Page 50 of The Kingdom Cursed By Iron

But that sweetness has turned bitter on me in the past.

I flatten my hands against his chest, using all my willpower to push him away. It takes all of my inner strength to do it, to go against my body’s wishes and ignore the wild hunger coursing through it. But it needs to be done, and so I do it.

Ruskin releases his grip on me, but his eyes are wild, confused with the sudden denial of his—and my—desire. Because even though it’s so obvious I want him, I still know that this ground is so dangerous. It would be too easy to give in to the desire raging within me, but the aftermath—the pain and the messiness—couldn’t possibly make it worth it. Could it?

“I’m sorry,” I say, shaking my head. “I can’t.”

I don’t want to look at him, but I can’t stop myself, studying his reaction. I see the heat die in his eyes, freezing to ice.

“You’re not safe,” he says, and for a moment, I think he’s talking about me and him. I’m certainly not safe from the draw he has on me. But then I realize Ruskin’s resuming our conversation from before as if the kiss never happened.

“That’s why you’ll go back to having Halima as your bodyguard during your stay at the palace,” he says, straightening his jacket.

“What? No.” The haze of want quickly dissipates as I realize what he’s suggesting.

“Yes, it’s the only way to ensure your safety.”

I hate how he speaks as if I’ve no say in the matter, like the decision is already made. I wonder for a moment if this has anything to do with my rejection of him a moment ago… but no, this is far from the first time I’ve heard this tone from him.

“Believe me, I’m all for me staying alive, but you can’t just hand me off to her like some kind of object.”

He has the nerve to look startled, as if it never occurred to him that I might feel that way. Of course it didn’t, I remind myself. Considering how others feel isn’t something he does. “That’s not what this is,” he protests.

“Oh really? Then why are you acting like I haven’t defended myself from stuff like this before—like I didn’t survive being hunted by Cebba back when my magic wasn’t nearly as strong?”

“And what about today?” he snaps.

“Today…” I’d almost forgotten my conversation with Destan in all the action. “Today I was distracted.” I bite my tongue, frustrated at how weak the answer sounds, but knowing I’m not ready to explain what had been occupying my mind when Galaphina’s friends attacked. “It won’t happen again,” I finish lamely.

“You’re right, it won’t.”

“I’m not a child,” I bite back. How could this man possibly be my soulmate? He’s so arrogant, so controlling, and as much as he makes my skin heat, he also makes my blood boil. “I’m fi?—”

“Don’t say fine again.” He scans me, and I stand up straighter, trying to look as steady and unshaken by my recent experience as possible.

“You may seem fine, Eleanor, but don’t you think that’s strange, considering how close you were to death today? Doesn’t it occur to you that there’s something wrong with the way you’ve gotten used to these kinds of incidents?”

“I—”

I’m actually lost for words, because he has a point. I have somehow assimilated enough to Faerie that I can experience something horrific and then just move on, not dwelling on it. A woman had died in front of me, I was nearly strangled to death, but I genuinely felt like it was all okay because I’d come out the other side and because the aftermath had been—comparatively—not too bloody or brutal.

I need to process all of this and what it’s turning me into…and I need to do that somewhere where he isn’t. “I’m going to my room,” I state, hoping that I carry enough authority in my voice that he’ll just agree for once, rather than deciding I simply must do something else because he knows best. He should be fine with this, anyway. I’m sure he’d like to keep me closed up in a tower where only he can reach me—all the better if I go there of my own free will. “No more practicing today.”

I don’t know if he’ll find Halima and have her follow me, but I can’t be bothered to fight anymore. When we’ve been working together the last few days, and when he respected my wishes just now about leaving my attackers alive, I thought it meant things were different. That even if we weren’t together, he was seeing me as a partner in this thing. Someone he’s willing to listen to and respect. But of course he doesn’t see me that way. I’m still just a piece to be moved about the board to him. A child to be guided and minded.

I decide to sleep away the rest of the day, tired of this world and its king. But when I slip into my dreams, Ruskin awaits me there still. At first, it’s like many of the other dreams that I have about him—the memory of his warm hands on me, his handsome face looking down at me with fierce protectiveness, telling me how loved I am. I see him as the man who would go to the ends of the earth for those he cares about…

Then the picture of him changes. Shadows swallow him up, yellow cat eyes gleaming from the gloom, and his teeth shine red from his kills. Now he’s not the elegant prince of my fantasies, but a monster of darkness, a creature thirsty for blood, prowling the night that surrounds me. I meet his gaze as he lifts his head to look at me. It’s then that I see he’s standing over a pile of bodies: humans and fae. People he’s made deals with, servants who’ve disobeyed him and there, slumped on top of the pile with crimson streaming down her neck: me.

Chapter 16

Iwake to a forceful knock on my door, the heavy thump of a fist against wood, pulling me from my nightmares. Ruskin was wrong about me getting used to all this death. If it’s not haunting me in the day, the violence and danger I’m surrounded by is certainly finding me in my dreams.

“It’s Halima.” The thudding continues. “I hope you’re up.”

“I am,” I grunt, wrenching open the door. “Though you need to work on your wake-up method.”

“My intention was to rouse you if you were still sleeping. Therefore, my method worked just fine,” she says, striding past me into my room.

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