Page 72 of Rolling Thunder

Hank Flint stood in the driveway, surveying the property, and gave a low whistle. When he looked at Evan, there was no mistaking the pride in his eyes. Kayla squeezed his hand hard.

“Want some unsolicited advice?” Kayla said on the way home.

“Hit me.”

“I’d give anything in the world to be able to see my grandma Kay one more time You have an opportunity to make things right with your parents. They seem like good people who made some bad decisions when you were in trouble. Don’t waste your chance.” She thought of Bill saying, “Long as we’re both on the right side of the grass…” And she missed him so bad, she even craned her neck passing the AA Clubhouse, hoping she might see his bike. But it wasn’t there. When she got back to the farm, there was no sign of him there either. She couldn’t even take her own advice and try to reach out to Bill because he was a nomad without technology, and she didn’t have the faintest clue where he would be now.

The ranch was quiet. Evan stayed on with her, and even Abbey seemed a little subdued. Kayla went through the motions of each day, working horses, guiding trail rides, and caring for boarders’ horses. It was a simple, predictable life. One that she could love. With a man she loved. She’d broken free of the worst thing that had ever happened to her: Trent. After an agonizing wait, he’d taken a plea deal. The evidence on him was too damning to go to trial, so he ratted on a bigger peddler of drugs and women and got 10 years. It was finally over, and she hadn’t lost Evan.

And yet, part of her still felt heartbroken. She finally understood that unless her mother made some major changes, she would be lost to her. Grandma Kay was dead and buried. Bill had vanished and not returned; she doubted she would ever see him again. And it took that to realize how much she’d loved him and his steady sober presence on her farm.

Evan, Jake, and their parents had filled the gaping hole left by Canyon Bill’s absence, distracting her from feeling the loss.

But this afternoon, she was alone. Evan was in town working with Dan. She finished with the horses and eventually found herself standing in front of the old trailer porch again, staring at it. A memory surrounded her, as clear as ghosts in front of her face. She and her grandmother sitting on the stoop of the trailer, talking horses.

She climbed the steps, walking through the wraiths and into the silent mustiness of the empty trailer. She wandered to the bedroom and began to rifle through the box. There was a stack of pictures, and tellingly, there were more shots of random people partying than there were of little Kayla growing up. One photo reached out and grabbed her attention. She stopped, staring at her four- or five-year-old self sitting on Canyon Bill’s knee behind an acoustic guitar. He was strumming it and helping her to hold a string down on the fretboard with her tiny hand. She knew her grandmother had taken this picture. Her mother could never have stood by and allowed peace and joy to just happen. Bill looked so young. His hair was still blond and hanging loosely on his shoulders. The smile on his face, in his eyes, when he looked at little Kayla made her heart squeeze.

Under this photo was a battered notebook. It was decorated with the swirling handwriting and doodles of a teenaged girl, and Kayla immediately recognized her mother’s handwriting. She flipped through it idly. She began to pay more attention as she realized it was a journal, or a diary of sorts. As she scanned the entries, she began to pick out names. She became engrossed, vaguely aware as the sun was starting to set. She flipped on the remaining lamp. This was as much an insight as she’d ever had into her mother’s broken mind. The entries started before Kayla was born, when her mother was still a kid herself. They continued after Kayla’s birth. And even though she felt like she was spying, she couldn’t stop reading.

Until she reached a page about Canyon Bill. She threw the notebook down. Then snatched it up and read it again to be sure she hadn’t read it wrong. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t end like this. She jumped up and ran out of the trailer.

CHAPTER 30

She barreled down State Road 31 in her truck, gripping the steering wheel so hard, her knuckles whitened, and her hands started to go numb. She hadn’t quite decided where she was headed. She just had to find Bill. But where to even look? She didn’t know, and of course, he didn’t have a fucking phone. She simply couldn’t accept the truth now that he was gone.

First, she cruised by the AA Clubhouse, hoping again to see Bill’s motorcycle. It wasn’t there. Desperation turned to anger, and she turned toward the shitty hotel her mother stayed at. It wasn’t far. She realized belatedly that she should have told Evan. She should have asked him to drive her and not gone on this crazy mission alone. Her mother wouldn’t know where Bill was…but Kayla thought, at least she could vent her anger. Her mother had caused all of this! Just like she’d crashed through everything like a human wrecking ball, Leanne ruined Kayla’s chance at reconciliation with Canyon Bill. Kayla wanted her to pay. If she couldn’t make things right, she could have vengeance.

A traffic light turned red, and she slammed on the brakes, furious at the delay. As she sat there, drumming her fingers impatiently, she saw two women she knew from AA crossing the street. They were undoubtedly on their way to a meeting. They were having a lively conversation, and they looked happy. People with real sobriety tended to be happy, she noticed.

A horn blared, and she jumped, realizing she’d missed the light turning green. She pulled forward, and the urge to drink overcame her like a tidal wave. She pulled over in a gas station and fumbled her cell phone out of her pocket with shaking hands, dialing her sponsor, Annie. To her relief, Annie answered immediately.

“You okay?” Annie asked her.

“No,” Kayla said, her voice cracking.

“Talk to me.”

“I found my mother’s notebook from when she was a teenager. Oh, Annie, it’s a mess. I made Bill leave and now it’s too late. I really need to talk to him. I don’t know how to even find him. He doesn’t have a phone… I was on my way to see my mother, but if I go talk to her, I’m gonna drink.”

“Why don’t you come over here,” Annie responded softly. “It’ll be okay.”

And so Kayla headed over to Annie’s apartment. Annie cracked the door partly open and, seeing it was Kayla, fully opened the door without a word. There, on Annie’s couch, sat Canyon Bill.

Kayla’s mouth dropped open, and she looked from Annie to Bill. Her shock was chased quickly by overwhelming relief. Bill wasn’t gone forever. He was here, and she still had a chance.

She burst into the apartment. The memory of the love in his eyes in the childhood picture was fresh in her mind, and she almost ran across the room to throw her arms around him. But the missing years between them were like an awkward cage, holding her back.

“Oh, thank God you’re here,” she blurted.

Bill’s shocked expression was a mixture of surprise and relief.

“I need to talk to you,” she said.

He looked guarded.

She turned to Annie. Obviously, the two of them had become a bit more cozy than Kayla realized, but Kayla didn’t know whether Annie knew the whole saga with her mother, and for Bill’s sake, she didn’t want to overshare.

“She knows everything,” Bill filled in, seeing her hesitation. That was enough for Kayla. She couldn’t wait one more second to tell him.

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