Page 62 of Full Circle

“Where’s Daddy?” I demanded.

My question made Nana wail louder.

It was Marla who answered, though. “He had another one of his seizures shortly after he got back,” she whispered. “It was a really bad one, so Willow called for Dr. Hassan. An alarm started going off that his heart was in distress and the doctor said they needed to get him into surgery immediately. They wheeled him out about an hour ago.”

Numb. My whole body went numb.

I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t hear, couldn’t even think. Why hadn’t I come back down here with him? How could this happen when he had been feeling so good all day?

“Desiree’s on her way,” Marla added, her voice low.

“How long will he be in surgery?” Wesley asked.

“We don’t really know just yet,” Marla replied. “Everything happened in such a rush, with all kinds of beepers and things goin’ off. Couldn’t even really understand what they were saying. Willow said she would come back soon with an update for us.”

Wesley nodded before gently guiding me onto the couch next to Nana. As soon as I sat down, I instinctively wrapped my arms around her and continued soothing her the way Marla had been.

It might as well have been lifetimes that passed while we waited in that position. There was never a way to accurately describe how time flows while you’re waiting in crisis. It was just different, an experience I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. The perpetual waiting, with different scenarios running on repeat in your head, was enough to make you go crazy. So you just wait a little more. It was all you can do.

Nana’s sobs eventually quieted enough that her body was no longer shaking, but the three of us stayed clustered together on the sofa. Wesley stood on my other side, as frozen as a statue. A piece of my heart actually broke as though there was a permanent change to my internal structure. Fear that deep in your core will do that to a person.

None of us reacted when Desiree, Hillary, and Jeremy stormed inside. Hillary was wearing a blood red silk dress that showed more of her boobs than I would have thought acceptable at a school dance. Somewhere in the back of my mind the old Celeste scoffed at the idea that I was going to be the one with the bad reputation, but the new, heartbroken version no longer cared.

Desiree was also dressed up in a frilly cocktail dress and sky high stilettos as though she had been chaperoning the prom back in River’s Run. For once, she didn’t say a word to anyone other than to ask if we had any news. When Marla shook her head, Desiree simply began to pace back and forth across the room. The clacks of her heels became my metronome, and I zeroed in on the sound to keep myself focused on something rather than the sheer terror that solidified in my chest.

By the time Willow came in, I was semi-certain I had gone stark raving mad. My mind had become a loop of regrets, cycling through all of the things I should have done differently, all of the ways I should have taken better care of my dad, all of the moments I missed because I was too selfish to stay with him. Did school really matter that much in the grand scheme of things? It was so much wasted time that could have been spent up here with Daddy…and now I realized how fleeting all of that time was.

“Dr. Hassan assessed Mr. Hendricks’ condition and felt the tumor removal can no longer wait. He is going to remove as much as he can while the cardio surgeon monitors Mr. Hendricks’ heart…it looks like he had a mild heart attack tonight in conjunction with the seizure. I will keep you updated, but honestly, Dr. Hassan and his team expect this surgery to last more than eighteen hours. It’s extraordinarily complex and they need to take their time. You may want to try and get some rest.” She added that last sentence half-heartedly, likely knowing how tall an order her suggestion was. Willow nodded to Desiree before leaving the room.

Marla sighed, and I felt the weight of the world on her exhale. We were all suffering from the kind of exhaustion that takes root in your soul. “Welp, you heard the woman. We are gonna go and try to get some sleep while we wait.”

Nana seemed to be out of it, standing up on autopilot without really seeing the world around her. Marla continued to hold her with one arm around her shoulder.

“Yes, I think we’ll return to the hotel and change out of these clothes,” Desiree said. She gestured to Hillary and Jeremy to follow them out the door.

Only I was left sitting on the couch, unable to move. It no longer felt like I actually resided in my body. I didn’t know where to go or what to do.

Wesley knelt in front of me, gently cupping my face with both his hands as he scanned my eyes. He didn’t say a word, for which I was grateful as I was no longer capable of speech, but he also wasn’t going to leave us there. This time rather than throwing me over his shoulder, Wesley scooped me up with one hand behind my back and another under my knees, carrying me across the threshold like a married couple. I let him because that was easier than thinking. As carefully as I could, I burrowed into his chest, recognizing on a subconscious level that my body was trembling but not giving two shits about it.

I couldn’t remember how I got there, but somehow I found myself in Wesley’s cavernous bathroom. A small voice in my head hoped that Mr. Madden wasn’t there because there was no way he had forgotten his earlier statement of me being unwelcome, but I was also too dazed to care. Wes was gentle and kept his eyes on my face as he reached around to unzip my dress, letting it cascade in its ruffled glory on the floor. The dress had a built-in corset, so I didn’t have a bra on, but he tenderly pulled my panties down next.

Hot steam billowed out from the glass shower as he pushed me inside. Wes made quick work of removing his own clothing, leaving them in a rumpled pile on the floor. He joined me in the shower, placing me just under enough of the water that I received the heat. My body finally stopped shaking. Methodically, he removed the bobby pins and headband from my hair until it all finally dropped loosely down my back. Only then did he direct me under the water, tipping my head back to let everything wash away. He grabbed my loofah from its place on the wall and began gently scrubbing my body. The whole time his blue eyes stayed trained on my face, watching every reaction I had.

Except, I had nothing to give him. All the makeup and hair spray and other remnants of the night streaked down my skin as I prayed to a god I didn’t believe in to wash me away right with it. I didn’t want to live in a world without either of my parents.

The inability to move continued, and once Wesley washed my body and hair, never once lingering longer on one body part versus another, he scooped me back up into a bride’s hold and took me to his bed. We were both naked as he tucked the heavy duvet around us, but I couldn’t register the feeling of his skin against mine. He wrapped his entire body around me, legs and all, until the safety and warmth of his Wesley cocoon broke me.

Floodgates unleashed within me, more tears and pain than I thought possible. There was no way the human body could withstand the onslaught of grief I experienced. I welcomed the darkness, wanted to dive in with open arms, if it meant I no longer had to operate without my daddy here. A doctor was cutting into his brain like the meat back at the diner, and I found myself desperately wishing I could trade places with him. My daddy deserved to live, and if God needed a sacrifice, he could take me instead.

Wesley held me the entire time, gently humming a tuneless song that nonetheless made me aware of his presence. His grip remained tight as if he knew that any slack would mean I utterly shattered. It was the only thing that grounded me enough to maintain a sense of reality. My soul was already moving on to the next life where it could join my parents.

CHAPTER 27

THE HARDEST GOODBYE

CELESTE

At some point I must have fallen asleep because when I jerked awake sometime later, the sun was brightly pouring in through the windows. Wesley forgot to darken the glass before we went to bed, which was unheard of, but I only rolled over so that I was facing him and tugged the duvet higher over my head.

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