I roll my eyes playfully. “Absolutely. Much better than Shield of the Sun.”
He smiles, but then it shifts into something more serious.
“I thought you didn’t trust in the lore about naminai. I seem to remember you saying something about it not being written in stone?” He searches my face, as if looking for the answers as to why I changed my mind.
I sigh, shifting closer to him, pressing myself up against the warmth of his flank. Without a word he wraps an arm around me, and I lay my head against his shoulder, feeling the comforting thud of his heartbeat.
“I don’t want fate to decide anything for me. I’m happy to make my own choices. But at the founding stone I realized I trust you, truly. Even if you can’t tell me all your secrets. Even if there are things I can never know.”
Ruskin takes my hand and rests it on his chest.
“Close your eyes,” he says, and I obey. “Now, reach out to me with your magic.”
“Why?”
“Just do it,” he says with a light chuckle.
“Okay…”
Right away I see what he’s trying to show me. It’s the same link I used to channel my magic to him. In my mind’s eye it’s like a golden bridge, connecting us together, a pathway along which we can share everything—power, strength, emotions. It’s beautiful, and a little overwhelming. It feels like I’ve forever opened up a piece of my heart, so that it is now and always will be exposed to him. At the same time I wonder how the bridge could ever have not existed. It feels so inevitable, so at home there, between us.
“That’s the bond,” Ruskin says, knowing I feel it. “It’s what you accepted when you told me your true name.”
I turn to Ruskin and kiss him, seeking out the familiar fit of his lips against mine. And yet this time it’s different. I gasp against him as the bond comes alive, feeding back sensations and feelings that aren’t my own. I can feel his desire for me like a burning hot coal. Feeling the kiss from his perspective only doubles my want and my pleasure. It’s so wonderful that I pull him closer, needing to feel more—to drown in it.
But even greater than his passion is his love. It’s a deep, boundless thing that stretches out within him, so vast that it washes all doubt away.
Ruskin gently pulls back, his face telling me that he felt everything I did too.
“Ella,” he says. “The bond allows our magic to be shared, to merge and become one.” He licks his lips, and I’m surprised to note that he seems nervous. “Our magic views us as an extension of each other now. Inseparable. Which means…even if I’m bound to silence by a magical deal, that silence doesn’t include you.”
He looks at me, waiting for me to understand. My pulse quickens.
“Which means you can tell me about my mother,” I say.
My mouth has gone dry. This is it: the answer I’ve so desperately yearned for. Now that it’s in front of me, I’m afraid. What if I don’t like the truth? What if it’s something terrible? There was a time when I was certain it would reveal that Ruskin had done something truly unforgivable.
But that cannot be. I know this man, inside and out, even I don’t have the details of every part of his past. He would not be here, with me, if this was something that would definitely hurt me. I know—with absolute certainty—that he loves me too much for that.
Ruskin takes my hand, looking up at the stars again, and begins to speak.
“I did make a deal with Leah,” he says. “I didn’t know it at the time, but it was one of the most important deals of my life.”
Even with my confidence in him, I feel my stomach dance with apprehension.
“What did she want?” I ask.
“You, Ella,” he says, meeting my gaze. “She wanted a child so desperately that it was destroying her. She’d been trying for years, but it never came to be.”
I blink. Neither Mom nor Dad ever mentioned having troubles conceiving me.
“And you could help her?”
“Fertility magic is a common power in Faerie—it’s part of the reason for the Seelie Kingdom’s abundance. I could grant your mother’s wish and bless her with the ability to carry a child. But life is a complicated kind of magic, Ella. Everything has to be balanced out. It takes life to make a life.”
I bite my lip. “What do you mean?”
“I told Leah that she could have the child she wanted, but that magic would come at great cost. She’d need to sacrifice some of her life force—a significant portion of her intended years in this world. Then I could use that energy to grant her desire. I told her that she would have some time with her child, but how much, I couldn’t say for certain. There are many factors that affect the lifespan of a human, and I couldn’t predict exactly how much she’d be giving up to make this dream come true.”