest, sexiest little grin. “Did you?”

Shit. Okay. How much of this do I want to admit to without ruining or risking our friendship? I’ve got secrets, and if he thought about them hard enough, he’d already have all the answers he’s looking for. But nerves upset my stomach and I chicken out.

“Yeah.” I shrug. “I watched you.” Eye-fucked him, more like. Admired him. Got hard because of him. Watch is such a subtle term for what I did. My whole mind shifted that night, and it’s been fucked up ever since.

“Alone? Or were you getting played with, too?” he asks.

I swallow a mouthful of booze and let it burn the words in my throat. “Started alone. I watched from farther back, and then Cara brought me over and fucked with me while they fucked with you.”

Zahn nods a bunch of times, biting into his bottom lip like he wants to ask something else. I know him, and follow-up questions are his thing. He wants all the information, but he’s being weird about asking for it, and I’m not sure why. I hope it’s not because he feels uncomfortable.

“What?” I widen my eyes at him. “What? Ask what you want!”

Zahn fills both of our glasses, taking the time to gain courage, and that’s such a sign of something being off with him that it sets unease spreading through my chest. Zahn doesn’t get uncomfortable and doesn’t get shy, and most of all, he isn’t afraid to ask straightforward questions. Which means he’s wondering one specific thing, and I haven’t yet figured out if he wants the answer to be yes or no.

Handing me my glass, he sits back on his bed, kicks his legs out to appear casual, and asks, “Did you touch me at all? Like… anywhere?”

Despite the sweat gathering on my lower back in this cold room, I lick my lips and pretend to brush the whole thing off as a joke. “Isn’t that the whole point of a blindfold? To not know?”

“Remy…”

Goddammit. Why does it please me to hear my name from him like that all of a sudden? We’ve been running a strong sex game for most of our adult lives, and now he looks different and sounds different just because I learned he’s into guys? Or is it because I unabashedly watched him in pure pleasure while he wasn’t able to look back at me? Did that blindfold give me free rein to see him in a new light? Because the things I did that night…

“I touched you,” I admit, not adding anything else. I keep my eyes on him, studying his body language to see if he shows relief or panic. But I can’t read the meaning of his clenched jaw or the purpose of his subtle shift when he places his glass on his crotch.

He wets his lips, ready to ask yet another question I’m not ready to answer, but then changes tactics. He squeezes the back of his neck, clears his throat, and asks, “Are you ever going to tell me who gave me that blowie?” His grin is back to being playful, like the past minute never happened.

Well, I can pretend it never happened, too. I throw out a laugh that hopefully sounds real. “Why do you want to know so bad?”

He sits up a little straighter. “Because it was the best head of my life, and I want to know who to go to for it again.” He smirks. “Just tell me if it was a guy or a girl.”

“No. That’s basically name-dropping.” Sort of. Depending on how many players he thinks were in the game. “Just live in the mystery, enjoy it, and let it go.”

“I can’t let it go, Rem. Shit, it was hot. Like… Cara gives good head, right?”

I nod.

“But it felt different from when she usually does it. So it had to be Cody, right?”

I lift a brow. “You saying Cody gives better head than Cara?”

“No. I didn’t think so. But now my mind’s all fucked up, and I can’t stop thinking about it.” He laughs, taking a sip. “So fucking hot, Rem. Like, I wish you did the whole blindfold thing after me.”

I’d chickened out because my mind had been a mess. But this is a great segue to get the conversation on to a different point of view. “That’s it, right? It was probably just that good because of the whole blindfold and no-touching thing.” I shrug, thinking that’s probably the best explanation. “The buildup and the edging.”

“Maybe,” he says, nodding. “But I’m fixating on it. I want that over and over and over again.” He tilts his head and tries to give me the puppy dog eyes that absolutely don’t work. He’s got too much devil in him to pull off a look that innocent.

“I’m not fucking telling you.” I laugh, climbing off the bed and discreetly tucking my boner into my waistband. “You’ll just have to recreate the scene and see if it’s as good.”

“Call ‘em up,” he says. “We’ll go right when we get back.”

I turn my back and fill my already half-full cup, just to take a second to breathe and think through my responses. In all honesty, I don’t want to go back to Cara and Cody. I don’t want them to become a regular thing, and it has nothing to do with them. I love them, and they’ve been eye-opening as fuck, but didn’t we agree to keep things fresh and exciting?

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